An Extract from a newspaper article – November 2045

…smashed the bottle open only to find a message that read:

To whom it may concern….

Please Mind The Gap.

St. Johnson was adamant that this message proved beyond doubt that the Bottle of Greed was merely a result of Blue’s imagination, and her affection for pseudo-intellectual flimflam. When confronted with St. Johnson’s accusations regarding her subterfuge, Blue was reported to have smiled wryly and hinted at the possibility of there being numerous Truths.

With the benefit of hindsight it is easy for us to mock the doubting St. Johnson, he was, after all, a catalyst character for many of Blue’s improbable plot twists, which saw him drunk and slumped in a bus shelter; performing robust Abba impersonations in the Mogwash Arms, or being arrested for assault. It is easy to understand why St. Johnson has spent so many years trying to discredit Blue, and why he was inspired to write the best selling pantomime script Please Can You Make it Wear Big Pants. And a Knitting Pattern Would Be Nice. Considering the animosity between the pair it came as something of a welcome surprise to see them reunited for the first time in more than 20 years at last night’s opening show.

Peripheral characters at the event included Taramind Dewhurst, Moonchild Etherington-Smythe and Mrs Fitzpatrick, who elbowed each other for paragraph space, and were as eager as the rest of the gathered crowd to hear….

20 thoughts on “An Extract from a newspaper article – November 2045

  1. lx

    Will there be a touring road show production of Please Can You Make it Wear Big Pants. And a Knitting Pattern Would Be Nice? If so, will there be complimentary tickets for the long-time fans?

    PS: “Mind The Gap” is my most cherished Internet memory!

    Reply
      1. xl

        PPS: I am concerned that whole deportation thing by the Mogwashian authorities may have taken a toll on our missing Herr Mago. [worries]

  2. Scarlet Post author

    Yes, I am also concerned. I am a bit dozy, and not as sharp as I used to be, and have only just noticed that he is missing in action.
    Sx

    Reply
  3. Leni Qinan

    Mamma mia!

    No wonder that couple gets on so badly (performing Abba in their flashy wardrobe may lead to a number of disagreements and arguments …) 😉

    XXX

    Reply
    1. Scarlet Post author

      Here I go again… 🙂
      All that lycra and spandex, chaffing unspeakable body regions, it’s enough to make any couple grumpy!
      Sx

      Reply
  4. Princess

    Fancy writing an entire pantomime solely based on a missing comment! Surely Miss Blue holds the intellectual copyright! I’m with Leni *waves to Leni* on the Abba episode… their whole act was one sad and very long-running wardrobe malfunction…

    Reply
    1. Scarlet Post author

      I did wonder where that missing comment was, and now I know, Princess!!
      Pleased to see it was put to good use.
      Meanwhile, I’m beginning to think that this whole blog is a metaphor for malfunction. Apologies, Mr Mags has put me onto Adorno and I have gone all philosophical, therefore I am reaching beyond my remit.
      Sx

      Reply
    2. Leni Qinan

      *Looks up at Princess* I’ve read somewhere that Abba admitted having worn these outrageous outfits to avoid tax payment (Swedish laws allowed the cost of outfits to be deducted against tax). Sharp guys, eh?

      XXX

      Reply
  5. IDV

    “and were as eager as the rest of the gathered crowd to hear…. “ Ooh, you do know how to keep us on the edges of our seats. And the finish on mine in sub-par at best. Would you excuse me while I get up to remove a rather large splinter?

    Reply
  6. Peter Wells aka Countingducks

    I thought that “Please mind the Gap” was a line first used by British Rail and so I started to wonder whether that mighty body had laid a track somewhere near the Mogwash Arms. Is it possible that this clue indicates that the bottle of greed was imported from a distant and corrupting county where chocolate is eaten at all hours and single bottle of anything is never enough.

    Reply
    1. Scarlet Post author

      Indeed, Mr Ducks, according to my extensive records [Google], it was first used on the London Underground in 1969… and yes, you are spot on with everything you say about East Sussex.
      Sx

      Reply

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