Happy New Year!!!!

Some may notice that I am a little late with my felicitations. Apologies. Better late than never.

My time is being consumed by this….

jack-russell-UK

I’m on the bed what’ya gonna do about it??????

Please note that it is not advisable to let a Jack Russell on your bed. The Jack Russell is bred to go to earth to flush out foxes and badgers for hunting….so NEVER allow him under your duvet whilst you are still in the land of nod or you may have a very undignified awakening.

Sid is very energetic….. needing 72hrs of exercise per day….which leaves very little time for this….

gilded-letter-k-uk

Special K

This poor ‘K’ has taken me over a month to complete…. and probably should have been posted to a friend in time for Christmas. I am ashamed of myself.

Anyhow…. 2016 is over. It was not the best of years. There was Brexit. There was/is Trump. On a personal note I found out that the man I sold my old cottage to was brutally murdered in my old home – on this floor that Mr Jimmy described as decidedly grubby. Reports of the murder were in the national press, and I found it both horrifying and disturbing. I have felt withdrawn ever since, and my good humour has somehow been dented. Mogwash began in that old cottage.

I will probably not write much calligraphy in 2017, I am not feeling the vibe for it, it’s a generic sort of art form in any case, and as soon as I tweak my writing to make it look individual somebody comes along and copies my tweaks without a by or leave or a credit. I am fed up with this sort of behaviour, so I give up on it. There I said it. Done with. I am fed up with feeling grumpy about it.

I mean to blog in 2017. I was a grumpy old bat in 2016, and the grumpier I am the less posts I write as I know they will be dismal dull like this one. I also mean to read more books. In between running around after Sid I have managed to read one book so far – YAY!!!

look-at-me-sarah-duguid-book-review

Look At Me – Sarah Duguid

Apologies for this book not being on a chair, but I read it on my Kindle app. Look At Me is about a grumpy posh girl with an eating disorder and father fixation who discovers she has a common as muck half-sister who has an OCD regarding cleaning. There is a bit of bitching, and some sulking, and the wearing of a very unpleasant silver frock, leading to slapping, flouncing off, and some good old-fashioned setting the bed sheets on fire – literally. It was very well written and I enjoyed it.

2016 RIP

Lucky You…..

….or not so lucky.

I did used to enjoy writing those old advert posts, but over the past few years I have been consumed by calligraphy, and, to be fair, I haven’t seen many adverts that I’ve felt inspired by. Is it my jaded old brain or the new swathe of boring adverts that are to blame? Bit of both I reckon. Also I have a tendency to be scrolling through my iPad whilst the adverts are on so maybe I should pay more attention?

Anyhow, here is an old advert post from 2011.

Due to the sluggish financial market the Halifax staff have little to do. They are under strict instruction to only authorise two mortgages this year and can only lend to people who don’t need loans. The financial advisers have all been made redundant and now the entire business is propped up by the canteen staff who have diversified by setting up a radio station in the basement of an NCP car park in Buttocks Booth just off Lumbertubs Lane. They broadcast daily, via telegraphic transfer, to five mountain goats on a farm in Southwold, Suffolk.
Scottish widow Sandy and Co-operative Carol provide the morning entertainment with a breakfast show. They are a tight team; they have a mutual interest in investing extra digits in their hedge funds and have bonded over unit banking. Alas, they are so enamoured by one another that they have failed to notice the potential threat of a hostile takeover bid from tea boy, Derek. He has coveted their breakfast slots from afar and, in an effort to remove the women from the helm he has sabotaged Sandy’s liquid assets. He completes the arm’s length transaction by passing Sandy her mug. The mug handle breaks causing hot tea to spill across the mixing desk. Carol and Sandy are unfazed by life’s little dramas. They have each other and therefore the accelerated depreciation is negligible. They smile sweetly and, still laughing, still singing from the same spreadsheet, they tell Derek that life is better with a beaver.

And to finish on a topical note a little gilded insult from Lulu’s suggestion on a previous post,

gilded-insult-gold-leaf-calligraphy-uk

Trump?

NEXT TIME: Under the weight of all the books, the chair breaks, leading Ms Scarlet to enrol on a chair restoration course where she meets a man in a bobble hat who offers her a hobnob and a cup of tea from his tartan themed thermos flask….

Friends, Romans, Countrymen……

….lend me your wallets….

Old blogging chum Gyppo Byard has designed an Insult Generator, and it works!!! It is fabulous, I used it this morning to yell at the telly. AND, our friends in the US seem to love it too. With this in mind I have come up with a cunning plan to shore up the British bank vaults…. yes, I am stealing Mr Byard’s generator and will be opening The British Insult Shop on Etsy. I am positive that my US chums will be clamouring at my door wanting me to pen an insult for them. Think about it – the pound has fallen so you can get more insults to the dollar. I will also be offering the luxury version – The Gilded Insult. I will be away talking percentages with Mr Byard and working on designs, but for now, here is a preliminary sketch….

calligraphy-British-insult

Nigel Farage?

Please wish me well with this new venture.
Sx

Another Book on a Chair

I thought I would share the view from my bathroom. I was fully dressed when I took this photograph – it is a bit fuzzy because I was trying to zoom in on the flax fields. Yes, I sometimes sit in my bath and pretend these are fields of lavender and that I’m in France.

north-devon-flax-fields-may-2016

A Bathroom with a view….

And here is another picture of a book on a chair seeing as the book on the chair in my previous post proved so popular. I have decided that ‘A book on a chair’ is my new thing. This is The Illusionists by Rosie Thomas – a jolly romp through Victorian London theatre land. As I’m reading I am envisioning Clark Gable in the lead role alongside Warwick Davis and Jenna Coleman, plus my envisioning is in black and white and was made in 1939. I am on page 284 (of 513) and the obligatory reference to Jack the Ripper has just turned up.

rosie-thomas-the-illusionists-review-2016

Book on chair…

Meanwhile, I have finished this. I am not happy with it. It is suffering from Kolner Miniatum pucker…. meaning the surface of the gold is wrinkly; this is probably because I applied the miniatum too thickly – or because I didn’t breathe on it correctly and therefore introduced unnecessary moisture to the surface before applying the leaf. Ack. This is a fuzzy photo to deliberately disguise my shortcomings.

gilded-word-graffiti-miniatum-epic-fail-2016-calligraphy

Finished….

I am happy with this though….

calligraphy-addressed-envelope-to-London-uk

Addressed….

Until next time when I will have another book on a chair.

Less Dramatic….and unfinished…

oak-burr-devon-uk

A damp grey day in Devon…

I have no words. Well, I have a few…. Yes, someone has left the remains of an ancient fertility symbol on my driveway. It is huge. I live in fear that a passing chainsaw artist will drop by and carve it into a giant squirrel perched upon an undersized toadstool…. or worse, someone will feel inclined to whittle it into a spoon…. probably a Londoner…probably a Londoner with a beard…. I have seen evidence that spoon whittling is popular in the south-east. Apparently this is an oak burr; whatever it is, it has been on my driveway for 5 months, and has worked well as a bird table.

I am not going to speak of Charmaine in this post, she has upset me too much… something to do with ‘not taking myself seriously’…. and she has been insistent that I ‘get a proper blog wiv nicer photos done by someone proper’…. you get my drift.

I will deal with her later.

Meanwhile, I do seem to have accumulated a few unfinished projects….

work-in-progress-uk

Work in Progress

And the winners are…..

Ihave a minor confession to declare…. there were actually two pictures tampered with in the previous post *looks sheepish*. I was so entranced by the sea photos that I forgot that I’d played with the contrast on the signpost pic. Silly me. The photograph with enhanced colour was… drum roll… More Waves. So, in the interests of fairness the winners are:-

Grouchy
Lovely Leni
Mr Lax
Princess
Mr Mags

Please could you all contact me via my email address [which can be found on my About page] with your address details, and I will send you some Wonky Words, hopefully before Christmas 🙂

I know, the Carbis Bay 1 picture did look impossibly blue, didn’t it? I blame the camera on my phone for that…. or maybe it was impossibly blue that morning?

Meanwhile, here are some more pictures from Cornwall, taken with my normal point and shoot camera.

For those who want more blue…

st-ives-from-carbis-bay-cornwall-uk

View of St Ives from Carbis Bay

mevagissey-cornwall-uk

Mevagissey

For those who like to look at old petrol pumps from the perspective of a short person….

st-mawes-cornwall-uk

Old Petrol Pumps, St Mawes, Cornwall, UK

And, for those who like looking at old calligraphy for inspiration…

old-cornish-certificate-with-calligraphy-uk

Admiring the calligraphy on an old certificate….

old-certificate-calligraphy-redruth-old-cornwall-society-town-museum

Certificate at the Redruth Old Cornwall Society Museum at Tolgus Mill.

Right, I have been back a week, done my laundry etc, I think it’s time to find out what Harold and Charmaine have been doing in my absence….