Apologies, I have been sulking. I have been sulking because my knees hurt. One aches due to previous dog related incidents, and the other knee feels like it has a penknife lodged in it – not that I have any experience of actually having a penknife lodged in my knee. I spoke to my doctor several weeks ago and he used the word ‘tear’ and the phrase ‘floating fibres’, which made me switch off from everything else he was saying. I am rather squeamish about blood, bones, and suchlike, for example to my ear the word ‘cartilage’ is akin to fingernails on a chalkboard – it makes me shudder. And all those anatomical graphic diagrams of knees – ick, no, can’t look at them. Knees should just work and get on with what they’re supposed to be doing, they shouldn’t be whinging and whining and hurting for no justifiable reason – they should stay under the cover of a decent pair of jeans, behave themselves, and be grateful for a swipe of body lotion and the occasional rub. Don’t I have enough drama from the wonky jaw????
Anyhow, the pain has made me grumpy, and rather unsociable.
To pass the time, whilst sulking, I have been resting, and reading, and also sorting out my drawers. I have found some interesting bits and pieces dating back to 1938, which I will regale you with in future posts, but today I have something far more recent….
From Dinah, 2012
Yes, it’s a little hand stitched booklet made by our very own Dinah back in 2012! I came across other bits of blogging memorabilia that has been sent to me over the years, such as postcards from Mr Mags, Mr Lax, and Pete; a picture of the Parliament Hill cats from MJ; and a birthday card from Mr Devine. I will put all these things together somewhere safe, and in ten years time I will find them again – they will make me smile, and I will again put them away somewhere safe…. and I will probably continue this cycle until the day that I don’t.
Yep, I will now return to berating my kneecaps.
Next time: Charmaine has a theory – is it time to break a bottle?
…and so I decided that I wasn’t going to write another post until I finished the book that I began reading way back HERE. Honestly, I have never taken so long to finish a very good book, but 2020 happened and proved to be something of a distraction.
Chapter 26 provides a laugh out loud moment. And there is also a peripheral character with a penchant for calligraphy. But mostly it’s about the past that never was, and the impossible dreams we weave for a future knitted with nostalgia. Oh, and there might be some talk of Brexit. I loved it – Jonathan Coe at his best. I wonder if he’ll write a book about the pandemic? I hope so.
As you can see the chair has moved into the kitchen. Gripping stuff – well, I had to do something during lockdown.
Meanwhile, huge excitement!!! I have some garden pics!!!!! I actually managed to take a pic of the blossom on my cherry tree before it all fell off.
Yes, there is Sid in the background. AND, I found a filter especially designed for estate agents on my iPad…
Estate Agent Filter
…which makes my garden look about ten times bigger than it actually is. Yay! I have extensive grounds!
Finally, I have some pics of flowers to pretty up my blog a little…
Next time: A dubious sod; a wax effigy; a bad knee; a decision to be made; and the tale of the woebegone soul. And maybe some more flowers.
Where have I been? Why have I not posted since the last time I posted? I have been….. incapacitated. I had my vaccine shot last Saturday, and have been very sleepy ever since. To be fair, I often sleep through March and April, so maybe not a vaccine side effect at all. I did have chills, and a very mild headache for a couple of days. But that was it.
Meanwhile, when conscious, I have been preparing for Mr Devine’s Birthday, which is tomorrow. I had big ideas for a celebration. Firstly, there was a novel to be written; a film starring Aidan Turner in a spaceship to be made; a tribble to be wrapped and mailed; several cormorants to be trained as butlers; a ripped gardener to be employed; and a tinfoil creation to be created. Sadly, due to all the sleep and a sore arm, I had to settle for a small idea instead….
Something new for the sideboard±
Happy Birthday, Mr Devine!! I’m sure you can shrink this so that it doesn’t overwhelm your sideboard. To be fair there was supposed to be some gold, but my gold dust looked like a heap of yellowing dandruff in my photographs, so I abandoned that particular idea.
A tune for the birthday boy….
I have just remembered that I have a blog and that I should post something – how about some more pictures of calligraphy? BUT WITH A TWIST? I know how popular dramatic twists are these days. Can you spot the not so deliberate mistake in the following picture of some recent calligraphy that was sent out to my international students who so kindly attended my workshop?
Writing double letters can be problematic in calligraphy and I had been asked to provide my take on possible solutions. Please note that I wasn’t asked to include British slang that only British people would understand. And, yep, I wrote THAT word convinced that I’d spelt it correctly, and I only noticed my heinous mistake a couple of days ago. Oops. I have no idea why I even thought that a double ‘v’ would be a problem for anyone!
To make up for my error, here is a picture of sunny Blackpool….
Meanwhile, several people have asked about my ongoing jaw issues. They are still ongoing! And I have a horrible hunch that I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO EAT HARD FOOD EVER AGAIN [this includes meat as it is too chewy]. To be fair this hasn’t bothered me during lockdown, but now, on the horizon, is the prospect of being invited out to eat with people other than Mr Blue, and the idea is making me feel sad because I probably won’t be able to – dribbling soup down my chin in private is one thing, I don’t relish doing it in public. I managed to eat Cashew nuts the other week, but it wasn’t an entirely painless experience. Am thinking of taking up smoking again just so that I can have a bad thing to do when everybody else is happily chomping away inside a restaurant, as I am bound to be left outside in the car park, sans bag of crisps, but with a bottle of coke. Also, too much talking can cause a pain attack that cannot be alleviated by over the counter pain killers. I shall include a description of a ‘pain attack’ in chapter 27. So, if you want to see me then it’s best to ask me out for a drink, get me pissed and take me dancing – do not upset me with dinner invitations.
Anyhow, enough with this maudlin talk! It is my birthday week!!! I can still dunk chocolate in my tea, and eat cake!! And smother soggy chips in mayonnaise!! I believe a tune is in order….
The deed is done and I am home!! AND, I have dragged myself from the fainting chaise to bring you an exciting new post!!
Oh my goodness, that was a scary weekend!! What did I learn from my experience ‘teaching’ [crikey those guys knew more than me, who am I kidding?] via Zoom? I learnt quite a bit about what not to do with lighting – and that the silence of a crowd is the most baffling thing on earth. Anyhow, I did a bit of this….
….and once I got over my nerves I think it went okay – I have had some very kind feedback on Instagram. As previously mentioned – calligraphers are notoriously nice. Would I do it again? Ha! Probably not. Why not, I hear you scream – because a) I’m actually not supposed to talk at length because of my jaw issues – hell, I am still struggling with chewing, talking is simply adding insult to the injury, and b) My flipping awful South East London accent.
I watched and listened to some of the recording made of me demonstrating calligraphy. To put it simply, there is a vast disparity between the voice I use in my head and the voice that comes out of my mouth. In my head all the vowels and consonants are present, I speak clearly, I could almost be a BBC presenter. In reality – the vowels are rounded, some are complete circles, and, well, there are a lot of consonants missing in action. Unbearable. With this in mind, I am flirting with the idea of becoming entirely text based and giving up speech forever. I will still speak to the dog though, because he can’t read. I will save my jaw for eating food.
On the plus side, I can do a pretty mean Kate Nash impersonation.
You know how they say you should get out of your comfort zone every now and again? Well, at the end of February this is exactly what I will be doing. Erm…. I’m not sure how this happened, I blame the pandemic, BUT I have agreed to explain my calligraphy process to some lovely calligraphers via Zoom. Gulp. I know, crazy talk… I have been signed up by the European Pointed Pen Collective and details of my ‘course’ are HERE – soooo out of my comfort zone that it almost hurts! I’m sure I will be fine. Calligraphers are notoriously nice, AND THEY WILL forgive the squeaky voice, the peculiar accent, and hopefully for the hour they lose discussing where best to place a well turned tittle [tittle details are very important].
Anyhow, this is my big, scary news! What does this mean for my blog in February? Well I might put up some videos of me actually writing words, if WordPress is agreeable; and I might go missing in action for a bit as I will need to prepare; AND, I will probably also need some time on the fainting chaise with the smelling salts, or the gin, or the Diazepam….. IT WILL BE FINE – I am blind as a bat and can barely make out what the hell is going on on Zoom with or without my glasses! [This is a good thing]
So in February expect a bit more of this:-
Finally – Sunday Music!! I’ve chosen this, cos Jon gave me an ear worm.