Trying to Flourish….

I was tired of staring into space, my hands were restless and needed something to do. They were also far too clean – where were the ink stains and tacky bits of glue? And so, I picked up my nibs and tried to write again….

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And lo, I managed to write 50 words without referring to my toothache, or embedding a weird video about asbestos…. things were definitely moving in the right direction, until……

An update, and a short educational film

I have an update. How thrilling. My toothache has subsided for the time being so I’m hoping to write a post that doesn’t focus on minor health issues, instead I will focus on Mr Devine’s less than subtle hints that I should get on with the FGES competition, as witnessed here and here.

I have the shorts. They are here, with me. I received them from Tumblr blogger, AlpoJones way back in November 2018. Good grief, have I really had them that long?! Anyhow, Alpo included some goodies with the shorts, as seen here:-

FGES

There was also chocolate, but that didn’t last the week. Gone. Thank you Alpo for the shorts and the extras all the way from Seattle!

If you are interested in the definitive history of the FGES then you can find it on Rimpy’s blog HERE

I will run the competition before the end of the year. I promise!!! So enough with your not so subtle hints, Mr Devine! Though I am sort of dreading putting them on again…. maybe I can work round that? Maybe I should just wrap them up and send them to Mr Devine.

Meanwhile, here is something educational for those who are baffled, and not at all interested in the ever so slightly grubby velour shorts…

Tooth – An Update

I am just back from the dentist, and as I suspected I have a few loose teeth that need to come out – and also a black area on the X-ray that ‘looks suspicious’ [probably a bit of decayed brain that has fallen through], so I have a referral to the hospital [something I was dreading], but they probably won’t be able to see me until we are in full on pandemic mode again.
I have antibiotics – but I struggle with taking tablets, so I’m not sure how this is going to pan out. I am a bit worried about the ‘something suspicious’. The thing is that when I am anxious I do not ask questions – I am in full flight mode so why would I hang around and drag out a conversation – or listen?

I’m sure it will be fine 🙂

*Hides under bed and starts sobbing*

Tooth…

….as in ache. I apologise for leaving random off-topic tooth related comments all over the internet – this is very bad form, BUT, in my defence, I have very bad teeth. This is a lie, they are not that bad – and the pain may not even be the tooth’s fault.

Way back in 2011 I wrote about my jaw issues, about how I woke up, aged 11, with my jaw jammed shut. I wrote about how my mum, although possibly delighted with the prospect of having a mute daughter, took me to the doctor, and then to the hospital where X-rays were taken and it was concluded that I had an iffy jaw, and that not a lot could be done for it other than a series of exercises to loosen it up.

The problem is that when I am riddled with anxiety I clench my jaw in my sleep. And this is what happened a week or so ago. I woke up in pain with my jaw clenched like a Staffy clinging on to a piece of prime rump steak. I think I might have broken something, I am not sure. The peculiar thing is that when I eat a specific tooth starts hurting, but half way through a meal it will stop hurting and be fine. It is the oddest thing. Also, there is no swelling and my gums look healthy, but my jaw is very stiff. It is putting me off my food and I have already lost weight. I probably need to see a dentist, as the salt water sloshing isn’t really cutting it. Obviously the thought of going to the dentist during the pandemic is making me anxious, having the knock-on effect of more clenching, and more pain. AARRRGGGHHHHH. I promise to ring a dentist on Monday. I will let you know how it goes because I’m positive that everybody finds my tooth related woes as fascinating as I do.

Meanwhile, here is the pretty view from my bedroom:-

And, for relaxation, I have been doing some of this:-

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Who is this???

Yes, a new series of Shakespearian insults beckons…..

Headliners

As a small child my imagination was rampant with images of gorillas armed with machine guns waging war in jungles; call girls innocently making money in telephone boxes; and stubborn mules being stuffed with drugs. My imagination, devoid of explanation, saw fit to fill in the gaps.
With this in mind I thought I would start a weekly series of posts dedicated to recent news headlines that my imagination has seen fit to misinterpret. Sometimes I will have a raft of headlines due to my head being particularly fluffy, and sometimes I will have very few – possibly due to my head being so fluffy it refuses to read anything at all.

My first for this week is:-

Vogue Portugal defends controversial mental health cover

In my head Vogue Portugal becomes a sleek, sophisticated, business woman who has been culturally cancelled due to not allowing her staff access to mental health insurance. Her workforce have taken her to task for this, and she is defending herself by pointing out all the perks they get instead, such as Gucci sunglasses, and access to a jacuzzi during their lunch breaks.

My second misread:-

Coach sex activity figures show ‘law change needed’

My poor little head went into overdrive with this one, i.e. does it mean there isn’t enough sex on coaches? Or too much? Is there so much sex going on in coaches that a law is needed to stop it? I didn’t know that people had so much sex in coaches; are people allowed back on coaches now? Who knew a day trip to Blackpool could be so thrilling… Etcetera, Etcetera….

So there you go, a little insight to the workings of my mind. I am hoping to develop the character of Vogue Portugal so that she eventually has a role in Write Panic. I’m sure she could do something useful with a banana.

[Edit]For Jon, because I am a jolly hostess….

Vintage Imagery and Previous Words

It had been many weeks since I had last posted on my internationally acclaimed Wonky-Words blog. Why had I let my blogging prowess slide? Was I afraid that my legions of fans had abandoned me? Was it because I had too much to say and couldn’t fit it all into the white posting box? Or was I simply giving my readership time to savour my previous witterings?

It was none of the above. Sadly my time had been consumed by watching the pandemic death graphs, I had convinced myself that should my eyes waver, even for a second, then the graphs would shoot upwards and kill everyone – it was, after all, my singular vigilance that kept the UK graphs on a steady decline. It was an arduous task, but I was committed and dilligent in my determination to lower the figures, and not let any snippet of Covid news pass me by. And then, on the 15th June I got bored and decided to commit myself to something else instead.

I turned my head away from the graphs, switched off the news; started reading a book; looked out across the meadows; marvelled at the dancing flamingos on a nearby millpond; watched a couple of good films; started taking multi-vitamins; realised my tinnitus was easier to ignore when I stopped masking it with noise; and I remembered that I was a great artist of considerable merit.

And so I returned to my turret at the bottom of the garden, where, for many hours, I toiled over vintage documents; read previous blog posts; dabbled with specialist inks and papers; sampled fine whisky; so that I could bring my loyal readers an untimely art piece entitled: The Lost Trevor – A combination of vintage imagery and previous words.

Finally I had some artwork to slap up on my blog….

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I shall leave you to enjoy. BUT, I hope to bring more thrilling, yet possibly random, words to this neglected blog next week.