All this talk about Scottish Widows has reminded me of this old advert post, published on my original blog in 2011, and then given another airing on this blog in 2016. 2016 was a long time ago wasn’t it? I can air it again.
Due to the sluggish financial market, staff at the Halifax have little to do. They are under strict instruction to only authorise two mortgages per year, and can only lend to people who don’t need loans. The financial advisers have all been made redundant, leaving the entire operation propped up by overenthusiastic members of the catering team. To improve morale staff have been authorised to set up a radio station in the basement of an NCP car park in Brewer’s Lane, London. They broadcast daily, via telegraphic transfer, to five mountain goats, three pigeons, and a lama in Suffolk.
Scottish widow Sandy and Co-operative Carol provide an entertaining breakfast show. They are a tight knit team. Originally they bonded over unit banking, which naturally progressed to a mutual interest investing their extra digits in hedge funds. Alas, they are so enamoured by one another that they have failed to notice the potential threat of a hostile takeover bid from tea boy, Derek. He has coveted their breakfast slots from afar and, in a spiteful effort to remove the women from the helm, he has sabotaged Sandy’s liquid assets. He completes this arm’s length transaction by passing Sandy her mug, the compromised handle breaks causing hot tea to spill across the mixing desk. Unfortunately for Derek it appears that Carol and Sandy are unfazed by life’s little dramas, after all they have each other, meaning that any accelerated depreciation is negligible. They smile sweetly and, still laughing, still singing from the same spreadsheet, they tell Derek that life is better with a beaver.
I have edited the hell out of this old post – if I ever publish it again it’ll probably be reduced 3 sentences and a photo of a cat.
Wonky Words 
Oh that one! Yes I do remember. )I also remember the disaster of Darren’s ( was it Darren?) towering Golden Balls
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Dinah – Yes, it was Darren – he gets to swing his balls every other Christmas thanks to the popularity of Ferrero Rocher and the friendly ambassador!
Sx
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I think the entire internet is going to be 3 sentences and a picture of a cat soon.
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Mr Peenee – You made me laugh out loud!! I think the rules of this blog state that you deserve a prize if that happens. I shall have a look round and see if I have anything suitable.
Sx
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Well done, sweetpea! A post every day and polished up quite well, I must add! I’ve let the MITM post on mine since I’ve gone brain dead it seems. xoxo
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Savvy – I still have to get to Friday to complete this blogging challenge. I have drafts! That’s key – as soon as I have a smidgeon of an idea I make a note of it in my drafts file. I’ve surprised myself, and possibly everyone else!
Sx
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About a year ago, perhaps two I found myself wandering the streets of Goole with my maid of all work Carmen when I was stopped suddenly in my tracks at something peculiar, which is quite often the case in Goole, why was there boxes of fruit and veg piled up outside of Ramsdens pawnbrokers, my next gaze fell on a camera crew with all sorts of filming paraphernalia, they were filming the Halifax bank, we stopped and watched for a while hoping to get head hunted. <a href=”Halifax | It’s a People Thing ‘Bench’ (youtube.com)“>Here</a> it is. The shop next door to the Halifax was empty and boarded up, that’s why we don’t get to see it in the advert, I was amazed when I saw the end result, where are the people tattooed from ear to arsehole, the obese people in mobility scooters, the wolf fleece and crocs brigade where are they? If they wanted somewhere nice to film why didn’t they do it in Selby about 10 miles away.
It’s all lies I tell thee, lies!
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Mitzi – I know Halifax Howard was a real staffer, but Carol and Sandy most definitely aren’t – where are the slightly grubby uniforms, and the sweaty stressed skin? And nobody in a bank is that happy!
You are correct, of course, as always, it’s a big fat fib to get into our wallets.
I went past a curiosity shop today and tried to take a picture for you, but the sun was in the wrong place and there was too much reflection.
Sx
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2016 was a long time ago. This post could have had another airing in 2021, and then been due for another in 2026!
I like it when you air out the old adverts as it saves me trawling through your backfiles trying to find them. Thank you!
P.S. I can’t wait for Christmas – maybe that “Here come the girls” Boots ad post will have a re-airing? Or is that scheduled for the Christmas after?
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Mr Devine – Maybe I will air both of them – seeing as it’ll be Christmas! Maybe I’ll write a new one for the John Lewis ad!
Are you saying that I published this post in 2021 as well!!!? Oh my goodness!! I couldn’t have tagged it properly!! Soz.
Sx
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No, no, as far as I’m aware there was no 2021 airing. I just meant that as there was five years between the original and the first republishing, then the second one could have been another five years on in 2021, rather than now. I’m sure your tags are immaculate!
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Mr Devine – I can’t do maths! I used to be in charge of loss advices. I used to just pull figures from the air and combine them with inspired guesstimates!
I think I might be better at tags.
Sx
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Well… I shan’t be dealing with Halifax again now I know it’s staffed by overly jolly lesbianese dropping their liquid assets.
“Who, dear? Me, dear? No, dear! How very dare you! Me and my mother have come in this shop for 25 years and I have never been so insulted! Just because a man wears a little foundation, takes time on his appearance, you automatically accuse him of hiding the sausage?! Well, I find you impertinent.”
Jx
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Jon – Catherine Tate brings us Derek Faye! Bless’im.
I was a bit down on financial institutions last week. I bet you are wishing you were still on holiday?! All I can hear right now is rain.
Sx
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