Category Archives: headlines

Headliners

As a small child my imagination was rampant with images of gorillas armed with machine guns waging war in jungles; call girls innocently making money in telephone boxes; and stubborn mules being stuffed with drugs. My imagination, devoid of explanation, saw fit to fill in the gaps.
With this in mind I thought I would start a weekly series of posts dedicated to recent news headlines that my imagination has seen fit to misinterpret. Sometimes I will have a raft of headlines due to my head being particularly fluffy, and sometimes I will have very few – possibly due to my head being so fluffy it refuses to read anything at all.

My first for this week is:-

Vogue Portugal defends controversial mental health cover

In my head Vogue Portugal becomes a sleek, sophisticated, business woman who has been culturally cancelled due to not allowing her staff access to mental health insurance. Her workforce have taken her to task for this, and she is defending herself by pointing out all the perks they get instead, such as Gucci sunglasses, and access to a jacuzzi during their lunch breaks.

My second misread:-

Coach sex activity figures show ‘law change needed’

My poor little head went into overdrive with this one, i.e. does it mean there isn’t enough sex on coaches? Or too much? Is there so much sex going on in coaches that a law is needed to stop it? I didn’t know that people had so much sex in coaches; are people allowed back on coaches now? Who knew a day trip to Blackpool could be so thrilling… Etcetera, Etcetera….

So there you go, a little insight to the workings of my mind. I am hoping to develop the character of Vogue Portugal so that she eventually has a role in Write Panic. I’m sure she could do something useful with a banana.

[Edit]For Jon, because I am a jolly hostess….