A Birthday Post featuring Mr Devine…..

….with a nice knitting pattern resulting in World peace. In September 2022 Devine was coerced into a writing collaboration with Ms Scarlet Ambrosia Blue [1917 – ?]. This arrangement proved to be beneficial for them both as each time a new instalment was published readers would clamour to their blogs desperate to be the first to leave a pithy insightful comment, and perhaps be instrumental to furthering the plot. However, the collaboration was short lived and ended when Blue cried foul play. During the climax of their epic adventure Devine turned Blue into a mouse thus rendering her a mere squeak in the Blogosphere. With hindsight it is clear that Blue was suffering from the delusions that would later become the inspiration for her Mogwashian Opus [paperback only – £0.99, Amazon] – as with all of Blue’s work it contained too many commas, lacked a perceivable structure and a satisfactory conclusion, and, to make matters worse, it had an irrelevant, long-winded chapter about using cheese as an insulation material.

In March 2023 Inexplicably Devine had another birthday, specifically on the 22nd March, although it was seen to spread well into April, and popped up again in both August and November for an encore. By this time Devine was at his most creative and influential; aided and abetted by his new familiar, Bertie, Devine found fresh impetus to watch science-fiction based visual media whilst ensconced on a long upholstered seat with a back and arms that provided physical ease and relaxation. It was from this place of comfort that Devine was kidnapped and then trapped in what he colourfully described as the ‘Rubber Ducky Room’. This room would become the blueprint for Devine’s much lauded….

Wilmslow, Peter (2036) Blog Communities, The Early Years, Vermilion Press

An Unimportant Announcement…

This is not a post. This is an announcement to say that a new Wonky Words comment box is open for valued members of the Blogosphere to type words into. As ever, discussion will vary wildly, and will feature in depth analysis on controversial subjects such as:-

Cheese – Is it simply dangerous, or just another cost effective way to insulate the loft?

Pharmaceuticals – A healthy alternative to bar snacks, or just a long word beginning with ‘P’?

Knicker liners with secure fit technology – innovative, or just an expensive upgrade on a wad of loo paper?

Old blog posts – should they be left to rot in the dim and distant past, or brought up to date and refurbished for when you’re short of new ideas?

A tune….

Fine Filter, No Filter

But which one is the fine dust filter???? I am a grown up, I should know these things without having to watch an American demonstrate such things on YouTube – and if I do have to watch a Youtube then I will have to listen to 10 meters of waffle to find the 6mm of information I need to fully understand the mechanics of the dust container on my vacuum cleaner.

I have had this particular vacuum for well over a year. A flashing light started flashing whilst cleaning today so I decided to browse the user manual. Ugh. I am supposed to wash parts of this vacuum cleaner???? I am not good at cleaning. My first vacuum cleaner did its stuff for almost 15 years before I realised it even had a filter. I sometimes wonder if there are other things that I am supposed to clean, but never have. How would I know?

This is the diagram for the dust container:-

It’s a good job I didn’t act on my instinct, which was to rip off the fine dust filter [yay! found it!] in fig.35 and expect to be able to buy a new one. Fig. 40 is still a little bit of a mystery, but I’m sure it will become crystal clear if I hold it under a running tap. Fig. 39 is going to result in a tantrum – those lock/unlock situations always do. I’m sure you don’t want photographs of what I am looking at in reality – you would either laugh, or recoil in horror.

Anyhow, it is January. I always try a little bit harder in January, meaning I will blog regularly for two weeks and then fizzle out.

A tune….

Sunday Scenery

I am rather pleased with these photographs because I had no picture on my phone screen when I took them. I simply pointed my phone in the direction of the darkening clouds and tapped the button, et voila, two pictures of a rain soaked morning. I was rather thrilled to discover that I’m better at taking pictures blind than when I can see the end result.
Anyhow, I did get soaked. Maybe my phone is broken because I keep getting it wet?

Should I get a new phone???

I have not recovered from Christmas and I’m rather grumpy that it’s now all over. I am also grumpy because I have a Frozen Shoulder. I had heard of this affliction before having it myself, but didn’t realise how painful it is. IT IS BLOODY PAINFUL. And, of course, it’s something that the doctors can do little about. They say it’s something I should be free from in a couple of years time. Well, isn’t that good to know?! Meanwhile, I am finding ever inventive ways for getting dressed and undressed. I blame incorrect injection technique from my last Covid booster in December 2021 – NOT THE VACCINE, but the way the injection was given. The pain from the jab seared down my arm and into my hand – I don’t think that’s supposed to happen. My arm has hurt since then. Throughout the summer I waited for it to get better, but instead I gradually lost mobility in my left arm. I am waiting to see a physio. The problem is that I’m now rather fearful of injections, given that my first Covid shot was also painful. I just want one of those ‘didn’t feel a thing’ jabs that everyone else has been raving about.

Anyhow, this is why I haven’t blogged much. I am grumpy. So my New Year’s resolution is to perhaps try to be a little less grumpy. Maybe a new phone would cheer me up?

A tune…

Merry MishMash!!!!

R

emember when I said that I would publish this old post every Christmas Eve to herald the festivities? No, I forgot as well, and didn’t bother with it last year – but this year I will! How thrilling for you!

I really am spoiling you…

Here we see Darren. He is hoping to be selected as an ambassador for the Littlehampton Confectionery Display Team. He is submitting one of the finest examples of his work in their annual ‘Exposure’ competition. It’s a rather grand affair held in a disused caravan park close to Southend pier, where display enthusiasts come from far and wide to exhibit their elaborate confection. For example, competitor Annie has flown in from Amsterdam and has done something gratuitous with a fudge finger fan, whilst Gavin from Gateshead [the winner in 2006] has been imaginative with a Toffee Crisp and an artfully adapted 12 inch Twirl; Maggie, a mother of three [the winner in 1908, but never since] has chosen a minimalist/conceptual approach – her piece is entitled ‘Red Smartie with Toothpick’.

So far the judges have been less than impressed with the entrées, but Darren is confident that he can lick his rivals. Darren has a secret, he has big balls, golden balls, and he knows how to use them. He waits in the wings as poor Simon, a professional kitchen fitter from Stevenage, sobs and stumbles from the judging panel after his Sherbert Fountain fails to font whilst his Lion Bar goes limp.

Darren feels the tension rising – his moment has arrived, he takes a deep breath and walks into the spotlight. His golden balls are piled high upon a silver platter creating a sophisticated yet captivating display that brings the essence of Egypt to Essex. Darren stands proud. It has only taken a smidgeon of superglue to keep everything erect.

Alas, Darren is unaware of the envious Maggie who will do anything to win, and from the wings she gives Darren an almighty shove sending his nutty nibbles into orbit to splatter down upon the judges heads. Horrified, Judge Erica picks golden nuts from her hair, and exclaims, ‘With your display you are soiling us!’.

Darren hangs his head in shame, but he is not downhearted. There is always next year when he is planning an ambitious assemblage with Annie, they are hoping to cause an extravagance of good taste with 16 Curly Wurlys, several Walnut Whips, and a discounted New York Cheesecake from Aldi.

First published on the Scarlet Blue Archive 8th January 2010 12:45 BST

November….

November has so far consisted of….

5 visits to the vets.
2 visits to the dentist.
2 appointments with the doctor – 1 phone, 1 F2F.
1 appointment with the hairdresser.

A social whirl!!!

Quote of the month from my most secret journal that nobody will ever see…

New sofa has arrived! And it is comfortable! It has restored my faith in living room furniture.

I know – it only seems like yesterday that I was waiting for a new sofa to arrive, unfortunately that one broke after about 6 months so was returned and a new, bigger, better one was ordered.

Picture time!

The view up the lane….

A bit of calligraphy…

And Sid just before he developed an eye abscess, which is refusing to heal….

Meanwhile, there is a small matter of an unfinished story, but before that, a tune – someone [Savvy?] commented on a blog this week: Funny how time flies – and this tune has been lodged in my head ever since. The line is right at the end!

Next week: Am I still a mouse? Will Sid’s eye improve? Will my roof survive another two weeks of torrential rain????