Category Archives: headlines

Of Unicorns and Boobs

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Phew! Wot a scorcher, etc, etc… I am a day late with my promised post, apologies, but I am still wafting aimlessly, and playing around with my curtains/windows as per my last post. It is exhausting.

And, speaking of my last post, Mr Mags enquired about the background paper that I use in my collage photographs. It is this:-

Back in 2012, or thereabouts, I decided it would be a challenge to paint some text from my favourite book – a book that always makes me laugh until tears are streaming down my cheeks and I am reduced to a hiccuping mess on the floor. It is this book:-


I originally bought it for my Dad when I was about 10, and didn’t quite understand it like I understand it today. It is a collection of misprints from the world’s press. And I can’t even read the cover without snorting and getting a stitch in my side.

The clipping I was trying to paint was this one:-

I will zoom in…

I was trying to paint it so that I captured the print quality, and failed miserably. Sadly, today’s press is digital and therefore news-sites are less likely to make such comical errors, however this didn’t stop me from reading this morning that Unicorns Warn on Cost of Living Crisis….

A tune, I think, with a seventies vibe…

Pussyfoot Arrives

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Apologies, but 1938 has been difficult to photograph, so I have had to make do with images from this grubby old newspaper. I have no idea why my parents saw fit to save it for posterity, but they saw fit to save all manner of strange unidentifiable items from the dim and distant past – including old love letters – if they were around today we would be having words. Tut.

Without further ado, I bring you…. 1938! Specifically, Monday 28th March. Please click on the pics to view them on an enormous scale so that you can read the small print; trust me, it’s worth it.

Beware trapdoors, and don’t get married too young – it’ll make you want to return to school…

A fascinating view of how those in 1938 recalled the 1920’s…

And to end this post, let’s test our wits – answers will be provided on Wednesday evening, possibly 2021.

Headliners

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As a small child my imagination was rampant with images of gorillas armed with machine guns waging war in jungles; call girls innocently making money in telephone boxes; and stubborn mules being stuffed with drugs. My imagination, devoid of explanation, saw fit to fill in the gaps.
With this in mind I thought I would start a weekly series of posts dedicated to recent news headlines that my imagination has seen fit to misinterpret. Sometimes I will have a raft of headlines due to my head being particularly fluffy, and sometimes I will have very few – possibly due to my head being so fluffy it refuses to read anything at all.

My first for this week is:-

Vogue Portugal defends controversial mental health cover

In my head Vogue Portugal becomes a sleek, sophisticated, business woman who has been culturally cancelled due to not allowing her staff access to mental health insurance. Her workforce have taken her to task for this, and she is defending herself by pointing out all the perks they get instead, such as Gucci sunglasses, and access to a jacuzzi during their lunch breaks.

My second misread:-

Coach sex activity figures show ‘law change needed’

My poor little head went into overdrive with this one, i.e. does it mean there isn’t enough sex on coaches? Or too much? Is there so much sex going on in coaches that a law is needed to stop it? I didn’t know that people had so much sex in coaches; are people allowed back on coaches now? Who knew a day trip to Blackpool could be so thrilling… Etcetera, Etcetera….

So there you go, a little insight to the workings of my mind. I am hoping to develop the character of Vogue Portugal so that she eventually has a role in Write Panic. I’m sure she could do something useful with a banana.

[Edit]For Jon, because I am a jolly hostess….