Where have I been? Why have I not posted since the last time I posted? I have been….. incapacitated. I had my vaccine shot last Saturday, and have been very sleepy ever since. To be fair, I often sleep through March and April, so maybe not a vaccine side effect at all. I did have chills, and a very mild headache for a couple of days. But that was it.
Meanwhile, when conscious, I have been preparing for Mr Devine’s Birthday, which is tomorrow. I had big ideas for a celebration. Firstly, there was a novel to be written; a film starring Aidan Turner in a spaceship to be made; a tribble to be wrapped and mailed; several cormorants to be trained as butlers; a ripped gardener to be employed; and a tinfoil creation to be created. Sadly, due to all the sleep and a sore arm, I had to settle for a small idea instead….
Something new for the sideboard±
Happy Birthday, Mr Devine!! I’m sure you can shrink this so that it doesn’t overwhelm your sideboard. To be fair there was supposed to be some gold, but my gold dust looked like a heap of yellowing dandruff in my photographs, so I abandoned that particular idea.
A tune for the birthday boy….
I have just remembered that I have a blog and that I should post something – how about some more pictures of calligraphy? BUT WITH A TWIST? I know how popular dramatic twists are these days. Can you spot the not so deliberate mistake in the following picture of some recent calligraphy that was sent out to my international students who so kindly attended my workshop?
Writing double letters can be problematic in calligraphy and I had been asked to provide my take on possible solutions. Please note that I wasn’t asked to include British slang that only British people would understand. And, yep, I wrote THAT word convinced that I’d spelt it correctly, and I only noticed my heinous mistake a couple of days ago. Oops. I have no idea why I even thought that a double ‘v’ would be a problem for anyone!
To make up for my error, here is a picture of sunny Blackpool….
Meanwhile, several people have asked about my ongoing jaw issues. They are still ongoing! And I have a horrible hunch that I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO EAT HARD FOOD EVER AGAIN [this includes meat as it is too chewy]. To be fair this hasn’t bothered me during lockdown, but now, on the horizon, is the prospect of being invited out to eat with people other than Mr Blue, and the idea is making me feel sad because I probably won’t be able to – dribbling soup down my chin in private is one thing, I don’t relish doing it in public. I managed to eat Cashew nuts the other week, but it wasn’t an entirely painless experience. Am thinking of taking up smoking again just so that I can have a bad thing to do when everybody else is happily chomping away inside a restaurant, as I am bound to be left outside in the car park, sans bag of crisps, but with a bottle of coke. Also, too much talking can cause a pain attack that cannot be alleviated by over the counter pain killers. I shall include a description of a ‘pain attack’ in chapter 27. So, if you want to see me then it’s best to ask me out for a drink, get me pissed and take me dancing – do not upset me with dinner invitations.
Anyhow, enough with this maudlin talk! It is my birthday week!!! I can still dunk chocolate in my tea, and eat cake!! And smother soggy chips in mayonnaise!! I believe a tune is in order….
The deed is done and I am home!! AND, I have dragged myself from the fainting chaise to bring you an exciting new post!!
Oh my goodness, that was a scary weekend!! What did I learn from my experience ‘teaching’ [crikey those guys knew more than me, who am I kidding?] via Zoom? I learnt quite a bit about what not to do with lighting – and that the silence of a crowd is the most baffling thing on earth. Anyhow, I did a bit of this….
….and once I got over my nerves I think it went okay – I have had some very kind feedback on Instagram. As previously mentioned – calligraphers are notoriously nice. Would I do it again? Ha! Probably not. Why not, I hear you scream – because a) I’m actually not supposed to talk at length because of my jaw issues – hell, I am still struggling with chewing, talking is simply adding insult to the injury, and b) My flipping awful South East London accent.
I watched and listened to some of the recording made of me demonstrating calligraphy. To put it simply, there is a vast disparity between the voice I use in my head and the voice that comes out of my mouth. In my head all the vowels and consonants are present, I speak clearly, I could almost be a BBC presenter. In reality – the vowels are rounded, some are complete circles, and, well, there are a lot of consonants missing in action. Unbearable. With this in mind, I am flirting with the idea of becoming entirely text based and giving up speech forever. I will still speak to the dog though, because he can’t read. I will save my jaw for eating food.
On the plus side, I can do a pretty mean Kate Nash impersonation.
You know how they say you should get out of your comfort zone every now and again? Well, at the end of February this is exactly what I will be doing. Erm…. I’m not sure how this happened, I blame the pandemic, BUT I have agreed to explain my calligraphy process to some lovely calligraphers via Zoom. Gulp. I know, crazy talk… I have been signed up by the European Pointed Pen Collective and details of my ‘course’ are HERE – soooo out of my comfort zone that it almost hurts! I’m sure I will be fine. Calligraphers are notoriously nice, AND THEY WILL forgive the squeaky voice, the peculiar accent, and hopefully for the hour they lose discussing where best to place a well turned tittle [tittle details are very important].
Anyhow, this is my big, scary news! What does this mean for my blog in February? Well I might put up some videos of me actually writing words, if WordPress is agreeable; and I might go missing in action for a bit as I will need to prepare; AND, I will probably also need some time on the fainting chaise with the smelling salts, or the gin, or the Diazepam….. IT WILL BE FINE – I am blind as a bat and can barely make out what the hell is going on on Zoom with or without my glasses! [This is a good thing]
So in February expect a bit more of this:-
Finally – Sunday Music!! I’ve chosen this, cos Jon gave me an ear worm.
It has taken me many days to decide the ultimate winner of the ‘Did I Win Yet?’ competition, and some nights I have woken in a cold sweat wondering how I could resolve the conundrum, but I have finally made a decision. He may not be happy about it; he may fall to his knees in exasperation; he may flounce around for a bit and then go for a long walk to examine his groynes….but yes, the winner of the competition is Mr Devine! – Please be aware that you should never enter anything without accepting the very real possibility of coming first. And although Mr Devine is the ultimate winner, I still propose that we have some sort of Mr Lax festival in the future.
So that’s that then. I will be posting again at the weekend. I have news of the jolly variety! And an explanation as to why I might be posting less in February. Or I might be posting more – I haven’t quite figured that one out yet – though I might have it figured by July.
Meanwhile, I have been doing a lot of this sort of thing…
….which is possibly why I haven’t been doing so much blog commenting.
And here is a tune…
I bring pictures! I bring calligraphy! I bring tidings of joy! I bring a couple of heartfelt messages! I bring a toaster; a cuddly toy; a can of baked beans, and several vintage maps of Blackpool on a sunny afternoon. Never say I bring you nothing. But be aware that my hands are full.
Firstly, as promised, here are a couple of my Halloween collages:-
And a little calligraphy:-
My heartfelt messages:-
1) If you are a nighttime jaw clencher [bruxer] then NEVER EVER sleep on your back! Don’t even dream about it. It could possibly bring you no end of excruciatingly painful problems. And ruin your teeth.
2) Over the past two months I have become aware of some unusual activity in my blog stats, as in hits on old personal posts that rarely get read after they’ve been published and commented on. Posts featuring calligraphy are always popular, but the personal ones – not so much – years can go by before some poor soul alights on one of those, but recently they have been much sought after. At first I was flattered! Yay, somebody loves me! And then I stopped taking the drugs, and wondered if someone was profiling me for nefarious purposes? If so then please note that this blog is a minefield of misinformation, the truth is that I am 37 years old, I am French [hence the surname: Blue], and I live with five cats on an Alpaca farm somewhere near Newcastle. Just so you know.
3) If you are not profiling me for nefarious purposes and you are actually Aidan Turner, then don’t be a stranger – give me a call! My email address is right there!! There on the front page!!! Oh, for goodness sake HERE – at the bottom of the page!
Shall we have some Sunday Music? Why not? I have just finished watching The Queen’s Gambit on Netflix and now want to download the soundtrack.