Tag Archives: Richard Etherington-Smythe

A Mogwash Newsflash

News reaches us of the strange disappearance of Richard Etherington-Smythe. Speculation has it that the sat nav system on his ride on mower malfunctioned and he was last seen by friends and neighbours mowing his way through the Butterfly Sanctuary and Bee Reserve at Moggins Meadow, 5 miles south of his 25 acre ornamental gardens at Mogs Mill Manor. In the unlikely event of anyone finding Mr Etherington-Smythe, please telephone the news desk at The Mogwash Mouthpiece immediately. Please note, he is not thought to be dangerous.

Also worthy of mention is the aspiring graffiti artist who, in an attempt to emulate the popular artist Banksy, has been using his mother’s Cath Kidston stenciling set to leave his tags across the village, most extensively in the bus shelter, in the grade II listed phone box, and all over Mrs Fitzpatrick’s hand built alpine rockery [with water feature]. Please note that we at The Mogwash Mouthpiece will not tolerate such blatant misbehaviour; we know who is responsible for these senseless acts vandalism and will be passing on the relevant details on to the appropriate authorities in due course.

Finally, we have received several complaints regarding a website known as Wonky Words. Does anyone know what this site is supposed to be about? The Mogwash Mouthpiece feels that this site is in some way responsible for the German archaeologist who has begun excavation work in the car park next to the scout hut. His name is Mago and he claims that he has been given permission to dig for ancient artifacts in the area known as Mogwash. We would like to assure residents that we are looking into this matter and will report our findings in the Christmas edition of the Mogwash Mouthpiece – on sale in the newsagents from October 21st.

Mogs Mill

Mogs Mill, to be found north west of Mogwash, is a tight knit prosperous community where the mental health problems of the rich and illustrious are referred to affectionately as ‘eccentricities’ and go largely unreported to the wider world. Indeed, this small rural enclave has become something of a safe-haven for disenchanted entrepreneurs and dispirited millionaires; for example, the obsessive compulsive disorder of one particular resident went unnoticed for such a time that he managed to block pave 42 acres of arable farmland before concerned neighbours raised the alarm.
Richard Etherington-Smythe, originally an Estate Agent/Mortgage Consultant/Property Developer/Pension Schemer from South Kensington, was later found roaming the forest unaccompanied, attempting to manicure huge swathes of ancient woodland with little more than a pair of secateurs, daisy print gardening gloves, and a certificate of commendation in rustic handicrafts. Consumed with a pathological fear of darkness, Mr Etherington-Smythe was also responsible for lighting up the night skies with 3,000 energy saving light bulbs festooned across an area of coppice that had been incorporated into his extensive back garden. This proved to be something of a distraction for pilots trying to land aircraft at nearby Gatwick airport…

18 May 2007