Va Va Voom… And Other Words Beginning With V

And now for a repost from June 2010….

Vuvuzela – now here’s a word I will practice before saying in public. It is a word to be rolled around the tongue and swiftly blown. And not to be said with your mouth full.
As a child I was prone to verbal mishaps, mostly my mistakes were gently corrected, laughed at or ignored. Denim became deminimum and aluminium became aluminiminimummmn. I tried never to mention Birmingham and would often find myself steering the conversation towards Manchester. Like many children I had a problem with the Grand Prix, and of course with that well known car manufacturing firm…
It was a special occasion, friends and relatives were coming for Sunday tea; Mum had opened a fresh can of spam and had baked a Victoria sponge. She’d also done a salad and some other boring stuff featuring pineapple chunks and half a grapefruit. As we sat around the dining table my Aunt began to tell us about her brand new car, marvelling over its luxurious leather interior and its faux wooden dashboard. I could see it through the window parked on our driveway – new, red, and very shiny. I was most impressed. Loudly and enthusiastically I asked, ‘Dad, when are you going to get a big vulva like Auntie Pam’s?’
Such a shame that my Uncle had just popped a pickled onion into his mouth, but at least his choking provided a welcome distraction….

 

42 thoughts on “Va Va Voom… And Other Words Beginning With V

  1. Inexplicable DeVice

    I shall have you know that a cheese and pineapple hedgehog is NEVER boring! I hope its nose was depicted with a single glacé cherry, as is right and proper?

    I don’t think I’ve ever had occasion to say the word “vuvuzela” thankfully. I do recall saying “grand pricks” as a child, but only because The Father was a fan. Of the racing, not anything untoward, of course…

    Reply
    1. Scarlet Post author

      Mr Devine – Oh the deep joy of seventies teatime food! I still miss it. Perhaps I should have a little retro party. There will definitely be cheese straws.
      I mispronounce so many words. I can spell and understand, but I show myself up when I speak!
      Sx

      Reply
    2. Inexplicable DeVice

      I loved 70s teatime at my Aunty Winnie’s – she always made a trifle sprinkled with hundreds-and-thousands. And while there certainly was canned or potted meat, I hope to the gods that it wasn’t Spam! But it probably was… Yes, a retro tea-party might be just the ticket to cheer ourselves up and forget the horrors of the world for a bit.

      When I was very young, milk was “mook” and apples were “cattons”!

      Reply
      1. Scarlet Post author

        I had similar trifles! And corn beef, and boiled ham…. and cucumber soaked in vinegar… and celery, which was dipped in salt. I used to love celery. All the cakes were home baked. I can still smell it all! Happy days! Sausage rolls!
        Cattons…. hmmm… I see your point.
        Sx

  2. Eryl Shields

    I don’t think I will ever try to say vuvuzela in public!
    You’ve got me hankering for spam, yet I know I’d take one bit and wretch – or would I…?

    Reply
    1. Scarlet Post author

      Eryl – Some of that tinned meat was lush! I loved it when I was a kid, but have not had it since the seventies. I gave up red meat… I still have a yen for a pork pie though… and Fray Bentos…. all the really ‘bad’ stuff!
      Sx

      Reply
  3. lisleman

    Thanks for the laugh. Great story.
    “a Victoria sponge” – I’m guessing a sponge cake? You must realize the Victoria Secrets stores are found all over the US. I would not be surprised if they had a sponge type product.
    Thinking of secrets – my middle name is Vuvuzela.

    Reply
    1. Scarlet Post author

      Bill – I will have to start calling you Mr V!! And in a couple of years time the reason for this moniker will be lost, and people will say: why does that silly wonky woman keep calling Bill ‘Mr V’? We will remember, Bill, it will be our secret.
      Sx

      Reply
  4. dinahmow

    5am, freezing …and my brain couldn’t think of any V car manufacturers.Until I read the story. And me with a drop or two of Swedish blood!
    I used to say “feldiniums” Or maybe pheldiniums.

    Spam! I shudder when I think how many English folk practically lived on that during the war.My friend’s father was a seaman on corvettes (the escort ships that protected shipping in the Atlantic) and he reckons if he’d known he was saving bloody spam he’d have toprpedoed them,too!

    At this party, will the sarnies be neat little crust-less triangles? I do hope so! And jellies, set in orange skins!

    Reply
    1. Scarlet Post author

      Dinah – Delphiniums!!! No, I can’t say it either…. I say deafinnninimimnimums.
      Now here’s a funny thing – I had an uncle who was a seaman who sailed on escort ships. I know he survived being blown up a couple of times. I will see if I can dig out the information.

      Jellies set in orange skins??? I think you’re getting a bit exotic now!
      Sx

      Reply
      1. dinahmow

        No! They were very real. At my birthday parties, my mother used to set jellies in halved orange skins and when they’d set, cut them to 1/4s and make little handles from vines.

      2. Scarlet Post author

        My mum would have tried something like that had she known about it. She was very good at melt in the mouth shortbread biscuits, coconut pyramids, and rock cakes. She loved making jam. I like shopping at the M&S food hall!!
        Sx

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Jon – Bless Victoria Wood! After my verbal faux pas I wasn’t confident to say ‘Volvo’ again until I was about 21.
      Sx

      Reply
  5. nick

    I also had trouble with certain words as a child. Escape became excape, recipe became resype and other oddities. Fortunately my parents didn’t have a car and certainly not a Vulva.

    I can remember spam all too well. It was my mum’s inevitable standby when there was nothing else suitable in the larder. Usually served with Smash instant mashed potato and over-boiled tasteless greenery. Steamed vegetables were unheard-of in those days.

    Reply
    1. Scarlet Post author

      Nick – Yes, there were always tins of spam in the larder. I used to like spam though, so was always pleased when I saw mum opening a tin. As for vegetables – yep, and yuk, they had all the goodness boiled out of them. And Smash….. the adverts were good – shame about the product!
      Sx

      Reply
    1. Inexplicable DeVice

      [And again] I’ve just noticed that under your comment box, is a legend that reads “This site uses Akismet to reduce spam” – If you like spam so much, perhaps you should rid your site of Akismet…?

      Reply
      1. Scarlet Post author

        A good point, Mr Devine!! I shall have words with Akismet….perhaps a reduction in giant old ladies perched on sideboards would be a better use of their time?
        Sx

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Kylie – That would have been way too confusing for me… I would have at least expected them to be car shaped – my mum would have avoided them to save embarrassment!
      Sx

      Reply
    1. Scarlet Post author

      Monsieur Pain – I have a yen to throw a traditional English tea party…. with spam, and cakes, and sausage rolls…. I just need to buy a hat first.
      Sx

      Reply
  6. Mitzi

    I had difficulty getting my tongue around my R’s when I was a nipper. My mother used to put on a good spread too.

    Reply
      1. Mitzi

        It took a lot of dedication and perseverance and I’m pleased to report that I can now get my tongue around my R’s with relative ease, no more wrailway twain wides for me.

  7. lisleman

    A great feature of comment sections is no one is allowed the last word. Anyone can browse by and drop another comment, ad infinitum. Only if the comment section closes does a last word occur. Also your comment section allowed me to use a Latin phrase. This Latin opportunity seldom occurs in my conversations. I only brought this up to provide myself a Latin phrase opportunity. Note, I probably will use this last word comment on a few other blogs soon.

    Reply
  8. Peter Wells aka Countingducks

    Hahahaha. Love this. We can all get ourselves in delightful pickles. I remember having a FB group chat with a husband and wife about publishing stuff when the phone rang. I typed in “Hang on a sec” before picking up my phone. When my eyes returned to the screen I read “Hang on a sex” which might have got me into difficulties !!!

    Reply

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