Author Archives: Scarlet

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About Scarlet

A refugee from Blogger.

Resolution no.1 – Get rid of THE SHORTS.

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Happy New Year!!!!! And welcome to THE FREAKIN’ GREEN ELF SHORTS COMPETITION!!!!!!

A rough guide to the competition:-

The legend of the FGES [Freakin’ Green Elf shorts] began in Ohio, USA in 2004 when Andrea Knapp (a British ex-pat) bought a pair of novelty Elf Shorts for her husband George as a gag gift. For a laugh, Andrea took a photograph of George wearing the shorts and posted the pic on her blog. Andrea then decided to turn it into a caption competition, not thinking ANYONE would want to win them…. and the rest is Blogging history.

The general idea of the ‘Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts’ Caption Competition is to post a photo of yourself on your blog, wearing THE SHORTS.

Whoever comes up with the best caption wins THE SHORTS.

The current holder of THE SHORTS then sends the winner THE SHORTS and a few souvenirs from their country.

A definitive history of THE SHORTS can be found HERE. Many thanks to Rimpy for this incredibly detailed history!

So, without further ado, here is my photograph for you to caption…..

You have until Saturday 15th January 2022 to caption the photograph by leaving a comment on this post with your entry. The winner will be announced on Sunday 16th January 2022 [GMT].

GOOD LUCK!!!!

Sunday Ketchup – The Cancelled Week

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Who would have thought that cancel culture would catch up with Santa and cancel him?! That’ll teach him to invite small children into his grotto. Anyhow, Christmas has not yet been cancelled, but it could be on the cards, and talking of cards – mine are in the post!

Admittedly, I am too late for Italy and the US, but as Christmas might be postponed then I guess these cards still might get there in time.
It was a joy to ink the name ‘Borghese’ – ascenders and descenders in all the right places!

AND, my tree is up!

In my very secret journal I wrote: The sofa has arrived!!!! The delivery men launched it into the hallway and fled, hopefully leaving no time to exchange particles of Covid.

And in the very last email I wrote I said: I honestly could have slept from the moment they jabbed me in the arm – I sort of glazed over, and although still functioning I didn’t feel quite right. Much more myself today.

BUT, that was on Monday, and to be fair the rest of the week was a bit of a spaced out blur, and I only really started feeling okay yesterday – though I’m still pleased I had the booster, BUT, not so keen on the idea of having one every 3-6 months.
Because I have been indisposed, I think I now need to catch up with my blog reading…..

A tune….

The Sunday Ketchup – Booster week!

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I have had my booster. I had it yesterday, so my arm still aches and I still feel a little groggy. I had my first Covid vaccine [AstraZenneca], way back in March and at the surgery I attended there was a feeling of hope; this time round there was more a vibe of resigned gloom. It has been a bad week for Covid news.

There was another storm called Barra on 7th December – so more guffs of wind and more rain and therefore more mud. I was going to entitle this post ‘A Barra of laughs’, but thought better of it.

Meanwhile, I have finished writing the Christmas card addresses!!! Yay!!! All went well until Friday when I spent the day writing one address – this happens with my calligraphy – sometimes it just doesn’t look right, or good enough, so I spend hours trying to make it look at least okay. At the end of the day I might have 26 versions of the same address that look identical. So silly. When I do this it means I have broken my ‘no rewrite rule’.
In my Very Secret Journal I wrote: I vow to never write calligraphy again!

And on a different day I wrote: I think I’m allowing my inner teenager to dictate my choices.

From my emails I wrote the following: I read The Guardian’s report that GPs are working ’til they drop – so was surprised when my doctor gave me time to bring up my knee issues, he usually swerves anything off-topic, and controls the conversation so that it ends when he wants it to – I think he’s okay so long as I don’t allude to the menopause.

Photograph of the week:-

My Money Plant is in bud!

My Money plant is about to flower – I guess this is a good thing?

Finally, no collages due to the calligraphy overload, but a tune. I think I need a tune to cheer me up – something to give me a bit of an extra boost….

Sunday Ketchup – The Omicron Week

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So, December started well then, with a brand new Covid variant to send us into panic mode, and Storm Arwen, which plunged many of us into darkness, ahem. Things can only get better?

Meanwhile, I have been pondering my blog – if I am to keep the mantle of ‘Blogger’ I really ought to blog more often; more regularly; MORE CONSISTENTLY! With this in mind I have devised a new hook to hang regular posts on. I will attempt to post every Sunday like wot I used to, and my hook will be called: Sunday Ketchup. It will be a random account of my week and will include quotes from my journal [my very secret journal that I show no-one ever!]; photographs; collages; calligraphy; and, of course, the obligatory piece of Sunday music. How thrilled you must be to read of my good intentions. Again. Let us proceed…

The week began so well, and looked so pink and pretty….

I managed to do some calligraphy for Christmas cards, all was going well…

calligraphy for christmas cards

….but then I wrote this in my journal…

I swear I saw the Grim Reaper, he was driving an old black Audi; he had long black hair, grey skin and very blue eyes. He waved as he drove past – slowly and deliberately. It wasn’t my turn.

….and mid-week I found myself writing this in an email…

This means that on Monday I will ring the Omni Supplier team again, and have another Groundhog conversation with them. I actually don’t think I can bear to do that!

By Friday I was creating collages like this…

…and now I just I want to listen to this…

And that was the week that was. Let’s hope next week turns out better.

Oh, please make a note in your diary – The FGES caption competition will be held on 1st January 2022 and the winner announced on 31st January 2022. Thought I ought to mention that.

How to write a blog post….

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I had lost my memory. AGAIN. Appalling. I had forgotten that I was an artistic genius of unparalleled proportions; that I was from a tiny village called Mogwash; and that my most recent artworks were made from vintage ephemera and ripped up books – but worst of all, I’d forgotten that I was the highly intelligent, yet modest author, of the much loved Wonky Words blog.

Months had gone by without me writing so much as a note to the bin men [I often do as I like to explain things]. The notion of writing a blog post felt heavy on my shoulders, and, I’d forgotten how. One voice in my head said: Just slap up some photos. Another said: Rehash a post from 1957. Voice 46 said: You’ll be fine, start typing and something will turn up. Voice 209 started having a row with voice 19 and I couldn’t make sense of what they were saying at all – perhaps something about putting things on chairs? Trampolines?? No idea.

Thankfully, it appeared that during October/November I had completed a couple of collages, and several photographs of these were languishing in my photo file….

collage-calligraphy-uk

collage-and-calligraphy

I’d also been busy turning my studio into a fairy grotto…

fairy-lights-and-rag-curtains-uk

…and observing hedgehogs interacting with fawns….

…and making demons for a Halloween gardening event.

I had obviously been very busy indeed. But something was nagging at me, I had forgotten something important. My knee twitched, and then I remembered….

*To be continued.

*I will set an alarm to remind me.

Breaking News…..

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Apologies, I have been away panic buying fairy lights and fingerless gloves. I am hoping that the fairy lights will perk me up during the endless Winter of 2021 – 2024, just like they did during the endless Winter of 2014 – 2018. I have made preparations for the knee deep mud, and the inevitable Beast from the East, which will hit the UK for an afternoon in March. I have also made my garden a TRAMPOLINE FREE ZONE – bouncers beware.

Meanwhile, I have cobbled a collage together from bits of old newspaper and a vintage map of London.

Let us have a closer look at the news story from about the late 1950’s…
Click to make big.

If only news stories were as innocuous as this in 2021!

The woman poking her tongue out in the photograph is my Grandmother. She appears to be doing a Miley Cyrus impersonation…

The Blue family are always ahead of the times, and with this in mind I suggest that all of my readers go forth and buy fairy lights, as come 1st December the shelves will be bare of all Christmas decorations aside from two streaks of threadbare tinsel, and a grubby angel with wonky wings. You were warned.