Category Archives: Silliness

Did I Win???

I know that everyone is desperate to know who won ‘The Did I Win Yet?’ competition. It has been tricky picking a winner. I was swamped with entries, plus chairs arrived at my backdoor with quotes written all over them – sadly these had to be disqualified as this is a virtual competition – I now have a three piece suite, a kitchen stool, and some sort of rickety Ikea affair to dispose of. Thank you!

Before I disclose the finalists let me first deal with section 1 of the competition – the quiz.

Q1. Many years ago Ms Scarlet had a dream about Mr Lax. In this dream Mr Lax instructed Ms Scarlet to do what?

The answer is: b) Mind the gap. [Well done Rimpy!]

Q2. What does LX mean?

To be fair I have no idea. So any answer is a winner! Yes, trick question, cunning, eh???

And now, [DRUMROLL] the finalists:-

Starting with Melanie, with pertinent quote from George Eliot.
Very neat, Melanie. A gold star for you for composition, cursive, and a festive spirit.

Next up – Mr Devine with an even more pertinent quote…

With this entry you are spoiling me, Mr Devine! I like your style! Very individual.

Next is Rimpy, who actually remembered my dream about Mr Lax! Were you in it too, Rimpy? Were you on the London Underground that evening? Anyhow, this is Rimpy’s creative entry….

Shakespeare! And there’s a nice cursive beneath that rush job – take your time Rimps!

Finally, and with much fanfare, I bring you Mistress Maddie with plenty of glamour and some lively curlicues…. nice chair…

Of course they are all winners for simply entering the competition, and if they would like to leave their addresses at reception, then they will all receive something jolly through their letter boxes in the very near future. Obviously, I do have to pick an overall winner for this competition to continue, so… hmmm…I think it should be…. well…. who do you think it should be?

Deadline

Before I rant and rave about the deadline, let me first rant and rave about WordPress. It is subtle, I know, but when I looked at my blog this morning the template had changed! I didn’t do it! Maybe Charmaine has been on the fiddle and tinkered with something under the bonnet? Rest assured that I am enfumed. YES, ENFUMED.

Meanwhile, the reason for this post – other than I haven’t written one for a week – is that I have only received TWO entries for the DID I WIN YET competition. Seriously, I wasn’t expecting such enthusiasm, it’s not like there is anything else going on in the world. The deadline for entries is Sunday 10th January, or thereabouts, I can be flexible. Please send your entries to me via my email address that is somewhere obvious on this blog/website. DO NOT MAKE ME THREATEN YOU WITH A FLOCK OF STARLINGS, or my appalling taste in music. I will announce the winner/s on Sunday 17th January.

And furthermore…. I have a meme for you from the olden days of 2008. What was the first vinyl single you ever bought? Slap it on your blog and tell us about it.

This was mine:-

Farewell 2020….

….and good riddance. I was going to write some sort of review of my blogging year, but it mostly consisted of storms in February; wild trampolines; a lot of whinging regarding an ongoing cold; and a lot of whining about my teeth. That was it. I was going to contact my doctor today regarding some other complaint, but now I’ve forgotten what it was – possibly something to do with still not being able to chew properly, or somesuch. I’m sure he will be pleased not to hear from me as I’m guessing he might have more pressing matters to attend to.

Meanwhile, I have been asked to judge a Haiku competition. No, I haven’t a clue why either – something to do with Charmaine living it large on a neighbouring Crossword blog, HERE, with cousin Batarde. I have read all the entries, my favourite is by Dtw42 [I accept the edit because I am kind like that and can’t add up either] and is as follows:-

Slate-grey Basingstoke skies;

cold, yet still no snow. The

duvet’s siren call.

I am hoping I am not responsible for supplying the prize?! It’s been one of those years where I’ve said yes to FAR TOO MUCH, and I am STILL suffering the consequences.

And talking of snow…. IT IS SNOWING HERE!!!! I did have a video to upload but none of my devices or apps are talking to each other, perhaps they have locked down to avoid some sort of hideous virus?

So a tune instead – I have been playing this a lot this month, sort of festive, cheerful and the closest I’ll get to a party tonight….

Ha! And I still have that necklace!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! May it live up to all our expectations!!!

Oh my goodness – did it work? Did I not break anything? Well this must be a first. Crikey.

Christmas 2020

Good evening. I bring you this blog post from my sofa. I am whiskey sodden and a little triffled, but this won’t stop me typing up my Christmas post. 
Earlier in the week I was supposed to seek out virtual pressies [as per Dinah’s fabulous meme] for all my blog chums. I thought long and hard about what each individual would desire; I kept a detailed and extensive list in my head. Sadly, I have now forgotten all of it – there might have been a jukebox for Jon, a Tribble for Mr Devine, some old books for Mr Mags, Kew Gardens for Dinah, a box of Codfanglers for Mistress Maddie, a quill for Mr Batarde, a 1960’s cocktail set for Mistress MJ, something pertinent for Nick [soz, clueless, all I can think of is a false beard right now],and a permanent residence in Hollywood for Savvy. But seeing as how I have forgotten all of this, and am incapable of doing links on this device, I have decided that because I am the global ambassador for Ferrero Rocher that I will simply shower everyone with golden nuts instead. Does this make any sense? Am really not sure. Whatever. Shall we see if I can include a tune? What tune?

Happy Christmas!

Bill, I have forgotten Bill. Damn it. Bill must have extra chocolate. And a new drone.

And Looby – I promised an M&S voucher, or was it S&M?
I am going to be editing this post forever… for Rimpy, I was thinking maybe a green pair of shorts would suffice? And Kylie – maybe her dream job?
I will shut up now. The year has been tough enough without me rambling on for the rest of the evening into the ether. HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!

A Festive Flashback…. [The Ghost of Christmas Past]

Time to get in a festive mood, so here is a flashback from November 2008 – HERE

‘Here come the girls…’ is the chant from the new Boots Christmas advert, obviously pandering to it’s female market by illustrating how women are better at organisation than men.

To do this Boots have made a short ‘fly-on-the-wall’ documentary about a group of women who are in the advanced stages of ‘Secret Santa’.  Each woman has pulled a colleague’s name out of Santa hat, and now they’re stampeding, like a cattle dressed in tinsel, to Boots to buy cheap and cheerful goods for Christmas. One of the token blokes is shown as being so incompetent that he is seen trying to gift wrap a stapler.

Part of me dislikes this ad because I think it encourages men to wallow in the myth that they are  incapable at choosing suitable gifts, and thus it discourages them from putting any effort into doing any Christmas shopping. Basically, women get lumbered with present finding. It’s not on. Being a man is not an excuse to be useless.

Anyhow, I do like that this ad is set in an office, and I like the tune, but I think that Boots are missing out all the good bits that only happen at Christmas, so I suggest a ‘Here come the girls’ sequel. In the sequel, Boots join forces with the people who make the alcohol awareness information films and together they show the true horrors that are unwrapped at the annual office party.

Firstly there is always a weeping wailing woman who sobs into her soup for 3hrs, making horrible stains across the tablecloth. In a drunken stupor she confesses loudly that she has been sleeping with the Group Operations Director for the last 3 months, but now he’s dumped her for a bright and shiny 18yr old receptionist. Nobody is surprised by this revelation as the GOD has form.

Then focus should shift to the couple who throughout the year have been working each other up into a sexual frenzy with furtive glances and breathy tension. At the Christmas party they cross the line of no return resulting in a ripped shirt, laddered tights and a pair of lost knickers. The next day he brags, and she denies. It takes another 6 months of furtive glances and breathy tension before they do the exact same thing at the company cheese and wine party. Six years later they get married. And buy a bungalow.

Finally there’s the drunken blonde floosey whose party piece is to snog everyone under the mistletoe and declare undying love, forever and ever, to anyone who’ll listen. She then takes it upon herself to entertain her colleagues by scrambling unassisted onto the table to belt out a rousing chorus of ‘I Will Survive’, just before flashing her tits at her boss and throwing up in his lap . Oops.

At least we don’t have to put up with this nightmare in 2020.

The ‘Did I Win Yet?’ Competition/Award

Because I won the first ‘Did I Win Yet?’ competition, way back in January 2020, hosted by the lovely Mr Devine HERE, I now have the joyous pleasure of hosting the second! Yay!!

So what is the ‘Did I Win Yet?’ competition? It is simply a way to honour our old friend Mr Lax. And this competition/award can take any format I fancy! I am so relieved that it doesn’t have to be a quiz – I can instead make it easy. Thank goodness, as I think we have all been a little mentally overtaxed this year.

To win the ‘Did I Win Yet’ award 2021 please complete the following sections:-

Section 1 – The Quiz Bit

Q1. Many years ago Ms Scarlet had a dream about Mr Lax. In this dream Mr Lax instructed Ms Scarlet to do what? Was it:

a) Feed his cats

b) Mind the gap

c) Feed somebody else’s cats

d) Mind the cranberry sauce

Q2. What does LX mean?

a) No, seriously what does LX mean? Did we ever find out?

b) It means XL

c) Something to do with engineering

d) Nothing in particular

Section 2 – The Creative Bit

For this section I would like you to write out your favourite quote as adventurously as you dare; place it on a chair of your choice; photograph it; and then send this picture to me for me to examine with my keen eye for all types of writing.

That’s it!! This is all you have to do to enter the ‘Did I Win Yet?’ competition!! We’ve had gardening competitions, so it’s about time we had a handwriting compo!

The competition is open as soon as I publish this post. The deadline is 10th January 2021. The winner/s will be announced on 17th January 2021. Please send your entries to scarlet@wonky-words.com. Please remember to include responses to both sections. The prize is the honour of hosting the next ‘Did I Win Yet?’ competition; the exclusive right to put the following on your sideboard:-

AND, I might send you a little something if you want me to. I look forward to receiving your entries, and will continually pester you until you do.