Tag Archives: aidan turner

Part 7 of the Epic Collaboration – A Revelation of Sorts

Continued from HERE

“With this epic collaboration you are spoiling us,” whispered Aidan Turner into my ear.
We had left the throng of the Mogwash Manor ballroom and had retired to the balcony for some privacy as I was feeling a little peculiar after eating far too many Ferrero Rocher chocolates. I squinted at Aidan, and then in a fit of bravado I whipped away the flannel that was covering a suspiciously saggy pair of greying Y fronts.
“You’re not Aidan Turner!” I screamed, “You are Mago, the German archeologist from a post I wrote on April 15th 2015 that obviously EVERYONE remembers!”
Mago’s shoulders slumped in shame, and he slid the black nylon wig from his head.
“‘ee made me do it,” said Mago, “‘ee made me pretend.”
“Who?”
“That Device person, ‘ee is witch.”
“I thought you were German, not Spanish? Never mind, we will work on that later…. but why, Why??? Why would he do that????? WHY?????” I said, becoming somewhat hysterical.
“‘ee is after the Bottle of Greed! ‘Ee think Aidan could seduce you into revealing its location; ‘ee say ‘ee would share profits with me.”
I smiled my special enigmatic smile, kept for such occasions.
“This is all getting very silly,” I muttered.
“Bit like British Government,” chuckled Mago.
I glared at him and continued, “do you have my left wellington boot?”
“Mais oui, it is ‘ere,” replied Mago, relieving a passing butler of one muddy boot and handing it to me.
“Thank you, that’s the Cinderella thread of this epic tale sewn up then.”
“What ‘appens next?”
“Well that depends on you, do you want to stay in a narrative where you are forced to fly around half naked on an ancient octopus sucker bathmat? Or, would you like to be in a narrative where you wear warm clothes and have the status of historian/professor/archeologist?”
I felt my stomach grumble and regretted my overindulgence with the Ferrero Rocher – I had terrible indigestion. My chest tightened and my Bettina gown felt as though it was shrinking, whilst Mago appeared to be getting larger and larger.

“Damn that witch!” I squeaked.

“Vair did she go? She ‘as vanished! I want nice narrative, with the clothes! I want to dig up carparks! Wo ist she????” Despaired Mago, almost getting the gist of a German accent.

It appeared that I had neglected to tie up the Alice in Wonderland thread in a timely fashion, and this neglect would cost me dear….

strange-bottles-uk
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To be continued over the Cusp….
Although there may be an interlude around the Garden Event and Halloween.

Notes to Self…. [A pertinent list featuring Aidan Turner]

1) Write a blog post before the end of June.

2) Reply to comments of previous blog post.

3) Think about strong language. Strong language is defined as swearing – surely it isn’t strong at all? It is lazy, easy, weak? Surely it is stronger to find more meaningful words rather than to rely on a predictable fuck? I mean, who wants a predictable fuck?

4) Do some calligraphy. Do I really want to do more calligraphy? If I make a point of giving it up then maybe I’ll be desperate to do it?

5) Take another photo of a pile of read books on a chair.

6) Try to decimate Mr Devine’s sideboard with a giant picture of Aidan Turner. I don’t think my method works anymore, but at least I can have a picture of Aidan Turner on my blog.

7) Why hasn’t Aidan Turner been considered as the next James Bond/Dr Who/presenter of The One Show – write to the relevant organisations and suggest his inclusion on their shortlists.

8) Cut toe nails.

9) Think about 1938.

10) Publish this list as a blog post – but isn’t that cheating a little?