WHAT????

55 Replies

……and then my eyebrows fell out. Of course they did. Bored with sitting above my eyes and constantly being upstaged by my ears, they took off and went on some sort of jolly jaunt across my cotton pillow case. It is okay. I have had tests. I am fine, other than the stress related alopecia. Thankfully the hair on my head has a firm grip on the situation and is showing no signs of leaving me as a balding shadow of myself. I am grateful. Hats are expensive. It’s a good job I know how to draw a line, or two.

Meanwhile, my blog stats are showing me that I have spambots. I do not want spambots. GO AWAY!!! I have enough to be stressy about. I will occasionally be setting my blog to private to try to shake them off, as Mr Devine did when he had a bad case of bots – it seemed to work for him.

So there you go. That is my news. Obviously I am very grumpy and not to be trifled with, not even chocolate trifled.

Thank you for your interest.

Sxxx

Don’t let those clouds deceive you….

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dry-devon-uk

Don’t let those clouds deceive you….

Cos I’m hot and bothered and bored I thought I would slap up a post and see if I could disrupt Mr Devine’s sideboard with a feature image. I am nice like that.

Meanwhile, my brain has melted and there is nothing but sloshy mush up top AND, another thing, my eyes have gone weird and I can no longer read AND, my right hand has also gone weird, so I can no longer write. Nothing is working! Appalling.

*Update* I have removed the feature picture, thus returning all affected sideboards to normal.

It’s Curtains!!!

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No, seriously, it really is curtains! I had put my calligraphy adventures on hold intending to concentrate on my creative writing, so obviously I made some curtains instead. BUT, because I do not have any sewing skills, nor any money to cover an enormous bay window with something bespoke, I was reduced to ferreting around on Pinterest for ‘no money’ ideas. And so it came to pass that I made rag curtains! Yes, they probably will fall apart… or fall down by the time Autumn arrives [fall], but sew what? This window is south-facing and anything that hangs there is bleached white within weeks… and I cannot afford 2 metre width blinds… anyhow, I quite like them. I think they are rather jaunty. The material? An old cotton sofa throw and some cotton voile that I had left over from another project.

rag-curtains-for-bay-window

Riches to Rags…

rag-boho-gypsy-style-curtains-for-bay-window-and-tension-rods

More rags…

knot-detail-for-gypsy-rag-curtains

Knotty Problem….

I am also the proud owner of a useless carbuncle also known as a conservatory. Also south-facing. It has 14 windows. I wonder what’s going to end up hanging in there?
Meanwhile, it has been HOT. Weird. There are parts of my body that haven’t been exposed to the sun since 1976… no, I’m not going to model the rag bikini wot I made.

On that note, here is a picture of blue sky and some flax.

Taking Steps

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Here is an example of how many steps I usually take when taking my beloved hound for a walk….

every-day-walk

My normal walk…

And here is an example of the steps I will take when avoiding someone who has annoyed me….

going-for-a-walk

Taking steps….

This suggests that I do actually have a streak of determination threading through my veins, but unfortunately to access it I have to be annoyed.

Meanwhile, I have an exciting new series of posts to slap up! I will save the details for later as I do not want to exhaust my readers by giving them an overdose of thrills, but put it this way, it is a series to rival A Book on a Chair!!! I know, crazy talk.

Right, better go out and walk for several miles. Smoke me a fish finger, I’ll be back for supper!

Va Va Voom… And Other Words Beginning With V

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And now for a repost from June 2010….

Vuvuzela – now here’s a word I will practice before saying in public. It is a word to be rolled around the tongue and swiftly blown. And not to be said with your mouth full.
As a child I was prone to verbal mishaps, mostly my mistakes were gently corrected, laughed at or ignored. Denim became deminimum and aluminium became aluminiminimummmn. I tried never to mention Birmingham and would often find myself steering the conversation towards Manchester. Like many children I had a problem with the Grand Prix, and of course with that well known car manufacturing firm…
It was a special occasion, friends and relatives were coming for Sunday tea; Mum had opened a fresh can of spam and had baked a Victoria sponge. She’d also done a salad and some other boring stuff featuring pineapple chunks and half a grapefruit. As we sat around the dining table my Aunt began to tell us about her brand new car, marvelling over its luxurious leather interior and its faux wooden dashboard. I could see it through the window parked on our driveway – new, red, and very shiny. I was most impressed. Loudly and enthusiastically I asked, ‘Dad, when are you going to get a big vulva like Auntie Pam’s?’
Such a shame that my Uncle had just popped a pickled onion into his mouth, but at least his choking provided a welcome distraction….

 

Dear Doris….

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Remember Doris from the previous post… you know, the woman who was chucking things in a skip? Well, there’s a letter on its way to her… and relates to this post: How to Make Money from Art

May 2007

Dear Doris,

I am so sorry to hear that you have been suffering lately. Divorce can be a painful, bitter experience that can leave a person feeling bruised, empty, worthless, rejected, and insecure. May I suggest that you enrol on one of my visionary workshops?
All of my workshops encourage personal enrichment and spiritual enhancement, and are specifically designed to bring harmony where there is discord, faith where there is doubt, and hope when you’re feeling nothing but despair.
For your specific needs I am pleased to recommend: How to Express the Sound of a Vacuum Cleaner through the Medium of Paint – no previous artistic ability necessary! This workshop is person-centred and proactively designed to stimulate the development of personal empowerment. On completion of this workshop 92% of participants report an increase in general wellbeing, confidence, and light-headedness, and all participants are entitled to a 5% discount* on any further workshops offered by the Viridian Venus.
The next presentation of this workshop will be on Saturday 16th June at the Viridian Venus Gallery from 12 noon to 5pm, a deposit of £150 will be required in advance to secure your placement, and a further £150 on the day. Refreshments will be provided, but please bring your own vacuum!!

Look forward to seeing you soon!

Your friend,

Moonchild

*Early Bird Rate – Full payment 30 days in advance to claim discount.

I have been trying to write this letter out in copperplate on Crown Mill textured paper. It is lovely paper, but it does hinder my flow. It’s a slog to be honest, so I might scrap this…

copperplate-letter-writing-uk

….and write it out in modern calligraphy. One of the reasons I started this project was to help me determine which of my hobbies I prefer, would it be creative writing, or calligraphy? I only have so much time and I’d like to dedicate myself to just one major hobby. My feeling is that creative writing wins….SO… I will continue with these letters…. but they might all be in modern calligraphy – far quicker, and less soul-destroying. I have decided that I loathe my copperplate!

I am feeling sad. Sad about lots of things. It’s okay. My parents were whipped into hospital at the weekend. For the past few years they’ve had ongoing medical issues causing them to be regularly admitted to hospital. I feel like a useless daughter. Perhaps I need a life affirming workshop?