Flashback Friday – The Fanny Club

When not composing her much loved symphony in D minor, which she did often and wisely, Fanny Mountjoy-Williams could be found picking up stray boys from the streets of Dungeness. Her mission was to round them up and escort them to school, thus ensuring that they received an education of sorts. Some people mistook Fanny’s activities as being purely altruistic, and seldom suspected that Fanny had an ulterior motive. Few people knew it, but during the early sixties Fanny had been recruited as the International Global Universal Ambassador for Persil soap powder. Fanny took her promotional duties seriously although she was not adverse to mischievous tinkering.

In her role as ambassador, Fanny would locate a random urchin, preferably grubby from playing on the bomb-sites, and then clothe him in a shirt that had been soaked for several months in a solution of 5 parts hydrogen peroxide, 7 parts ammonia, 4 parts baking soda, 9 parts arsenic, and 1 part plutonium [do not try this at home]. This recipe would guarantee that the shirt would glow brilliantly with a blinding whiteness.

As we are all aware, Fanny Mountjoy-Williams was a formidable woman – by the age of twelve she had already written a groundbreaking thesis on high wire acrobatics and aerial fire eating, which in turn led to her being nominated for a Nobel prize in chemistry, so it is of no surprise that other women were easily impressed by her lofty demeanour, and by the luminous urchin that would often accompany her on her jaunts around town. Who could blame these women for peeking into Fanny’s basket and, on seeing the box of Persil, jumping to the wrong conclusion. Thanks to Fanny Mountjoy-Williams and her novel approach to marketing, Boxes of Persil flew off the supermarket shelves, but sadly these new consumers were left dismayed and disappointed because their children refused to glow, they instead remained dismal, dull, and decidedly grim in comparison to Fanny’s urchin.

Not a woman to miss an opportunity, Fanny realised that she could make a pretty penny from selling her secret recipe to laundry obsessed mothers at the school gates. Eventually, due to demand, she formed The Fanny Club, collectively known as The Fannies. They were a large group of discerning women [think Tunbridge Wells] who would meet every other Tuesday for Fanny workshops to discuss folding techniques, and what to do with two large sheets in a high wind. The club motto, which they would recite at the start of all club meetings, was as follows:- Persil washes whiter and it shows, but with a touch of Fanny it really, really glows.

In 1975 the Fannies were disbanded after a member complained that the secret recipe had been the cause of an unsightly rash on her rear. Overuse of baking soda was believed to be the cause.

Originally posted HERE
Also, none of this will make any sense until you watch the Youtube 🙂 And then it’ll make even less sense.

COMING SOON:- Something new!!! Maybe.

Until…. [Part 2]

….I went rummaging through my old blog looking for an old advert post for mascara when I found this instead, from 2009. Shocked!!! Did I really write such things??? I’m not even sure if I should republish this…..but I am going to because this blog has been far too gloomy lately, and this is a different spin on toothache.

This is possibly one of my worst posts, EVER. From HERE

Cathy is not a dentist [she states this quite clearly]. She has spent the last 4 months detained at Her Majesty’s pleasure in Holloway as punishment for making films featuring scenes of torture and abuse; she is now unemployed but enjoys dressing up as an air hostess. Cathy has toothache, and an oral fetish; she has now broken into the dental surgery to polish some instruments. Mr Davis [the real dentist] is startled to find her in his surgery handling his scarifying tool, and a tube of toothpaste, but he is impressed by her tonguing action, and he has a professional interest in her misshapen mandibles. Because of his attention, Cathy gets a little overexcited and flashes her Crest. In a fit of wild abandon Cathy slips and knocks out her front tooth on the narcosis apparatus. She is crestfallen. Mr Davis ushers her into his black leather chair for a thorough examination. Cathy sighs as she feels him in her mouth – she is in her element, she begins to froth and lets him poke around until he fills her all of her cavities….

Soz.

Until…..

….until WordPress took away the option to use the Classic Editor for writing posts. Where has it gone??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Hasn’t life been difficult enough lately without having to navigate newfangled formats??? Eff it.

Meanwhile, in the calm serene world of Ms Blue, she is still waiting for her hospital appointment to have a tooth extraction – it has already been cancelled once and she is fighting the very real possibility of becoming a codeine addicted raddled anorexic [kidding-ish]. The good news is that the toothache has subsided due to the death of said tooth – it just feels a bit weird instead of radiating complete agony. Thankfully the codeine is no longer needed although it is still difficult to eat.

Distraction techniques have featured some of this:-

halloween calligraphy exchange

Yes, I signed up for a Halloween card exchange on Instagram. I had a bit of a fiasco with my postage stamps due to my inability to add up properly. Being able to add up helps if you want to use swanky vintage stamps when sending cards to places such as the USA, Australia, and Canada. Sigh. I am now out of vintage stamps. I don’t have a stamp to my name. I will slap some pics up of the cards I made after they’ve reached their destinations – if they ever make it!

Calligraphy-halloween-exchange-2020

calligraphy-halloween-exchange-envelopes

Yep, as well as postage stamps galore there was also collage! Of course there was.

Other distractions featured listening to very loud music whilst being ironic:

 

I have another hospital appointment booked for next week. I shall let you know what happens – or you’ll be able to hear my screams, one or the other. Oh yay – I’ve found Classic Editor again!!! There is a God.

Trying to Flourish….

I was tired of staring into space, my hands were restless and needed something to do. They were also far too clean – where were the ink stains and tacky bits of glue? And so, I picked up my nibs and tried to write again….

quote-written-in-calligraphy-for-a-friend

Copperplate-calligraphy-address-using-bleed-proof-white-on-red-envelope

And lo, I managed to write 50 words without referring to my toothache, or embedding a weird video about asbestos…. things were definitely moving in the right direction, until……

An update, and a short educational film

I have an update. How thrilling. My toothache has subsided for the time being so I’m hoping to write a post that doesn’t focus on minor health issues, instead I will focus on Mr Devine’s less than subtle hints that I should get on with the FGES competition, as witnessed here and here.

I have the shorts. They are here, with me. I received them from Tumblr blogger, AlpoJones way back in November 2018. Good grief, have I really had them that long?! Anyhow, Alpo included some goodies with the shorts, as seen here:-

FGES

There was also chocolate, but that didn’t last the week. Gone. Thank you Alpo for the shorts and the extras all the way from Seattle!

If you are interested in the definitive history of the FGES then you can find it on Rimpy’s blog HERE

I will run the competition before the end of the year. I promise!!! So enough with your not so subtle hints, Mr Devine! Though I am sort of dreading putting them on again…. maybe I can work round that? Maybe I should just wrap them up and send them to Mr Devine.

Meanwhile, here is something educational for those who are baffled, and not at all interested in the ever so slightly grubby velour shorts…

Tooth – An Update

I am just back from the dentist, and as I suspected I have a few loose teeth that need to come out – and also a black area on the X-ray that ‘looks suspicious’ [probably a bit of decayed brain that has fallen through], so I have a referral to the hospital [something I was dreading], but they probably won’t be able to see me until we are in full on pandemic mode again.
I have antibiotics – but I struggle with taking tablets, so I’m not sure how this is going to pan out. I am a bit worried about the ‘something suspicious’. The thing is that when I am anxious I do not ask questions – I am in full flight mode so why would I hang around and drag out a conversation – or listen?

I’m sure it will be fine 🙂

*Hides under bed and starts sobbing*