A Brand Spanking New Year

Ihave news!!! I have located Charmaine, after months of traipsing through the internet, following up sightings of her peculiar take on the ancient art of calligraphy, I have located her on a cryptic crossword site run by my cousin Windsor (a right Batarde!). She is masquerading as some sort of genius and giving out clues to fiendishly difficult crosswords like jelly babies. She is also appearing in pantomime as Cinderella at the end of Wigan pier.
I have sent her a letter urging her to return home soon as, with the promise of improved living conditions and use of the black and white telly on Sundays. I have also signed her up for some proper modern calligraphy lessons in London, which I hope she will review for us here. I am sure she will find this offer irresistible as she has had her eye on my black and white telly for some time now.

Meanwhile, there is no news of Harold.

And here is some calligraphy related stuff….


Four gilded letters…






My resolution for 2016 is to glue more 23 carat gold on paper in a meaningful way.

Happy New Year!!!!!!! I will be pissed later and will probably making gruesome advances to all and sundry – apologies in advance.

51 thoughts on “A Brand Spanking New Year

  1. dinahmow

    Hooray! Charmaine has turned up. I expect her Cindarella gig came about when Wigan suddenly had enough water to*have* a pier.Dear heaven! She’ll be a right little Miss Famous now.Bet she’ll insist on the big, colour telly!
    But I’m glad you’ve found the little minx because it’s been a bit dull without you. So here’s to things being brighter and better for you with more time to do your own thing.
    Happy, happy, Scarlet. xx

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Happy New Year, Dinah!!!!
      It seems that Charmaine is far more popular than I!! I am a little hurt by this…. but being made a Dame, an’all, has asurged my pain, bitterness, general angst, just a smidgen.
      Are you in the new year already? Is it good?
      Yes…. a big colour telly FOR ME, sounds like a plan 🙂

  2. metamorfosiuno

    Congratulations on finding Young Charmaine, but most of all that The Queen, has finally recognised your talent and given you a Damehood!!! If the likes of Joan Collins and Shirley Bassey can get one that why not you?
    One word of advice, if you are intending on upgrading the TV from black and white to colour- then I would get that whippersnapper Charmaine to pay for the licence, that is the least that she can do after causing all that distress!!
    Welcome back Dame Scarlet, I hold aloft my glass of Harvey’s Bristol Cream (located at the back of the larder and outdated by a couple of years)😂😂.

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Hello and Welcome, Ms Meta!
      Indeed, you are correct! I will demand compensation from Charmaine for running rings around me this past few months…. I have had my eye on a handbag…. and shoes…. which I will need for my trip to the palace.
      Have a wonderful evening and a very Happy New Year!!!

  3. Amylouisewrites

    I am new here (found your blog via Instagram) and unfamiliar with Charmaine’s escapades but I just want to say: That’s the best gilding ever done. Most gilding makes me feel like I’ve had too much cheap chocolate. This gilding is a small piece of gourmet chocolate followed by a swig of coffee. Five thumbs up!

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Hello and Welcome, Amy!!
      That’s one of the nicest things anyone’s said about my work! I am determined to do some raised gilding soon…. which is possibly where it’ll all go wrong!!
      Please hang around and you will grow accustomed to the variety of characters that inhabit this blog…. after a while it will seem normal 😊.

  4. IDV

    Happy New Year Dame Scarlet! And what fantastic news to start the year off with.
    I love the gold ‘t’s and ‘g’s, and especially as they loop through other letters. However, I’ve noticed that the gilt only loops through ‘d’s. Is it part of a code? (Hopefully one far less confusing than LX’s ROT13 malarkey, as my brain is still hurting from that one.)

  5. Princess

    There aint nuthin like a Dame… nuthin in the World… there is nuthing you can name that is anything like a Dame… except perhaps a Lord in drag…
    Will you soon be guilding lillies?
    I thought the gilded letters were your order for a triple gin with just a touch of tonic Darling
    Happy new year

    Rhumour has it that Charmain has signed to play Widow Twanky in the local borstals production of Aladdin

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Happy New Year, Ms Prinny!!!!
      Ha…. you seem to have found the code!
      Charmaine seems to be in demand wherever she goes…. she turned down a part in Downton to appear in that pantomime.

  6. nick

    Overjoyed to hear at last of your Damehood. About time too, you’ve obviously been Dame material for many years. I was offered a Knighthood for Services to Blogging but I had to turn it down as clearly it would be most unfair to those other humble scribes whose sterling work hasn’t yet been recognised.

    Do post pics of your visit to the Palace. I expect at the very least a shockingly revealing barely-there figure-hugging lacy sheath and challenging six inch heels.

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Happy New Year, Nick!!!
      Yes, exciting times! Dame Scarlet has a certain ring about it. Take the knighthood…. after all it’s a day out and you get to wear a hat.

  7. savannah49

    cheers, darling! congrats on finding that charmaine finally! you really must let me know how i can purchase some of your gorgeous work!! Happy New Year! xoxoxoxo

  8. Mitzi Carte-Blanche

    Have a happy and preposterous New Year Scarlet. Lovely lettering, that’s beans on toast with an egg on top!

  9. eroswings

    You are an artist, and those gold caressed dancing letters on dream clouds are ethereal creations! They look very beautiful & carefree & exuberant! Very awesome!

    Happy New Year to you & yours! You’re not just a dame, you’re the Grandest Divine Dame of all!

  10. eroswings

    You are an artist, and your gold caressed floating letters on dream clouds are such magnificent & exuberant creations! They are absolutely beautiful & ethereal & stunning!

    You’re more than a dame. You’re the Grandest Divine Dame of all!

    Happy New Year to you & yours!

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Apologies, Mr Swings…. my approval system is stupid and didn’t recognise a gentleman when it saw one.
      I will keep both your comments because they are heartfelt and generous.
      Happy New Year, my lovely!

  11. Ponita

    I’ve never known a Dame before! Congrats, Scarlet!! All the best in the New Year to you and I hope you can keep that minx Charmaine on a short leash… she always seem to wriggle free and go galavanting off! Love the gilt letters… very regal! As befits a Dame and all. xoxoxo

  12. 63mago

    You have some really nice gs there !
    It’s the third of January, the year is still fresh and squeaking from all that spanking – it’s not too late to wish you all the best for this New Year !

  13. lisleman

    Must be an old telly. I don’t think you could find a new telly that was black and white.
    The gold on the paper looks regal.
    Hope your gruesome advances advanced things for you.

    1. Scarlet

      My gruesome advances fell on deaf grue, Bill!! Isn’t that always the way? Life was so much simpler in Black and White…. never had to worry about clashing curtains with the sofa cover.
      SX Happy New Year!!!

      1. IDV

        Jelly Baby Mash is quite the delicacy around these parts. Just pop a few Jelly Babies in with your mash (not Smash) for an unusual and decadent side!

  14. fannylove100

    My darling Miss Scarlet, thank you so much for your wonderful Christmas wishes posted on the blog. So sorry for the late response, internet hasn’t been working, the ole fingers haven’t been working either. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year. Loving your blog, especially all the talk of Spanking in the New Year. I love a good firm spanking. Preferably from a strange Latino man dressed in leather! love Fanny xxx

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Hello, Ms Fanny! Ah…. this Latino man – his name doesn’t happen to be Harold, does it?
      Have a wonderful finger flexing New Year!!!

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Helloooo…. !!! It’s flipping Wednesday today isn’t it??? Where does the time go??? I meant to post on Monday. Will try to have something up soon… maybe a banner or some pretty bunting….


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