Goodbye 2018!

I have never written a review of my blogging year, and after flitting back to January 2018 I can see why…..

January started in grumpy mode – off to a flying start then – and I was hoping to complete a new, riveting, interactive project called Loopy Letters. That all went tits up.
I also fell off a tree and hurt my knee – IT STILL HURTS!!!!

February – Still grumpy.

March – Mr Devine had a birthday!!! There was snow in the form of The Beast from the East!!! I also had a birthday.

April – A little less grumpy. Charmaine popped in for some gruel, and I regaled my readers with tales about exotic train travel.

May – In a better frame of mind, some would say almost hysterical, as I went into a giggle meltdown due to Mr Devine’s sidebar being sabotaged by Dinah’s extra-large photographs. You had to be there to understand my mirth.
In May I also accepted that I’m a flakey ne’er do well, and the Loopy Letters project was quietly shelved. It will probably fall off the shelf in 2021 and make a loud thud.

June – I made curtains, and walked a lot.

July – It was hot.

August – My eyebrows fell out.

September – Waffled on about calligraphy.

October – Good grief. What was I thinking? On the plus side, there was a nice picture of a big blue sky.

November – Onset of Tinnitus, and Yodel van incident. BUT, I also won the FGES competition!!!!

December – Christmas!

And, after almost nothing happening for a whole year, my blogging chums still turn up to say hello!!!! Remarkable. They all deserve medals. Should I make medals in 2019??? Gilded medals… I could send them out to people???? NO, NO, stop this madness!!!

I have no plans for 2019 other than I resolve to conduct myself in a more orderly fashion. Whatever that means.

Anyhow, best wishes for a HAPPY NEW YEAR to all who wander through my blog posts!!! Even the spam bots.


Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!!!

Wishing all my blogging friends a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

Blimey…. I’ve actually managed to produce a Christmas post….

Nice’n’Easy…… [A blast from the past]

Here we see Louise, she’s been feeling a bit dowdy lately having recently been dumped by her boyfriend; for the past week she’s been holed up in her bedroom scoffing chocolate and peanut butter sandwiches. She’s also been devouring self-help books, her two favourites being, ‘How To Get More Than Even’ and ‘Men Are From An Entirely Different Planet Altogether’. To cheer herself up, and to help her face the world again, Louise has decided that she needs a make-over. It only takes five hours, three boxes of Nice’n Easy Natural Baby Blonde, and forty-five ruined towels to turn Louise’s mousy brown locks into a brillo pad of ginger. Louise sobs, wishing she’d done a strand test first as per the instructions on the box, but who ever does? She spends the rest of the evening drinking neat gin and avoiding her reflection in the mirror. In the morning she awakes, still slightly sloshed, but remembers that her Dad keeps a selection of wigs in his dressing-up box. She chooses ‘The Cher’, in natural nylon – it’s bright red, but what the heck it’s better than the ginger brillo. She tops off her new look with a pink crochet beret. Feeling a shade braver she heads out the door to her local salon, hoping against hope that they can fix the damage. On her way she passes a shoe shop and is transfixed by a pair of red stilettos in the window, but there, looming behind the display, is Catty-Mean-Mouth-Bitch-Face-Fanny – the last person you want to see when you’re feeling less than your best. Louise, still fuelled by gin, whips off her beret and tosses her mane of nylon cherry red hair; she struts into the shop and she buys those shoes [you go girl]. We see her striding up the High Street to the salon like a graceful 7ft pillar box on a trolley, towering over all other pedestrians.
At the salon, Terry, who studied ‘Directional Hair Design with Pubic Topiary’ at Southend Tech, transforms her matted bush of ginger into a halo of golden blonde [amazing what can be achieved with industrial bleach, hair straighteners, and a pot of VO5]. Louise smiles at her reflection in the mirror, and it is in this moment she realises that life is never Nice’n Easy; Louise winks at Terry, and resolves that from now on she’s going to be easy’n nice….

And then…..

…..I was involved in a head on collision. Of course I was. What could be more fitting given the unsavoury nature of 2018 thus far? It is okay, I am fine. I was being transported in a Land Rover Defender – imagine me, perched up high in the passenger seat, knees together, with gloved hands neatly resting on my handbag. My eyes widened on impact, and my barely there eyebrow arched for the occasion. I might have screamed a little as well. I tell a lie, there was much screaming and sobbing – after all, I was about to miss a much-needed hair appointment.

With whom did I collide? A Yodel delivery van. It is that time of year when white vans go into overdrive, and speed around country lanes trying to deliver Christmas in time for…er… Christmas. Obviously I am still in a state of shock, but I am incredibly grateful that I wasn’t in the car, it is only a fluke that I was in the Land Rover instead.

So, my lovelies, be careful out there, you never know what’s around the next corner.

What Fresh Hell is This????????

Why is there a snake hissing in my head??? Why??? I kid you not. I now have tinnitus. Deep joy. I think I’ve had it on and off for some time, but the volume has ramped up and has become intrusive. It is a constant high-pitched hiss. Naturally I have been to see my GP. Naturally I have rummaged around on the Internet and put the fear of God into myself. The sad thing is that I had a relatively good day yesterday, i.e, the hiss didn’t drown out Strictly Come Dancing, but today the hiss is back with vengeance. AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!

I will cut down on sugar and eat nuts and try to keep calm. I will listen to more music. I will sing, as singing seems to help. Maybe I will post more on my blog just to moan about it. My GP seems to be of the mind that it is stress related and I am to be referred somewhere. Nobody knows for sure what causes tinnitus… or alopecia of the eyebrows come to that, but I will keep you all updated on this thrilling new adventure.

God, this is awful, and has taken the shine-off winning The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts!!!! Yes, I won, I won, I won!!!!!!!!! Thank you Rimpy!!! Expect a competition around Christmas/New Year.

Here is a tune. I am playing it on my laptop, which has very tinny acoustics and drowns out the hiss.

P.S For Savvy: Did my envelope ever arrive??? I have a horrible feeling it is lost due to me not putting enough postage on it. Hopefully it will arrive soon. I will send you a picture of it so that you can check that I got the address right.

My Top Ten….

Meme Alert!!!!!!! I interrupt my hectic blogging schedule to bring you my Top Ten favourite albums. EVER.
I’ve done this list from memory and they are the albums I remember playing until other people complained about the repetition and started shouting at me to: PLEASE CHANGE THE **$$$***£$$* RECORD!

1. Tears for Fears – Songs from the Big Chair [1985] Vinyl [given to me by my first proper boyfriend] – my favourite track: Head Over Heels

2. Oasis – (What’s the Story?) Morning Glory [1995] CD, fav track: Wonderwall

3. Tears for Fears – The Hurting [1983] Vinyl, fav track: Watch Me Bleed

4. OMD – Architecture and Morality [1981] Vinyl, fav track: Souvenir

5. Amy Winehouse – Back to Black [2006] CD

6. David Bowie – Hunky Dory [1971] Vinyl [Actually belonged to my sister], fav track: Life On Mars

7. INXS – Kick [1987] Cassette [stolen along with the car], fav track: Never Tear Us Apart

8. The Psychedelic Furs – Midnight to Midnight [1987] Vinyl, fav track: All of the Law

9. The Psychedelic Furs – Forever Now [1982] Vinyl, fav track: Love My Way

10. New Order – Substance 1987 [1987] Vinyl, fav track: True Faith

Thank you Jon, Mr Devine, and Savvy for the meme. I’m now going to wallow in nostalgia and pontificate as to why streaming is just not the same as buying a bit of vinyl…