Tag Archives: writing

Meanwhile…..

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…..back in the real world I have bought myself a new camera. It is very fancy and has lots of bells and whistles; I have no clue how to use it. For photos on my blog I use my iPad because it’s very good at taking sharp pictures of small details, i.e. it’s very good for calligraphy and collage, but not so wonderful at distant views – poor zoom capability.

Anyhow, I am trying to learn Camera. I am calling it Camera because it’s on a par with learning a foreign language. It is fine if I leave it in Auto mode [as seen in my previous post – competent pics of a misty morning, and nice pic of Sid], but if I stray out of Auto mode the results aren’t so pretty….

Therefore during the month of October I will be mostly learning Camera; writing Christmas card addresses in my finest calligraphy; and trying to write a novel. I know crazy talk! Writing a novel has been an ambition of mine since I was a child, but I’ve never really taken it seriously – I have a habit of giving up once the going gets tough, or when I realise I’ve written 16,000 words of utter tosh. It doesn’t matter if it is tosh – it’s the journey that matters, and actually FINISHING SOMETHING PROPERLY. I get so cross with myself. I will have regrets if I don’t try. [All this talk of apocalypse focuses the mind]. I will also have regrets if I leave Christmas card addressing until mid-December [unless there is an apocalypse and then it won’t matter].

Last week I heard this tune on the radio – I thought it was something from the 1980’s – apparently not.

Though appropriate for the difficult times we are living through.

Next Week: Ms Scarlet falls asleep; her ink goes dry, and her keyboard remains silent.

Let’s Write A Book!

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And so the dystopian nightmare begins – I can no longer reserve a Waitrose delivery slot. Sigh. AND, the BBC have suspended filming Eastenders.

Anyhow, I have had an idea. Back in the day when blogging was fresh and new I worked on a project called Burning Lines with a cluster of writerly bloggers from around the world. It was organised by Kate Lord Brown [now a highly regarded published writer] and it was one of the funniest blogging projects I have ever been involved with.
There were about nine of us and together over the course of a month we took it in turn to write a book using the blogging format. The ongoing saga featured exploding dwarves, macaroons, mysterious parcels, and a couple of angels. Put it this way, some of us took it seriously… and some of us didn’t, but it was hilarious.
I was wondering if anyone would like to give it a go? If there is interest I will set up a blog [probably on Blogger] specifically for this project and give authors permission to post – like a joint blog.

Personally I feel like I need something fun to take my mind off this virus pandemonium thing. What do you reckon? If no one is interested then I will simply go off in a huff and write more Mogwash posts, so no worries.

The Cultural Relevance of Pot Noodle (A moment of self doubt)

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close-up-images-from-bottles

Pain

My attempts to curry favour with gallery owners and curators are best described as ill advised moments of insanity. Possibly for personal amusement, Taramind Dewhurst, the Chloe clad, immaculately groomed curator of ‘The Onion’ gallery, sacrificed some time to see me.

Ushering me towards a vast fibreglass sculpture of what appeared to be a rabid representation of a cat in decline, Taramind purred, “It’s sublime isn’t it? Such a poignant reference to the transient quality of life and the finality of death in such an inescapable way”.

I adopted what I considered to be a knowledgeable pose and nodded sagely. Tracing a finger across the belly of the cat, Taramind turned to me, a smile playing on her glossy lips, “So tell me about your bottles”.

minature-bottle-of-Jack-Daniels-within-larger-bottle-uk

Misery. Time to hit the bottle and get smashed.

I managed to cobble together a stuttering of words relating to semiotics, structuralism and of my position within popular culture, but I knew I was out of my depth. Taramind gazed at me, slightly flirtatiously, but with just about the right amount of derision to ensure the onset of an anxiety attack.

Sometime later, whilst recovering in my car it occurred to me that if Picasso was a culinary four course extravaganza, served in only the best restaurants in town, then I was the artistic equivalent of Pot Noodle, a grubby secret, instantly gratifying but leaving no lasting impression. I recognised my place in the food chain, something had to be done and so began the machinations of my masterplan.

17 November 2006