Lucky You…..

….or not so lucky.

I did used to enjoy writing those old advert posts, but over the past few years I have been consumed by calligraphy, and, to be fair, I haven’t seen many adverts that I’ve felt inspired by. Is it my jaded old brain or the new swathe of boring adverts that are to blame? Bit of both I reckon. Also I have a tendency to be scrolling through my iPad whilst the adverts are on so maybe I should pay more attention?

Anyhow, here is an old advert post from 2011.

Due to the sluggish financial market the Halifax staff have little to do. They are under strict instruction to only authorise two mortgages this year and can only lend to people who don’t need loans. The financial advisers have all been made redundant and now the entire business is propped up by the canteen staff who have diversified by setting up a radio station in the basement of an NCP car park in Buttocks Booth just off Lumbertubs Lane. They broadcast daily, via telegraphic transfer, to five mountain goats on a farm in Southwold, Suffolk.
Scottish widow Sandy and Co-operative Carol provide the morning entertainment with a breakfast show. They are a tight team; they have a mutual interest in investing extra digits in their hedge funds and have bonded over unit banking. Alas, they are so enamoured by one another that they have failed to notice the potential threat of a hostile takeover bid from tea boy, Derek. He has coveted their breakfast slots from afar and, in an effort to remove the women from the helm he has sabotaged Sandy’s liquid assets. He completes the arm’s length transaction by passing Sandy her mug. The mug handle breaks causing hot tea to spill across the mixing desk. Carol and Sandy are unfazed by life’s little dramas. They have each other and therefore the accelerated depreciation is negligible. They smile sweetly and, still laughing, still singing from the same spreadsheet, they tell Derek that life is better with a beaver.

And to finish on a topical note a little gilded insult from Lulu’s suggestion on a previous post,

gilded-insult-gold-leaf-calligraphy-uk

Trump?

NEXT TIME: Under the weight of all the books, the chair breaks, leading Ms Scarlet to enrol on a chair restoration course where she meets a man in a bobble hat who offers her a hobnob and a cup of tea from his tartan themed thermos flask….

47 thoughts on “Lucky You…..

    • I will have to trawl through YouTube to see if I can find an advert worthy of a make over, Monsieur Pain – and that’s a task in itself.
      Donald Trump would be a better man if he wore a bobble hat and carried a tartan themed thermos flask.
      Sx

  1. The time I spent in Ireland and the UK many years ago has left me with a taste for a hobnob. Coffee is my favorite hot drink but on a cold day with the sniffles tea can work wonders.
    Spoon weasel – is this related to spooning? nicking spoons? I will not vote for a weasel to be our leader. However, I’m confused about the spoon reference. Is there some British slang involved in this?
    Oh I did enjoy your script for the bank ad.

    • D’ya know, Bill, I’m not really sure about the spoon…… I have a feeling it’s something rude…. the urban dictionary hints at something very rude!
      Sx

      • I was wondering about the photography. You must be getting quite skilled at positioning and lighting and so forth, to get a good amount of glint off your gilt?

      • My photography is still point and click, Mr Devine…. I am not good at the science of light, etc. I have looked at YouTubes but I am still ‘of the moment’ so to speak. Apparently I should be using props such as pebbles or flowers to make my pictures ‘pop’ and be suggestive of a lifestyle…. but I am too lazy…. and too skint!
        Sx

  2. Oh, dear… I clicked on the “a beaver” link and didn’t get it. “Silly, Ms Scarlet” I thought. “She’s gone and linked to the wrong video!” A minute or so later, my brain finally engaged and the penny dropped!
    I miss these old advert posts. Your adverts are the only ones I take note of. I can’t remember the last time I actually saw a whole advert? I tend not to watch live TV (unless it’s Strictly or Bake Off, but they’re on the Beeb so they don’t count anyway) so always fast-forward through the ads.

    • Whenever I hear those old Aviva adverts I hear ‘Beaver’, I can understand that other people may not have the same hearing as me! My mis-hears are now getting as interesting as my mis-reads, so much so that I don’t think I’ll bother with a hearing aid any time soon.
      Sx

  3. I don’t watch much television these days, so I wouldn’t know where to begin to suggest new adverts for your expert treatment.

    And yes, I remember this advert well.

    Fancy a cuppa?

    • I always fancy a cuppa, Ms Roses!!! It is the way to my heart, sadly I am only allowed three cups a day now, so I make the most of them. Sigh.
      I saw a perfume advert the other day and I had a glorious mis-hear….. if only I could remember which one it was!
      Sx

  4. Why are the two DJs wearing name tags? It’s not like the audience can see them over the radio…or are the goats telepathic with the power of remote viewing!?!

    The silver lettering is spectacular & sensational. Very captivating & so shiny!

    • I knew this would happen. My eyes are going all squinty as I type, Mitzi, and my left eyebrow is developing a nervous tic. I dread to think what would be in the box. I fear it isn’t chocolate.
      Sx

  5. Lovely re hashing Miss Scarlet… you do make me giggle even if the ads you explain are foreign to me… Again… your “Lilly Gilding” is beautiful…

    • Thank you, Ms Princess!!
      I have an old relationship to the gilding…. after about the third coat of size I grow weary of the process and then leave them to harden off for about a month before my nagging inner voice tells me to finish them off… and then when they’re finished I really don’t know what to do with them!
      Sx

      • I haven’t been altogether present there either. Life, shit, fans and all that. Have you left for good?!

      • No, I still have my very short private feed, so I just dip in every now and then. I got hacked off with Instagram cookies following me and then presenting me with adverts from places I’d just visited – just felt odd about it. I have the same feelings about Facebook.
        Sx

  6. Good to know Sandy and Carol are still going strong. I’m sure they’re more than a match for ambitious Derek. Their daily spreadsheet analysis and powerpoint dissection leaves me breathless with admiration. How they manage to stay on top of all those rogue cell contents and renegade slide templates I can’t begin to imagine.

    Toss us a hobnob. Go on, you know you want to.

  7. Since 2011, they have all become entrepreneurs of sorts. Derek has a Lama farm in Dorset; Carol has a vineyard in Essex; and Sandy sells hand carved pots and pans from her mum’s fish ‘n’ chip shop in Brighton. None of them are on speaking terms since Derek’s epic betrayal on Facebook.
    You are always welcome to a Hobnob, Nick!!
    Sx

    • So that I can get to sleep at night. I used to have about five or six cups, and recently noticed I was jittery and anxious in the evenings. The caffeine cut seems to have cut the jitters.
      It seems that women get to a certain age…. and they have to give up everything ☹️
      Sx

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