….or not so lucky.
I did used to enjoy writing those old advert posts, but over the past few years I have been consumed by calligraphy, and, to be fair, I haven’t seen many adverts that I’ve felt inspired by. Is it my jaded old brain or the new swathe of boring adverts that are to blame? Bit of both I reckon. Also I have a tendency to be scrolling through my iPad whilst the adverts are on so maybe I should pay more attention?
Anyhow, here is an old advert post from 2011.
Due to the sluggish financial market the Halifax staff have little to do. They are under strict instruction to only authorise two mortgages this year and can only lend to people who don’t need loans. The financial advisers have all been made redundant and now the entire business is propped up by the canteen staff who have diversified by setting up a radio station in the basement of an NCP car park in Buttocks Booth just off Lumbertubs Lane. They broadcast daily, via telegraphic transfer, to five mountain goats on a farm in Southwold, Suffolk.
Scottish widow Sandy and Co-operative Carol provide the morning entertainment with a breakfast show. They are a tight team; they have a mutual interest in investing extra digits in their hedge funds and have bonded over unit banking. Alas, they are so enamoured by one another that they have failed to notice the potential threat of a hostile takeover bid from tea boy, Derek. He has coveted their breakfast slots from afar and, in an effort to remove the women from the helm he has sabotaged Sandy’s liquid assets. He completes the arm’s length transaction by passing Sandy her mug. The mug handle breaks causing hot tea to spill across the mixing desk. Carol and Sandy are unfazed by life’s little dramas. They have each other and therefore the accelerated depreciation is negligible. They smile sweetly and, still laughing, still singing from the same spreadsheet, they tell Derek that life is better with a beaver.
And to finish on a topical note a little gilded insult from Lulu’s suggestion on a previous post,
NEXT TIME: Under the weight of all the books, the chair breaks, leading Ms Scarlet to enrol on a chair restoration course where she meets a man in a bobble hat who offers her a hobnob and a cup of tea from his tartan themed thermos flask….
There is no point in me competing with Mr Devine for the best photograph of a cormorant award. I would not win, because a) I am not so handy with a camera and b) The cormorants in Devon are just plain lazy. They do not pose like their Norfolk cousins. I found this one gazing out to sea unperturbed by my presence.
He was probably wondering why the silly woman on the shore was taking a photograph of the vast expanse of sky above his head, and he indicated these thoughts by giving me a cock-eyed withering look….
Okay….so it’s a crow on a fence post… whatever…..
Anyhow…. I will be back with another enlightening blog post very soon, possibly before the 21st November – I know! Go me! There will be gold. There will be calligraphy. There will be insults, AND [drum roll] there will be a book on a chair!! Maybe two books on a chair!!! Indeed, a plethora of excitement awaits us…. so I’d better get on and do that then.
UPDATE:- The difference between cormorants and shags…..
Yes, they are slightly different. I might have a shag here?
I have received concerned emails from my loyal commenters regarding my recent home improvements. Over the past 48hrs I have been described as: Too big! Enormous; all over the place; frankly unreadable; and, deleted. Rest assured I am still here…. festering away… and I have now settled for the look and feel of a 1960’s shiny information brochure. Nobody else is moving in this direction, and it seems to suit, so for another year or so all housekeeping is complete. There may be some updates to the pages… some fresh pictures of calligraphy etc, but for now I am happy enough in my black and white 1960’s world.
Moving swiftly on…. I promised pictures to piqué the interest of Mr Devine, so here is a little tease alluding to recent excursions….
A Visit to the Dark Side….
Visiting a local museum
So… there you have it… I am now exhausted from all this faffing about… but I will return with some shiny calligraphy to fit with my shiny brochure theme…. NOW ENOUGH WITH THE COMPLAINTS!!!!!
…..to bring you two pictures of a hedgehog. Mr Devine has cornered the market on big sky and cormorants leaving me with nothing to work with other than a hedgehog…. so there you go… if you stare at a blog long enough eventually something new will appear. But perhaps not what you expect nor want.
And for those keen on pen marks and calligraphy, some recent work….
I will now make Ye Olde Blogging promise about updating more frequently in future etc, etc… etc…. blah, blah, blah…. *sincere well meaning face on head that is furiously nodding*…..
….lend me your wallets….
Old blogging chum Gyppo Byard has designed an Insult Generator, and it works!!! It is fabulous, I used it this morning to yell at the telly. AND, our friends in the US seem to love it too. With this in mind I have come up with a cunning plan to shore up the British bank vaults…. yes, I am stealing Mr Byard’s generator and will be opening The British Insult Shop on Etsy. I am positive that my US chums will be clamouring at my door wanting me to pen an insult for them. Think about it – the pound has fallen so you can get more insults to the dollar. I will also be offering the luxury version – The Gilded Insult. I will be away talking percentages with Mr Byard and working on designs, but for now, here is a preliminary sketch….
Please wish me well with this new venture.
I thought I would share the view from my bathroom. I was fully dressed when I took this photograph – it is a bit fuzzy because I was trying to zoom in on the flax fields. Yes, I sometimes sit in my bath and pretend these are fields of lavender and that I’m in France.
A Bathroom with a view….
And here is another picture of a book on a chair seeing as the book on the chair in my previous post proved so popular. I have decided that ‘A book on a chair’ is my new thing. This is The Illusionists by Rosie Thomas – a jolly romp through Victorian London theatre land. As I’m reading I am envisioning Clark Gable in the lead role alongside Warwick Davis and Jenna Coleman, plus my envisioning is in black and white and was made in 1939. I am on page 284 (of 513) and the obligatory reference to Jack the Ripper has just turned up.
Book on chair…
Meanwhile, I have finished this. I am not happy with it. It is suffering from Kolner Miniatum pucker…. meaning the surface of the gold is wrinkly; this is probably because I applied the miniatum too thickly – or because I didn’t breathe on it correctly and therefore introduced unnecessary moisture to the surface before applying the leaf. Ack. This is a fuzzy photo to deliberately disguise my shortcomings.
I am happy with this though….
Until next time when I will have another book on a chair.