Deadline

Before I rant and rave about the deadline, let me first rant and rave about WordPress. It is subtle, I know, but when I looked at my blog this morning the template had changed! I didn’t do it! Maybe Charmaine has been on the fiddle and tinkered with something under the bonnet? Rest assured that I am enfumed. YES, ENFUMED.

Meanwhile, the reason for this post – other than I haven’t written one for a week – is that I have only received TWO entries for the DID I WIN YET competition. Seriously, I wasn’t expecting such enthusiasm, it’s not like there is anything else going on in the world. The deadline for entries is Sunday 10th January, or thereabouts, I can be flexible. Please send your entries to me via my email address that is somewhere obvious on this blog/website. DO NOT MAKE ME THREATEN YOU WITH A FLOCK OF STARLINGS, or my appalling taste in music. I will announce the winner/s on Sunday 17th January.

And furthermore…. I have a meme for you from the olden days of 2008. What was the first vinyl single you ever bought? Slap it on your blog and tell us about it.

This was mine:-

Farewell 2020….

….and good riddance. I was going to write some sort of review of my blogging year, but it mostly consisted of storms in February; wild trampolines; a lot of whinging regarding an ongoing cold; and a lot of whining about my teeth. That was it. I was going to contact my doctor today regarding some other complaint, but now I’ve forgotten what it was – possibly something to do with still not being able to chew properly, or somesuch. I’m sure he will be pleased not to hear from me as I’m guessing he might have more pressing matters to attend to.

Meanwhile, I have been asked to judge a Haiku competition. No, I haven’t a clue why either – something to do with Charmaine living it large on a neighbouring Crossword blog, HERE, with cousin Batarde. I have read all the entries, my favourite is by Dtw42 [I accept the edit because I am kind like that and can’t add up either] and is as follows:-

Slate-grey Basingstoke skies;

cold, yet still no snow. The

duvet’s siren call.

I am hoping I am not responsible for supplying the prize?! It’s been one of those years where I’ve said yes to FAR TOO MUCH, and I am STILL suffering the consequences.

And talking of snow…. IT IS SNOWING HERE!!!! I did have a video to upload but none of my devices or apps are talking to each other, perhaps they have locked down to avoid some sort of hideous virus?

So a tune instead – I have been playing this a lot this month, sort of festive, cheerful and the closest I’ll get to a party tonight….

Ha! And I still have that necklace!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! May it live up to all our expectations!!!

Oh my goodness – did it work? Did I not break anything? Well this must be a first. Crikey.

Christmas 2020

Good evening. I bring you this blog post from my sofa. I am whiskey sodden and a little triffled, but this won’t stop me typing up my Christmas post. 
Earlier in the week I was supposed to seek out virtual pressies [as per Dinah’s fabulous meme] for all my blog chums. I thought long and hard about what each individual would desire; I kept a detailed and extensive list in my head. Sadly, I have now forgotten all of it – there might have been a jukebox for Jon, a Tribble for Mr Devine, some old books for Mr Mags, Kew Gardens for Dinah, a box of Codfanglers for Mistress Maddie, a quill for Mr Batarde, a 1960’s cocktail set for Mistress MJ, something pertinent for Nick [soz, clueless, all I can think of is a false beard right now],and a permanent residence in Hollywood for Savvy. But seeing as how I have forgotten all of this, and am incapable of doing links on this device, I have decided that because I am the global ambassador for Ferrero Rocher that I will simply shower everyone with golden nuts instead. Does this make any sense? Am really not sure. Whatever. Shall we see if I can include a tune? What tune?

Happy Christmas!

Bill, I have forgotten Bill. Damn it. Bill must have extra chocolate. And a new drone.

And Looby – I promised an M&S voucher, or was it S&M?
I am going to be editing this post forever… for Rimpy, I was thinking maybe a green pair of shorts would suffice? And Kylie – maybe her dream job?
I will shut up now. The year has been tough enough without me rambling on for the rest of the evening into the ether. HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!

A Festive Flashback…. [The Ghost of Christmas Past]

Time to get in a festive mood, so here is a flashback from November 2008 – HERE

‘Here come the girls…’ is the chant from the new Boots Christmas advert, obviously pandering to it’s female market by illustrating how women are better at organisation than men.

To do this Boots have made a short ‘fly-on-the-wall’ documentary about a group of women who are in the advanced stages of ‘Secret Santa’.  Each woman has pulled a colleague’s name out of Santa hat, and now they’re stampeding, like a cattle dressed in tinsel, to Boots to buy cheap and cheerful goods for Christmas. One of the token blokes is shown as being so incompetent that he is seen trying to gift wrap a stapler.

Part of me dislikes this ad because I think it encourages men to wallow in the myth that they are  incapable at choosing suitable gifts, and thus it discourages them from putting any effort into doing any Christmas shopping. Basically, women get lumbered with present finding. It’s not on. Being a man is not an excuse to be useless.

Anyhow, I do like that this ad is set in an office, and I like the tune, but I think that Boots are missing out all the good bits that only happen at Christmas, so I suggest a ‘Here come the girls’ sequel. In the sequel, Boots join forces with the people who make the alcohol awareness information films and together they show the true horrors that are unwrapped at the annual office party.

Firstly there is always a weeping wailing woman who sobs into her soup for 3hrs, making horrible stains across the tablecloth. In a drunken stupor she confesses loudly that she has been sleeping with the Group Operations Director for the last 3 months, but now he’s dumped her for a bright and shiny 18yr old receptionist. Nobody is surprised by this revelation as the GOD has form.

Then focus should shift to the couple who throughout the year have been working each other up into a sexual frenzy with furtive glances and breathy tension. At the Christmas party they cross the line of no return resulting in a ripped shirt, laddered tights and a pair of lost knickers. The next day he brags, and she denies. It takes another 6 months of furtive glances and breathy tension before they do the exact same thing at the company cheese and wine party. Six years later they get married. And buy a bungalow.

Finally there’s the drunken blonde floosey whose party piece is to snog everyone under the mistletoe and declare undying love, forever and ever, to anyone who’ll listen. She then takes it upon herself to entertain her colleagues by scrambling unassisted onto the table to belt out a rousing chorus of ‘I Will Survive’, just before flashing her tits at her boss and throwing up in his lap . Oops.

At least we don’t have to put up with this nightmare in 2020.

The ‘Did I Win Yet?’ Competition/Award

Because I won the first ‘Did I Win Yet?’ competition, way back in January 2020, hosted by the lovely Mr Devine HERE, I now have the joyous pleasure of hosting the second! Yay!!

So what is the ‘Did I Win Yet?’ competition? It is simply a way to honour our old friend Mr Lax. And this competition/award can take any format I fancy! I am so relieved that it doesn’t have to be a quiz – I can instead make it easy. Thank goodness, as I think we have all been a little mentally overtaxed this year.

To win the ‘Did I Win Yet’ award 2021 please complete the following sections:-

Section 1 – The Quiz Bit

Q1. Many years ago Ms Scarlet had a dream about Mr Lax. In this dream Mr Lax instructed Ms Scarlet to do what? Was it:

a) Feed his cats

b) Mind the gap

c) Feed somebody else’s cats

d) Mind the cranberry sauce

Q2. What does LX mean?

a) No, seriously what does LX mean? Did we ever find out?

b) It means XL

c) Something to do with engineering

d) Nothing in particular

Section 2 – The Creative Bit

For this section I would like you to write out your favourite quote as adventurously as you dare; place it on a chair of your choice; photograph it; and then send this picture to me for me to examine with my keen eye for all types of writing.

That’s it!! This is all you have to do to enter the ‘Did I Win Yet?’ competition!! We’ve had gardening competitions, so it’s about time we had a handwriting compo!

The competition is open as soon as I publish this post. The deadline is 10th January 2021. The winner/s will be announced on 17th January 2021. Please send your entries to scarlet@wonky-words.com. Please remember to include responses to both sections. The prize is the honour of hosting the next ‘Did I Win Yet?’ competition; the exclusive right to put the following on your sideboard:-

AND, I might send you a little something if you want me to. I look forward to receiving your entries, and will continually pester you until you do.

Getting Better

I bring pictures! I bring calligraphy! I bring tidings of joy! I bring a couple of heartfelt messages! I bring a toaster; a cuddly toy; a can of baked beans, and several vintage maps of Blackpool on a sunny afternoon. Never say I bring you nothing. But be aware that my hands are full.

Firstly, as promised, here are a couple of my Halloween collages:-

halloween-collage

collage for halloween exchange

And a little calligraphy:-

white-copperplate-variation-on red-envelope

My heartfelt messages:-

1) If you are a nighttime jaw clencher [bruxer] then NEVER EVER sleep on your back! Don’t even dream about it. It could possibly bring you no end of excruciatingly painful problems. And ruin your teeth.

2) Over the past two months I have become aware of some unusual activity in my blog stats, as in hits on old personal posts that rarely get read after they’ve been published and commented on. Posts featuring calligraphy are always popular, but the personal ones – not so much – years can go by before some poor soul alights on one of those, but recently they have been much sought after. At first I was flattered! Yay, somebody loves me! And then I stopped taking the drugs, and wondered if someone was profiling me for nefarious purposes? If so then please note that this blog is a minefield of misinformation, the truth is that I am 37 years old, I am French [hence the surname: Blue], and I live with five cats on an Alpaca farm somewhere near Newcastle. Just so you know.

3) If you are not profiling me for nefarious purposes and you are actually Aidan Turner, then don’t be a stranger – give me a call! My email address is right there!! There on the front page!!! Oh, for goodness sake HERE  – at the bottom of the page!

Shall we have some Sunday Music? Why not? I have just finished watching The Queen’s Gambit on Netflix and now want to download the soundtrack.