….bollocks!!! Goodness me!! Yes, the weather could be better, but the trampolines have now been rounded up and are resting and rusting in a corner of the garden. Such a relief that they are no longer terrorising the wildlife, and Mrs Johnson.

I STILL have a cold. I have been self isolating, hence I have been unable to visit any blogs. During my isolation I have turned my calligraphy studio into a laboratory in an effort to find a defence against all the viral nasties that have been circulating this winter. Later today I will be conducting the first of many experiments on my niece, Charmaine [she does not know this yet as she has been self isolating up in the attic for the past 2 years]. Research tells me that vinegar and peppermint have antiviral properties so I intend to spray Charmaine liberally with my homemade vinegar/peppermint preparation and then vigorously sneeze on her. I will chart her reaction over the coming days. If she begins to look feverish I will add gin. To everything.

Meanwhile, tomorrow is my birthday!!!!! Yay!!!! Which might put me in a higher risk category for death and such like. Damn it. But I will not worry as I have soap, water, vinegar, peppermint, loo paper, and, my personal favourite – whiskey.

Anyhow, as it is my birthday, and to cheer the mood in preparation for the zombie apocalypse, here is a tune – proving that there are better things to do in the supermarket than panic buy.