Back!!!!

The deed is done and I am home!! AND, I have dragged myself from the fainting chaise to bring you an exciting new post!!
Oh my goodness, that was a scary weekend!! What did I learn from my experience ‘teaching’ [crikey those guys knew more than me, who am I kidding?] via Zoom? I learnt quite a bit about what not to do with lighting – and that the silence of a crowd is the most baffling thing on earth. Anyhow, I did a bit of this….

copperplay-calligraphy

….and once I got over my nerves I think it went okay – I have had some very kind feedback on Instagram. As previously mentioned – calligraphers are notoriously nice. Would I do it again? Ha! Probably not. Why not, I hear you scream – because a) I’m actually not supposed to talk at length because of my jaw issues – hell, I am still struggling with chewing, talking is simply adding insult to the injury, and b) My flipping awful South East London accent.

I watched and listened to some of the recording made of me demonstrating calligraphy. To put it simply, there is a vast disparity between the voice I use in my head and the voice that comes out of my mouth. In my head all the vowels and consonants are present, I speak clearly, I could almost be a BBC presenter. In reality – the vowels are rounded, some are complete circles, and, well, there are a lot of consonants missing in action. Unbearable. With this in mind, I am flirting with the idea of becoming entirely text based and giving up speech forever. I will still speak to the dog though, because he can’t read. I will save my jaw for eating food.

On the plus side, I can do a pretty mean Kate Nash impersonation.

55 thoughts on “Back!!!!

  1. Jon

    So, more “Bianca Jackson” than “Joanna Lumley”, then? Jx

    PS Of course dogs can read. That’s why the Daily Star still sells thousands of copies. Cats can read too, but they tend to stick to Thomas Hardy and Proust.

    Liked by 1 person

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  2. Scarlet Post author

    Jon – I can believe that about dogs and cats!
    Oh to be able to speak like Joanna Lumley!! And she had a part in Corrie. I think I’m a lot less harsh then Bianca – I actually reminded myself of my Nan without her teeth in [jaw issues].
    Sx

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. batarde

    This post requires video! Ladies and gentlemen, my attempts to cajole Ms Blue have thus far come to nought: I have badgered, and she has dodged cleverly. Were the entire Wonky Words commentariat to ask very nicely, perhaps she’d oblige with a snippet of action footage, complete with voiceover. Actually, I’m pretty sure that she wouldn’t, but it’s still worth a try, innit?

    Liked by 1 person

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      1. batarde

        No doubt you’re right, Mr DeVice. Plucky observation to make: I toyed with the idea of mentioning Luton Airport, but decided that d is the better part of v, and bottled it.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. Scarlet Post author

        Ack, Mr Batarde! I am no longer in denial regarding my dubious vowels, and I’m looking for positive solutions – other than electrocution…. I mean elocution lessons.
        Sx

        Liked by 3 people

      3. 63mago

        BRUHAHAAA … *cough* sorry … never used Heineken a lot, it’s headache in a can – the clip is great !
        Now I understand why LX sometimes looked a bit baffled when he visited and I “spoke” “English” …

        Liked by 2 people

      4. 63mago

        I am very sorry, MsScarlet, I am absolutely unfamiliar with the world of English accents. I learned something called “English” at school (Herr Koenig tried to teach us a kind of accent-free, well pronounced, kinda desinfected English you could use in any civilised society, of course as a German, non-speaker etc.), and I learned a different kind of English from American GIs, who generously also taught me pool (I had mastered smoking & drinking by mself earlier).
        So, when I open my mouth, out comes “something”, I am not sure where it could be sorted in. But – and this something I am proud of – it is not “Franconian” English, dat’s a nighdmare.

        Liked by 2 people

      5. Scarlet Post author

        Mr Mags – It sounds like a wonderful concoction! And now I want something more than a mere snippet. I now NEED to hear a Shakespearean monologue. In exchange, I will speak French with my London accent. It is appalling, and a teacher once made me stand at the front of the class and read out loud a complete passage in French as an example of how badly the English speak French. I was a schoolgirl and didn’t want to offend by adopting a fake accent, and I still speak French (very rarely/badly) with a London accent.
        Sx

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      6. 63mago

        Shake’s Beer ? Oh my …
        I think somewhere is an old microphone. Also an “mic in” port. I’m not sure about recording software – I never toyed with such stuff seriously here, and it is a linux os, but it should be possible. I have no idea about the quality that can be expected (re noise / rush etc.) – but generally a recording should be not entirely impossible. Why not try ? I have no time tomorrow (Frayday), but right now I have nothing else “to do” over the weekend.
        I once used microsoft “stuff” to record me reading some poems by blogger AUSTERE, but the results were not usable, this just as a caveat.
        Sadly I have no idea about Shakesperean monologues …

        Liked by 3 people

      7. Scarlet Post author

        Anything then, Mr Mags, I would love to hear your voice! I don’t have much to do at the weekend either, maybe I will make a video/voice over of some description, too.
        Sx

        Liked by 1 person

    1. dinahmow

      Scarlet’s accent is nothing like as bad as she thinks. And, Mr Mago, Shakespeare was from the County of Warwick so you might come close if you could do a Black Country accent.”Loik the Peaky fookin bloinders”

      Liked by 2 people

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  4. 63mago

    I wholeheartedly support Mr BATARDE : This post requires video! AND a voiceover by zhe one and only MsScarlet herself and in person ! Don’t let your jaw block the path to glory MsScarlet !

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. llcooljoe

    Oh I thought you were a bit of a Joanna Lumley sound alike actually. I’ve been hearing my voice recently because both my daughters insist on recording every single second of every day on their bloody phones, and hearing my voice makes me cringe. I’m half posh and half South East London. Half deep and half high. Added joys of being trans. It’s horrid.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Oh Joey, how I wish I was a Joanna sound alike! I had you down as a smooth talking, confident DJ. Does anybody like their own voice? Other than Joanna Lumley, of course. I don’t even bother recording an answer phone message anymore – I always sound like a grumpy mare.
      Sx

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  6. Mitzi

    What I would give to sound like Glenda Jackson in The House of Bernarda Alba, instead of sounding like a common Yorkshire fishwife who’s never heard of conjunctions and determiners.

    Do you have a posh telephone voice?

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. Scarlet Post author

    Mitzi – I am not sure who I’d like to sound like. I think I’m stuck how I am. When I’m on the phone I do try to enunciate properly – and I say ‘obviously’ a lot to try to sound a bit more middle class 🙂 I probably sound like Miss Brahms when she’s trying to be posh.
    I haven’t heard of conjunctions and determiners either. I was taught a bit of grammar one Friday afternoon when at Primary School, and that was it; they didn’t bother with grammar at my Secondary School – it was all composition and imagination from then on.
    Sx

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  8. lisleman

    Oh all this talk via text of the sound of one’s voice. Yes I agree my text “sounds” better than my voice. Growing up in an age when personal recordings were uncommon, I really didn’t know my voice was monotone with too high of pitch until I watch a recording of a talk I gave. I have recorded a couple of youtube videos with my voice in them. I include this one to demonstrate that if you have another sound to distract the listener from your voice it goes over better. Have a listen – https://youtu.be/3w0J_mPRj6w

    Liked by 1 person

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  9. melaniereynolds

    First, I think you’ve got the makings of a story there with “svelte teapot unicorn”, it’s a shame David Bowie is dead and can’t bring such a character to life for us.

    Second, it’s would be interesting to hear the voices of others from here for the first time. I would love to hear your voice, Magos (of course), and IDV amongst the other characters that I’m getting to know better. My voice? I’ve been assured on many occasions that I could be a phone sex operator at any age. I have a unique lilt and everyone wants to know what country I’m from, especially the people from my birth country. I have henceforth found myself the adopted bastard child of all of the continents of Europe and Australia. I even briefly dated a Brit once and yet I was still the more foreign one of us two!

    I’m glad you survived! Can I fluff a pillow for you? You know here in the US, we love British accents and most Americans can’t tell the difference between high and low class. It’s all just British to us. There’s a British grandmother who looks after her Grandson her on my street. She must be high class because the amount of shade she throws into the most common of pleasantries could rival that of Maggie Smith’s character on Downton Abby! I find it amusing, but I do worry about her poor American Daughter-in-law sometimes.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      I was told that, Melanie, that Americans just hear a British accent and nothing else. Quite a relief really!
      Well, I think we must hear your voice then! Are you Joanna Lumley?
      Yes, when I am practicing calligraphy words abstract stories emerge!
      Sx

      Liked by 1 person

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  10. 63mago

    What is all that talk about Joanna Lumley about ? Must go & hear her at yt.
    Frankly I have no idea how my voice sounds. I doubt that it is very “masculine”, less “Italian stallion”, surely more of the squeaky little critter variety …

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Mr Mags – Have I really left all these comments dangling here? Apologies. Anyhow, still waiting to hear a recording of your dulcet tones.
      Sx

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  11. Eryl Gasper Dick

    The south London accent is the accent of choice for all the cool folk these days. Kate Moss is from Croydon; Grayson Perry, who never seems to be off the telly at the moment, is from Essex, no one wants to speak like Joanna Lumley anymore, XXX

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      I feel like such a scruffy talker, Eryl, I will try to accept and embrace my accent…BUT… I’m sure some people physically recoil in horror when they hear it.
      Sx

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  12. Nick Rogers

    Sorry to hear you still have jaw problems. I hope they clear up soon.

    As Eryl says, the South London accent (and the Essex accent) is still the cool thing to have. Which is fine if the accent is natural, but when middle-class toffs deliberately fake it, it’s embarrassing.

    Liked by 1 person

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  13. Kylie Tai

    I’m glad your calligraphy workshop (or whatever it was called) went well, good feedback means people liked it enough to comment, which means making a tiny effort, so you must have wow-ed them!
    In case anyone wants to know, my voice shocks me every time. My accent ranges from okay-ish slightly educated Australian to (much more often) a very western Sydney, poorly enunciated yobbo. It makes my mother curl her toes in horror

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Nick Rogers

      Kylie: When we met in Sydney, I never noticed anything unusual about your accent. But then again, I’m not an Aussie and not a connoisseur or Aussie accents.

      Liked by 1 person

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    2. Scarlet Post author

      Kylie – I love an Australian twang! I probably wouldn’t recognise a bad Australian accent, so all is good. Do you drop consonants completely?
      Sx

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Lulu – I wish I sounded lovely! I am astonished that I did it and didn’t run away! But then again there was nowhere to run to! I think the jaw has had it. Have written a little about it in my current post.
      Sx

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