My fingers stuttered over my keyboard as I tried to write a birthday post for my blogging chum, Mr Devine. I wanted to say something more than: Happy Birthday, Big Boy!!! I wanted to write a post that would be memorable, considered, heart-felt, and almost as good as eating a ludicrously overfilled cake. I stared at the screen, my cursor blinking unhelpfully.
Perhaps a glorious picture of the Devon sky at night with a shooting star would impress him…..
Devon sky at night with shooting star? Or close-up of a black piece of paper?
Or maybe he would be filled with joy to see a picture of a crashed UFO that turned up on my doorstep on Sunday?
Snow drift… or crashed UFO?
And then I remembered…. I had just the thing….a bird with a very long beak!!!! Even better, an unidentified bird with a very long beak!!!
Beaky has gotten beakier….
I had done it!!! I had surpassed myself!!! With this birthday post I was spoiling everyone!!! And, there was only one thing left to say to Mr Devine: Happy Birthday, Big Boy!!!!
It is my birthday. I have a buggy head cold sort of bug thing, which is buggy. I am eating cake, so all is well. I think the bug was made worse by this sort of thing….
When I looked out my window and saw this I thought it was a rather pathetic attempt at snowfall, it was only when I came to walk Sidney that I realised that the snow had been blown off the fields and into the lanes making them impassable by most vehicles – even 4x4s. Do I have pictures of the lanes? Of course I don’t…. you need fingers to take pictures, and my fingers were frozen within two pairs of thick woolly gloves. I’m actually very sad that I don’t have pictures because it was all very dramatic and rather rare for Devon.
Meanwhile, I am concerned that we have lost Mr Mags, I believe this is due to technical issues, so I shall be trying to contact him the old-fashioned way via pen and paper…. I was thinking that I could buy a card that we could all sign and send on to him, obviously this card would start in Devon, UK, then journey to Norfolk…. it would then spend some time in Texas, HERE and HERE before making its way to Canada, then down under to Australia…. [perhaps Dinah could stand over Ms Prinny when she signs it so that it doesn’t get lost] and then finally to Germany. I’d like Mr Mags to know that we are all thinking of him.
Yes, and while I am on the subject of lost things…. shall I see if I can purchase an item of clothing to replace the Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts??? Shall I? Just as a temporary measure until the real ones show up…. but it wouldn’t be the same would it? All the legendary stains/smells/curly hairs would be missing.
Right, I must rouse myself to eat more cake….
Ifell over again! This time a not so innocent young dog WAS involved in my downfall. My knees are black, blue, light ochre, mauve, and there are also unseasonal shades of orange, but this might be to do with an ink spillage.
AND I AM FED UP. I am fed up with the weather. I feel as if I’m a character living within a cartoon and every time I leave my cartoon house another character comes along and throws an enormous bucket of water over me and then the whole audience watching the cartoon fall about laughing as I stand there dripping from eyelash to well manicured toenail. FED UP I tell you.
Meanwhile, I have completed ONE Loopy Letter. I have written about it on my Loopy Letter website. But, I am fed up with myself for not getting more done. It is an awkward time of year for me though, what with being preoccupied with towels, and hair dryers, and trying to stop the mud from coming through the front door. And when I am not doing battle with what other people fondly refer to as ‘the outside’ I am feeding a wood burning stove a large chunk of forest. Do you know how much dust a wood burner makes???? It looks so cosy on Pinterest – stylish, clean, tidy. The reality is a thick coat of dust over everything, and chips of wood and sawdust trodden into rugs and carpets. Apologies, I am whingeing.
Anyhow, here is a snippet of my first Loopy Letter…..
First Loopy Letter….
News regarding The Scarlet Blue Ten Years of Blogging Celebrations!! To be held in June 2018!! Watch the space…. but move aside swiftly if you see a grey cloud clutching a bucket of water heading towards you.
Apologies for my tardy, and possibly tawdry felicitations. I have been involved in a minor mishap involving Storm Eleanor, a tree, and a muddy public footpath. The dog was also there, but is a blameless innocent creature. It was my own stupid fault for trying to jump down from the trunk of a fallen tree and misjudging the distance from trunk to ground. I landed badly, twisted my ankle, and possibly caused some damage to my knee. I shall gloss over the part where I nearly passed out in a deserted country lane. I am not one to make a fuss, it’s not like I was going to lay there undiscovered for weeks on end – hell, if the worst came to the worst I could have simply pulled out my smart phone and published a blog post to alert people of my distress, failing that I could have rung the emergency services.
Anyhow, all is well now, other than a twinge in my knee, and I still feel a bit odd. As part of my recovery process I have been propped up on the sofa watching box sets. So far I have watched all seasons of Stranger Things; Feud; and The Tunnel. I have become something of a TV drama addict, so imagine how thrilled I was when Killer Women with Pie appeared on my TV guide….
New Bake Off!!!
What could this be? Could it be a new Bake Off programme featuring female serial killers showing off their soggy bottoms? Or was it about dangerous femme fatales with a weakness for pastry nibbles? Even better, was it a new psychological drama whereby a crusty British detective and his French female counterpart race against time to prevent a batch of mince pies from going stale midway between Folkestone and Calais? Sadly, it was none of these, it was Killer Women with a pasty, patronising geezer. Programme makers please note that Killer Women with Pie had so much more potential.
Happy New Year!!!! Here’s hoping that all major drama in 2018 is fictional and confined to our TV screens!
It is November 2nd and of course the weather here is glorious….
Mud??? What mud???
Remember this view back in July look at it now that it’s November!!! I thought I ought to redress the balance as I’m always complaining about the endless rivers of mud, but sometimes… often…it is beautiful here.
The yellow flowers?? A mustard crop. Right… I am busy doing things… I will tell you later. And I got a bath mat. It is in the bath.
Who would have thought that purchasing a new bath mat could be so complicated, and that it would lead to me trawling through online dictionaries, wasting hours of time, when I could have been soaking in a…er… hot bath. It all started at Boots.com [the UK department store, which sells lotions and potions and all things smelly… talking of smelly, Mr Beastie has briefly resurfaced] whereupon I entered the words ‘bath’ and ‘mat’ in the search box.
Please see exhibit A – click to make big.
‘Did you mean to search for Bath Mat? Showing results for ‘max”, replied Boots.com. BUT I DID SEARCH FOR BATH MAT, I howled at the screen. I looked at the search box carefully. I scrutinised it, perhaps I’d typed in ‘enormous maximus’ by mistake as I am wont to do. It seems that Boots were not used to me enquiring about anything so prosaic as a bath mat. Why was I not indulging myself with cosmetics and tooth whitener as I usually do? Boots obviously thought it knew me better.
Please see exhibit B – click to make big.
I then had a brain wave, perhaps ‘bath mat’ is all one word… et voilà…. I found the virtual bathmat aisle. So I thought: fair enough, now I know that bathmat is one word…. but of course I had to check AND ALL THE DICTIONARIES DISAGREE. *WordPress doesn’t seem to like it; my Apple dictionary says NO. My Collins Gem dictionary has no trace of ‘bathmat’. Google seems confused. I am none the wiser…. but does it really matter?
Who cares how it’s spelt, all that matters is that I don’t slip in the bath and bruise my buttocks whilst taking a shower. I CARE. I BLOODY CARE. WHO AM I KIDDING TO SAY THAT I DON’T???????????? I WANT A DEFINITIVE ANSWER AND I WANT IT NOW. AND IF BATHMAT IS TWO WORDS I CAN WRITE TO BOOTS AND TELL THEM THEY ARE WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WHAT RIGHT HAVE THEY GOT TO BASTARDISE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR NONSENSICAL STUPID FRUSTRATING STUPID DAFT BUGGERING ALGORITHMS?????
…and breathe. Life has been a tad stressful lately. I will now log off and feed the dog.
*To be fair, WordPress doesn’t seem keen on ‘Bastardise’ and ‘Buggering’ either, so it doesn’t know everything.