And so it came to pass that I considered myself to be something of an archetypal alchemist, a Shaman of the highest order, I was indeed a deity in demand; my alliterative alliterating appreciated from Adelaide to Alabama, Melbourne to Maidenhead, from Hollywood to Hollyoaks. From far and wide people were unravelling the clues from my writings, which would direct them to the heart of Mogwash in search of the elusive ‘Bottle of Greed’. I intended to assist my faithful followers in whichever way I could, to be close at hand when they made the exciting discovery that would change their lives forever. With this in mind I would often head out to the woods, marvellous mutt at heel, thermos and tupperware luncheon box in hand, so that I could sit in the bracken and await enthusiastic treasure hunters.
Sometimes no-one would pass by for several weeks, I would feel myself getting cramp in my right calf whilst losing all hope that the ‘Bottle of Greed’ would ever be discovered. My clues were obviously too obscure, too challenging, too mind-bendingly cryptic or perhaps just a bit too daft for my devoted disciples to decipher. Fortunately, through this fog of despondency, I managed to formulate yet another despotically devious plan. My genius, once again rose, like a phoenix from this ashes of despair…. yes, I had had another idea.
29 April 2007