Not a Post

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Iam not writing a post today because I am blank. There will be no words. No insightful repartee. Nada. I feel like I’ve only had 3hrs sleep in the last 5 weeks and this has left me groggy and grumpy. AND, I have no whisky left.

Here is a picture. It is of a piece of brown paper and features white writing.

what-fresh-hell-is-this

I wrote this with Mistress MJ in mind because I believe it’s one of her favourite quotes. I kind of liked the challenge of adding a shadow effect on such tiny writing.

Anyhow, to complete this post, which isn’t a post, but simply the mumblings of an addled person who is having intrusive thoughts about baby blue royal icing, here is a tune…

I chose this tune because of the slam-door trains in the video. I once got my thumb stuck in the hinge of a slam door. I slammed the door and then wondered why I couldn’t sit down, thankfully a fellow commuter opened the door and released me. Another fellow commuter passed out.

Let’s hope I have something more edifying for next Friday.

Mapped!!!

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After being inundated with requests, from places far and wide, and even from Uranus, I have finally made the definitive map of Mogwash. I have spent the past week studying cartography so that I can bring you a map that rivals the Tabula Rogeriana; a map so map like that it can’t possibly be called anything other than a map. Using the finest materials available to me, and working on it for at least 5 minutes a day [Tuesday AND Wednesday] I am now delighted, nay overjoyed, happy beyond ecstatic, to bring you Mogwash the Map. It is rendered in white ink, with the occasional dash of coloured pencil, on the back of a manila envelope. I know, the craftsmanship is exquisite!

map-on-back-of-envelope-in-cursive-calligraphy

My rationale for rendering it on the back of an envelope is so that you can take it anywhere and it’ll never look out of place. For example it looks cute propped up on the mantelpiece; it looks appropriate casually placed on a chair; and it is ideally suitable for resting in a wicker waste paper basket.

Here is Mogwash on my mantelpiece:-

map-on-the-back-of-envelope-on-mantelpiece

And here is a close-up:-

calligraphy-title-on-map-uk

Anyhow, I am sure that you are bored with my pontificatings and are desperate to re-read about all the places listed on the map so I have thoughtfully provided links so that you don’t have to go scrambling up my annuls trying to find the relevant posts. It’s okay, you can thank me later!!

  1. The bizarre woodland adventure.
  2. Mogs Mill
  3. Mogwash Manor
  4. The Mogwash Arms
  5. No.3, Mogwash Mansions
  6. Scout hut and carpark
  7. The bus shelter
  8. The Grade II listed telephone box
  9. Village Green
  10. Viridian Venus
  11. Rose Cottage
  12. The Onion Gallery
  13. Sebastian’s House
  14. Scarlet’s Attic

Now isn’t it good to know where everything happened? I’m sure you are thrilled.

Meanwhile, I have more news from the mantelpiece [my goodness, it has been an action packed week].

empty-macallan-bottle

I finished my bottle of whisky! I opened it at Christmas, it had been languishing in my drinks cupboard for some time and I was too skint to buy a big bottle of Bells, so I opened the Macallan instead. I put a dash of it in my milk at bedtime, or use it to liven up a glass of coca-cola. It tastes really, really nice! Anyhow, yesterday I thought I might replace it so hunted it down on the internet HERE. Oops.

To Rip, or not to Rip…

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Sigh. Mutter. Squirm. I am in a quandary. For my collages I have been thoughtfully curating illustrations from a vintage book. I bought the aforementioned book at a flea-market in 1991 for £3.00, and for the last eighteen years the book has been kept in a variety of cardboard boxes; occasionally I would flick through it and admire the pictures. There is text in the book and I did mean to read it, honest, but I never did. Anyhow, today I thought about getting another copy and I checked it out online – replacing my trashed book might cost £25+

I feel guilty about trashing the book. I grew up respecting books. BUT, if I hadn’t trashed the book then it would still be sitting in a box, unopened, unread, unappreciated. I would’ve never gotten around to selling it on Amazon or Ebay – I wanted to keep it because I like the pictures so much, and with the collages it is getting a new lease of life, and if I frame and display the collages then I can always look at the pictures…

the-letter-j-collage-using-vintage-book-paper-and-gilding

And the reason I wanted another copy? So that I could trash it, of course. Sigh. Mutter. Squirm. At ease, I can’t afford to do that right now.

To add to this quandary is a further quandary relating to a vintage newspaper – the very first edition of The Sunday Telegraph – which originally belonged to my dad. I was going to take my scissors to the print, but I checked online, and it might be worth £100 – £200. Sigh. Mutter. I am not squirming yet because I haven’t cut it up. It is so gorgeous. Even a full page framed would look good. Damn it. I would love to cut it up and use it. Anyhow, it is now in a box with nobody looking at it. Excuse the colloquialism, but this quandary has done my head in. Of course I would take £200 if offered, but what is my price? How much lower would I go? Or in other words: How much money does someone have to offer me so that I don’t cut it up? Would I give it up for £40? No. But nor would I spend £40 on a vintage book or newspaper to cut up. Do you see my issue? I’ve not really spent any significant money on the items I’ve cut up. Yet.

I am sighing, muttering, stomping my feet, and huffing all over the place. I love making the collages, and when I put them together every component has to be just so. Making copies of the pictures from the book would not have worked for me – I did try, but I could see that the originals looked so much better. There is something special about aged book paper, it’s just so infused with existence [whatever that means].

Perhaps I should remind myself that generally art materials are expensive, and that these vintage bits and pieces are, for the time being, my materials.

So, should I cut up the vintage newspaper? Or try to sell it?

Next Week: More Map News!!! Are we there yet?

Mapping Mogwash!!!

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For the month of July a few of us have challenged ourselves to make a map. Dinah has already started, so I thought it only polite that I join in. Of course I am going to make a map of my fictional village, Mogwash, how could I not? But where to start?

Because Mogwash was created by my own fair hand I decided to take a photograph of my palm. After cropping the picture, and adding a few filters to make the lines darker [yay, that worked well, why did I bother?] I had this image:-

palm-of-my-hand
In the palm of my hand

So I simply printed it off and traced over the lines…. and yay, I have something that could be mistaken for a map!

sketching-a-map
First sketch of Mogwash!!!

Yep, I went a bit wrong in places, my eyesight is wonky, like this blog, but it is the first preliminary sketch and it will change an awful lot through a process of decisions. The next thing I do have to decide is how big I want it to be, and what type of surface to use.

I wonder where the scout hut is where Mago the archaeologist dug up the carpark? Where is the Onion Gallery? WHERE IS THE PUB??? Where does Moonchild Etherington-Smythe live? Where is Mrs Fitzpatrick’s hand built alpine rockery? All should be revealed over the coming weeks! I kind of think I’ve got a lot of reading to do, and a hunch that I’ll still be tinkering with this map cum December…

Friday Stuff

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You see what I did there? Okay, so I am no longer the hostess with the mostess trolley on a Sunday, but instead I will be here on a Friday bringing you….GLORIOUS….stuff! All sorts of stuff, the stuff that you’d rather shove in a kitchen drawer and ignore, but you never know, one day it might come in handy.

There will be this sort of stuff:-

collages-featuring-the-alphabet-and-calligraphy
Lots of stuff!

There will be calligraphy….

Old Stuff

There will be vague witterings taken from my autobiography, of which I seldom speak, and of course there will be music!!!

I heard this the other day, I was watching Just Go With It because I needed something to send me to sleep. It worked a treat, but when I woke up towards the end of the film, this was playing:

And I thought, yay, that’ll be great for Sunday Music, forgetting that I no longer do the Sunday Music thing…
So, anyhow, whatever, expect STUFF from me on a Friday. There may even be a vague reference to a map next week.

This post was brought to you in a rush by Scarlet Blue.

Sunday Music – The Last Version

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I am relinquishing the Sunday Music slot, and handing it back to Mr Mags. I think he has learnt his lesson, and from this point onwards I am sure he will take his duties seriously. Plus, I have noted that people miss having Sunday Music on a Tuesday, it confuses them for it to always be on a Sunday.

And with the word ‘last’ still reverberating in our ears, I bring you this little ditty, which I dedicate to Mr Lax

Goodbye my sweet friend.