Charmaine escapes, and an accident waiting to happen…

'Nobody is interested in broad edge calligraphy, Aunt Scarlet’, said Charmaine with a whine in her voice.
She had somehow escaped from the attic and was slumped in the doorway of my light and airy studio.

‘What do you mean, you silly girl, why do you come out with such piffle?’ I said as I balanced precariously on a sixteen foot ladder trying to dust my chandelier.
I glanced down at her. The girl had gone an unattractive shade of puce, and I made a mental note to take her out in the afternoon for some fresh air and a brisk trot around the paddock.

‘I’ve been looking at your blog stats, only 0.256 people read your recent post about the dimple nib reservoir on the Mitchell nib. Nobody cares, Aunt Scarlet, your arse is way more popular than stupid broad edge stuff.’

I smiled to myself, my rear end had always been popular with my readers, but I knew where Charmaine was going with this conversation, it was obvious to me that she was desperate to get her mitts on my pointed nibs. I intended to stand firm and resolute, I wanted her to have a good grounding with broad edged calligraphy before she progressed further, after all she was my protégé; I had hopes of her becoming the calligrapher I never could be; there was nothing she could say to temper my resolve.

‘It’s no good, Aunt Scarlet, if you want this blog of yours to be popular then you’re gonna have to get your tits out next week.’

I felt the ladder sway and wobble as I let her words sink in. The girl probably had a point, but it was not the one I had been thinking of.


Chin Up, Tits Out!!

31 thoughts on “Charmaine escapes, and an accident waiting to happen…

  1. Oh dear! For some of us gravity and passing time no longer allow outward positioning.(Well, in some cases heavy engineering might help.I know some clever fellows at Liebherr…) And perhaps Charmaine has a point.But if you think she’s not ready to handle copperplate, maybe you could give her an inkstone and a brush.After her paddock exercise. Of course.

  2. Indeed, Dinah, gravity is a cruel and unforgiving. Charmaine will discover this one day. Meanwhile…. ha, ha, ha…. inkstick…. perhaps I will allow her to practice copperplate if she grinds her own ink 🙂 She can do this after she’s finished her gruel.

  3. Charmaine’s rather more uppity than usual, isn’t she. The cheek of her (your cheeks are quite welcome, though)! It would be a shame if that accident happened to be that something fell on her from a height of, oh, I don’t know, sixteen feet?
    You need to get her under your thumb. And possibly the rest of you if that ladder doesn’t hold out.

    • Seeing as Charmaine broke my fall, and probably saved me from breaking my neck, I may have to relent and allow her to pursue her dream of learning the modern calligraphy styles before she has a firm grasp of the fundamentals.
      Plus, since I have been indisposed, I have discovered that Charmaine is a much better cook than I, for example, we had fish fingers and crisps for tea last night!
      Every cloud has a silver lining, Mr Devine.

  4. Given my own handiwork looks like a drunken spider on LSD fell into an inkpot, calligraphy is an unknown entity for me. But great tits, yeah, those I know about.

    I’ve got a lovely pair that I like to watch in the evening. They spend ages going after the nuts. ; )

  5. dusting your own chandelier? The Downton Abby staff all gone redundant?
    I’ll skip my comment on the body parts. You’ll get better comments about that from the ones following their search results.

  6. Again you make me want to sing and dance. This time “Tits and Ass” from Chorus Line. I think I will go practice some high kicks instead of going to Senior Zumba! I’m still getting acquainted with your niece. I hope she won’t rock the ladder while you wipe the Bobeches!

    • I’ll have you know, young Grouchy, that my Bobeches are admired the length and breadth of Devon! Please see the previous post for confirmation.
      I love Chorus Line, I could watch it over and over, and often do.

  7. chuckling here over the “tits out” piece because i just came from having a test that required the poor young tech girl to say, as i lay flat on my back, “i’m just going to slip this under your left breast, so i can see your heart…” age and gravity have done their part. 😉 xoxoxox

  8. I think this is the moment to reveal to your loyal readers that Charmaine is actually referring to the pair of much loved Blue tits you and she have been nurturing since their poor mother was killed in an unfortunate nesting accident. These harmless, simple and innocent birds would be shocked to know that they have been confused with a moment of wild carnal exhibitionism which would be shared with nothing other than a discrete cereal packet during one of your guilty midnight snacks.

  9. Mr Auty!! Lovely to see you here!
    Anyhow, I have run the métier thing passed Charmaine, and she says she is confused because she only does imperial.

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