Of Unicorns and Boobs

Phew! Wot a scorcher, etc, etc… I am a day late with my promised post, apologies, but I am still wafting aimlessly, and playing around with my curtains/windows as per my last post. It is exhausting.

And, speaking of my last post, Mr Mags enquired about the background paper that I use in my collage photographs. It is this:-

Back in 2012, or thereabouts, I decided it would be a challenge to paint some text from my favourite book – a book that always makes me laugh until tears are streaming down my cheeks and I am reduced to a hiccuping mess on the floor. It is this book:-


I originally bought it for my Dad when I was about 10, and didn’t quite understand it like I understand it today. It is a collection of misprints from the world’s press. And I can’t even read the cover without snorting and getting a stitch in my side.

The clipping I was trying to paint was this one:-

I will zoom in…

I was trying to paint it so that I captured the print quality, and failed miserably. Sadly, today’s press is digital and therefore news-sites are less likely to make such comical errors, however this didn’t stop me from reading this morning that Unicorns Warn on Cost of Living Crisis….

A tune, I think, with a seventies vibe…

Hot and Bothered

It has been too hot to do anything other than to waft about in loose clothing opening and closing windows as per instructions via the BBC weather people. Open a window during the wrong part of the day [God forbid] and there is the threat of being turned into something resembling a dry roasted peanut, or such like. Anyhows, this week has been tropical in Devon, despite appearances….

But thankfully it is fresher and a lot less humid today.

I have a nagging thought that I’m supposed to be taking pictures of my garden for the Great Blogging Gardening Competition 2022. I am also supposed to be supplying Melanie with a picture of a tree, and of a secret path. I must remember to do these things.

I do have this picture of my very first family garden that I can’t resist publishing before Mr Devine’s big event….

I have no idea why my aunt is wearing heels to weed, nor why my mother saw fit to wear slippers to use the concrete roller thingy. This is the only time I’ve seen the concrete roller thingy in action – as a child I used to climb on it to try to see over the big fence at the end of the garden [not the same garden or big fence as in this pic]. I think this picture only serves to underline the eccentric nature of the Blue family – see what I had to grow up with!!!

Moving on, I have made a couple of collages, the first is for a calligraphy exchange…

using calligraphy scraps in art.

….and the second is not going anywhere….

collage-and-calligraphy

I have made a lot of collages, and most of them get sent away to far off climes, or just down the road, but I am going to keep this one. I will frame it, and I will make more in a similar vein. I have a big one planned that will break copyright laws. Tough. It’ll worth it.

Next week [or the week after?]: Scarlet makes merry with a scalpel and some gold leaf. And also takes more photos.

A bit of sky….

Oh my goodness, I have posted nothing since May! How did this happen? I apologise. I have been busy perfecting being lazy by sitting on my sofa doing absolutely nothing other than complaining about the weather and worrying about the state of the world.
I can do nothing about the world. Or the weather.

BUT….it seems, I CAN take photographs of the sky….

From dark and brooding….

April…

…to mysterious…

…clearing to blue…

And let us not forget the ground under my feet….

From lush green….

….to meadow flowers…

…and a swathe of yellow!

I will try harder in July to bring you uplifting posts – yes, hopefully more than one post!!
I have Pierce Brosnan in the wings; something a little Scottish; some calligraphy; and maybe a lot more hot air.

Tough But Gentle Too…… [2022 Edition]

Ihave often wondered what it would be like to be a mum. According to Persil being a mum involves doing a lot of laundry, and not being able to afford pretty hats. Persil’s centenary ad [2007] features Marion, a single mother of two sons, and five daughters. Marion has just been mugged for the last packet of Birds Eye fish fingers and she is now lying prostrate in the washing powder aisle in Asda; her whole life is flickering before her like a series of old TV commercials.
Marion’s five daughters never needed much care – they never got grubby, and all were born with an innate understanding of intelligent dosing and how to handle excessive foam – it was in their jeans. The girls were neatly washed and scrubbed and dispensed out into the world shortly after their fourteenth birthdays. Unfortunately, Marion’s two sons, now 45 and 48 respectively, still live at home, and neither has the ability to set foot outside the house without being covered in mud/strawberry milkshake/banana/Bacardi/lipstick or baby oil. And, even though both became quantum physicists, neither have ever mastered the art of how to pour Persil into the soap powder drawer. Instead they have learnt that the laundry room is out of bounds – it is their mother’s secret, private, place where they must never venture – curiosity may leave them badly scolded.
Marion is tough but gentle and knows where, and how, to seek Comfort. Sometimes late at night the ‘boys’ hear the rumbling of the much loved washing machine accompanied by their mother’s squeals of delight as she deals with stain after stain whilst also making good use of the extra spin cycle.
Regaining consciousness, Marion smiles to herself… to hell with pretty hats…. the rewards of motherhood come thick and fast depending on the washing program.

First published on The Scarlet Blue Archive 13th May 2009 – edited and revised 2022

Attention….Attention!!!!!!

Well how bloody quiet is it in my blog reader????? The only person making a daily effort is dear Jon! Nick pops up once or twice a week, but the rest of us are a complete blogging shambles – we are flickering in and out of the Blogosphere like a dying candelabra, and we are about to be snuffed out if we are not careful.

I will try to make amends. Since January I have made a few collages, including this one that has finally reached Maddie….

….I wasn’t sure if it was going to arrive – I send these collages out there never knowing for sure if they’ll reach the intended target. I’m pleased this one did as it’s one of my favourites.

And for my Copperplate Special Interest Group recipients, I sent the following….

….a self involved madam….

….a potential murder suspect….

….and an unbroken ink bottle….

….with added flashy calligraphy.

Obviously some of these little narratives are more melodramatic than others. I am liking the ink bottle for being short and sweet and for not meriting the need to feature in a novel.
I hope my CSIG friends don’t find my offerings too peculiar!

In other news: It is Spring. It is warming up. I have shaved my legs. I will be back on Sunday to share something riveting and not to be missed – though I haven’t yet made up my mind what that will be.

All Because the Lady Loves…. [2022 Edition]

Some women have it all. They spend their days reclining on plush sofas wearing silk pyjamas, taking selfies for their Instagram feeds, and testing a limitless supply of premium anti-ageing products sent to them by marketing departments in high end stores. If that isn’t enough, they also have gentleman callers dropping at their feet. One such woman is Debbie Von Arlington-Grange who lives in six bedroom neo-Georgian barn conversion, known as ‘Rose Cottage’, just down wind of the Dartford tunnel. She also has a luxury yacht called ‘Hello Dolly’ moored at Dover with obvious Russian connections.
Here we see gentleman caller, Kevoff, desperately trying to keep Debbie sweet. He fearlessly dives off the white cliffs into the shark infested waters of the English Channel. He swims to Debbie’s yacht, climbs aboard, and delivers a perfectly wrapped box of Cadbury’s Milk Tray. Then, without so much as a nibble on a coffee cream, Debbie sends him packing.
Why? Because firstly he didn’t text to inform her of his impending arrival, and furthermore, because he forgot the Champagne, flowers, and the 65″ widescreen TV she wanted; he also forgot her dairy intolerance; and that she prefers Black Magic. To add insult to grievance, he then proceeded to make a soggy mess all over her pink shag pile carpet, AND, quite frankly, she is weary of him trying to convince people that there are sharks in the English Channel.
You’ll be pleased to know that I’m not as high maintenance as Debbie. I enjoy the simple pleasures in life; I don’t have a yacht – I’m quite at home on a lilo, and after a Moscow Mule or two, I might be persuaded to share my strawberry creams, and soft centres, so long as the ironing’s done.

Actually, I am probably more high maintenance than Debbie. Please bring me Lindt chocolate [don’t expect me to share it], and a bottle of whiskey. And what is all this nonsense about a lilo??? AND ironing???

First published on The Scarlet Blue Archive 12th February 2009
Revised and heavily edited in 2022.

Next week: Debbie does Dymchurch.