A Game of Fourplay

I have been tagged to do a meme, and, as is my way, I have decided to do it immediately – granted I have postponed it for nearly a month… but this is as close to ‘immediately’ that I could get. Thank you Mr Nikos for tagging me!!

Okay…. this is complicated….I have to give four answers to four questions, which are:-

1. What is your favourite food?
2. What are your favourite drinks?
3. Places you’ve been?
4. Names that you’re known by?

FOOD WOT I LIKE:-

1) Chips
2) Potatoes
3) Cake
4) Biscuits

I am a cheap date.

DRINKS WOT I LIKE:-

1) Whiskey
2) Irish Coffee
3) Calypso Coffee
4) Irish Cream Coffee

Not that cheap a date.

PLACES I HAVE BEEN:-

1) The King’s Arms
2) The Hung Drawn and Quartered
3) Dirty Dick’s
4) The Crypt, Deptford

WOT PEOPLE CALL ME:-

1) Ms Scarlet
2) Snug
3) Frustrating
4) Impossible

If anyone would like to join me in some Fourplay then please feel free to do so. And, because it is THAT time of year, I will finish with a tune….

Billy Mack – Christmas is All Around (Love Actually) from Christmas is All around on Vimeo.

Another Invitation of Sorts [Tales From Luddley-cum-Mogwash, Part 44]

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Bottled Temptation

Moonchild Etherington-Smythe, owner of the Viridian Venus gallery, gathers the post from the doormat as she breezes into her colourful domain causing the tassels on her sequined scarf to fly in her wake. She is no longer just a small time gallery owner; thanks to her huge online profile [13 million followers on Instagram and 50,000 Likes on her Facebook page] she is now also responsible for running a network of crafty workshops across the UK, and Malta. Workshops include: Whittling Abstract Spoons [spoons without handles and vice versa]; How To Express The Sound Of A Vacuum Cleaner Through The Medium Of Paint [ever popular]; How To Write Like A Two Year Old [inky fun, no previous experience necessary, only £60 per head]; AND, Generic Retailing [how to sell new-found skills online within five minutes of learning them]. Moonchild is proud of her artistic success. She is proud to be such a creative inspiration for so many people and, she is proud to be at the apex of the crafting pyramid.

Moonchild flicks through her mail before taking off her velvet coat and flinging it on the counter. A grey envelope draws her attention, she turns it over and caresses her name and address with her stubby ring stuffed fingers. The address feels raised, as if embossed.

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A Peculiar E

Moonchild is familiar with the craft of calligraphy, she smiles and nods approvingly as her eyes settle on a distinctive, wonky ‘g’, and the curvy, very peculiar ‘E’. Someone after my own heart, she thinks. She pauses and decides against tearing the envelope with her fingernails, instead she takes a pair of mini pinking shears from beneath the counter and carefully cuts a neat row of shark teeth across the top of the envelope. She tries to guess the nature of the invitation, because surely this has to be an invitation?
Within the envelope there are two pieces of brown cardboard taped together to protect the inner content. Moonchild snorts and expertly makes short shrift of the tape, she tosses the cardboard into the bin and places a black and white photograph of a bottle on top of her velvet coat.
What sort of game is this? She wonders. She turns the photograph over to reveal a scribbled time, date, and address: 8pm, 21st November 2045, Mogwash Village Hall, Mogwash. As a squally wind causes the gallery door to swing open, a memory recollects, and Moonchild is chilled to the bone.

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A Bad Memory?

The Joy of Lettering – A book on a Chair….

Finally a perk for being an online calligrapher! I have been sent a book to review direct from the publisher. I am chuffed to be asked. The book is The Joy of Lettering by Gabri Joy Kirkendall and Jaclyn Anne Escalera, and ‘joy’ is the operative word.

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A big book on a chair!! 144 pages of lettering joy!!

The book is divided into five sections covering the history of lettering; stylised typography; lettering techniques; lettering with alternative media; and a final section for projects. The projects are well illustrated with easy to follow instructions throughout; they are probably best suited to beginners, although after a casual perusal I did feel inspired to learn how to digitise my lettering, and perhaps make my own Christmas wrapping paper…

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Wrapping paper project!!

I will definitely make the gift tags…

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Jolly Christmas tags!!

…and I will possibly do something artful with an envelope. I was a little perturbed/distressed by pages 82-85…. I would be fibbing if I said I didn’t twitch a little – you will have to grab a copy of the book to find out why, fortunately the project featuring laminated foil made up for this – as I’ve always wanted to know how this is done, AND there is instruction on how to make a hand-lettered typeface, which is something I’ve always wanted to try.

With hints and tips aplenty, The Joy of Lettering demonstrates how all lettering techniques can be applied to enhance a plethora of craft projects. It’s a resource book that encourages the reader to try new ideas, to hone their skills, and, most importantly, to develop their own unique style.

More reviews and where to buy The Joy of Lettering HERE

In other news:-

Over Halloween I had a visitation. This often happens to me in October. A penny dropped. A discarded teabag was discovered in the hallway. A death occurred… and I finally committed myself to finishing my epic pamphlet called The Chronicles of Mogwash. Fear not, I will not randomly publish Mogwash related posts on this blog. I will finish the damn thing first so as not to cause my six dedicated Mogwash fans unnecessary suffering.

May the teabag be with you.

Sx

Lucky You…..

….or not so lucky.

I did used to enjoy writing those old advert posts, but over the past few years I have been consumed by calligraphy, and, to be fair, I haven’t seen many adverts that I’ve felt inspired by. Is it my jaded old brain or the new swathe of boring adverts that are to blame? Bit of both I reckon. Also I have a tendency to be scrolling through my iPad whilst the adverts are on so maybe I should pay more attention?

Anyhow, here is an old advert post from 2011.

Due to the sluggish financial market the Halifax staff have little to do. They are under strict instruction to only authorise two mortgages this year and can only lend to people who don’t need loans. The financial advisers have all been made redundant and now the entire business is propped up by the canteen staff who have diversified by setting up a radio station in the basement of an NCP car park in Buttocks Booth just off Lumbertubs Lane. They broadcast daily, via telegraphic transfer, to five mountain goats on a farm in Southwold, Suffolk.
Scottish widow Sandy and Co-operative Carol provide the morning entertainment with a breakfast show. They are a tight team; they have a mutual interest in investing extra digits in their hedge funds and have bonded over unit banking. Alas, they are so enamoured by one another that they have failed to notice the potential threat of a hostile takeover bid from tea boy, Derek. He has coveted their breakfast slots from afar and, in an effort to remove the women from the helm he has sabotaged Sandy’s liquid assets. He completes the arm’s length transaction by passing Sandy her mug. The mug handle breaks causing hot tea to spill across the mixing desk. Carol and Sandy are unfazed by life’s little dramas. They have each other and therefore the accelerated depreciation is negligible. They smile sweetly and, still laughing, still singing from the same spreadsheet, they tell Derek that life is better with a beaver.

And to finish on a topical note a little gilded insult from Lulu’s suggestion on a previous post,

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Trump?

NEXT TIME: Under the weight of all the books, the chair breaks, leading Ms Scarlet to enrol on a chair restoration course where she meets a man in a bobble hat who offers her a hobnob and a cup of tea from his tartan themed thermos flask….

An Interim Post with a Bird on Top….

There is no point in me competing with Mr Devine for the best photograph of a cormorant award. I would not win, because a) I am not so handy with a camera and b) The cormorants in Devon are just plain lazy. They do not pose like their Norfolk cousins. I found this one gazing out to sea unperturbed by my presence.

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He was probably wondering why the silly woman on the shore was taking a photograph of the vast expanse of sky above his head, and he indicated these thoughts by giving me a cock-eyed withering look….

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Okay….so it’s a crow on a fence post… whatever…..

Anyhow…. I will be back with another enlightening blog post very soon, possibly before the 21st November – I know! Go me! There will be gold. There will be calligraphy. There will be insults, AND [drum roll] there will be a book on a chair!! Maybe two books on a chair!!! Indeed, a plethora of excitement awaits us…. so I’d better get on and do that then.

UPDATE:- The difference between cormorants and shags…..

Yes, they are slightly different. I might have a shag here?