Merry MishMash!!!!

R

emember when I said that I would publish this old post every Christmas Eve to herald the festivities? No, I forgot as well, and didn’t bother with it last year – but this year I will! How thrilling for you!

I really am spoiling you…

Here we see Darren. He is hoping to be selected as an ambassador for the Littlehampton Confectionery Display Team. He is submitting one of the finest examples of his work in their annual ‘Exposure’ competition. It’s a rather grand affair held in a disused caravan park close to Southend pier, where display enthusiasts come from far and wide to exhibit their elaborate confection. For example, competitor Annie has flown in from Amsterdam and has done something gratuitous with a fudge finger fan, whilst Gavin from Gateshead [the winner in 2006] has been imaginative with a Toffee Crisp and an artfully adapted 12 inch Twirl; Maggie, a mother of three [the winner in 1908, but never since] has chosen a minimalist/conceptual approach – her piece is entitled ‘Red Smartie with Toothpick’.

So far the judges have been less than impressed with the entrées, but Darren is confident that he can lick his rivals. Darren has a secret, he has big balls, golden balls, and he knows how to use them. He waits in the wings as poor Simon, a professional kitchen fitter from Stevenage, sobs and stumbles from the judging panel after his Sherbert Fountain fails to font whilst his Lion Bar goes limp.

Darren feels the tension rising – his moment has arrived, he takes a deep breath and walks into the spotlight. His golden balls are piled high upon a silver platter creating a sophisticated yet captivating display that brings the essence of Egypt to Essex. Darren stands proud. It has only taken a smidgeon of superglue to keep everything erect.

Alas, Darren is unaware of the envious Maggie who will do anything to win, and from the wings she gives Darren an almighty shove sending his nutty nibbles into orbit to splatter down upon the judges heads. Horrified, Judge Erica picks golden nuts from her hair, and exclaims, ‘With your display you are soiling us!’.

Darren hangs his head in shame, but he is not downhearted. There is always next year when he is planning an ambitious assemblage with Annie, they are hoping to cause an extravagance of good taste with 16 Curly Wurlys, several Walnut Whips, and a discounted New York Cheesecake from Aldi.

First published on the Scarlet Blue Archive 8th January 2010 12:45 BST

40 thoughts on “Merry MishMash!!!!

  1. dinahmow

    Oh! Daaarling! Yer’ve gone an’ done it again! Bless you!
    Dear gods in wherever their Valhalla is! I love this. Today as much as when you first posted it. Oh, blogging was such fun then! Bring back the Darrens and Maggies! Oh, yes…have a Happy Dingleberry Tree.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Scarlet Post author

      Awww… thank you, Dinah! I wish I could still write these little whimsies, but I no longer seem to have the wit or wherewithal! Yep, blogging in the old days was a special time.
      Merry Christmas, Sweetie!!
      Sx

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  2. Jon

    Love it! Enormous golden balls certainly do bring “the essence of Egypt” to Essex, Mogwash, Rotterdam or anywhere. It’s that slight sense of impending diabetes that lingers over this party that always brings a warm glow at this time of year… Jx

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. Inexplicable Device

    I am thrilled. And spoiled!

    This is the post that keeps on giving. So much so that it spawned a Year of Ferrero Rochering Dangerously, beginning (almost) with your birthday back in March 2020!

    And remember everyone: Ferrero Rocher are for life, not just Christmas.

    Speaking of: Merry Christmas, Ms Scarlet!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
      1. Scarlet Post author

        No, Melanie!!! You have this all back to front, upside down, and round the corner!!!! Mr Devine’s love of this post is HIS Ferrero Rocher inspiration!!!! It’s ME you love!!! Not Mr Devine. Never mind. Carry on. I suppose it must be witchcraft for you to have come to this conclusion – Mr Devine is a clever wee stick.
        SXX

        Liked by 1 person

      2. melaniereynolds

        I do love you Ms Scarlet, of course I do! I was not aware that my love for you and IDV was topsy turvy but it matters not a whit in the grand scheme of things! It must be that quantum entanglement theory Einstein was going on about.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Inexplicable Device

        Oof! Sorry I’m late. I found myself rather tangled up in something quantumy. And even though I’m here now, I’m also there. And someone’s left a box floating around with a cat in it. Probably…

        Anyway, yes, this post is my reason for Rochering, and we ALL love Ms Scarlet (and not me, as I’m too lazy/prickly/contrary/intent on the Ferrero Rocher – delete as applicable)

        Liked by 2 people

      4. Scarlet Post author

        Fly like the wind, Mr Devine, save the kitty!! Someone’s also left a cake out in the rain, I don’t think that I can take it, cos it took so long to bake it, etc, etc.
        Yes, I have gone off on a tangent as I am not quite drunk enough to use the L word for all my wonderful commenters. But of course we all L you!! And you are not as lazy as me – I am in a league of my own. I aspire to be as productive as Jon. Sigh.
        Happy New Year!!
        Sxxx

        Like

  4. Mitzi

    Ferrero Rocher jenga and golden dangling balls what more could you ask for? I once spent 5 days in Stevenage, least said, soonest mended.

    Merry Christmas Scarlet I hope you’re having a good one!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
      1. Scarlet Post author

        Jon – Oh, of course, Stevenage is one of the ‘new towns’ isn’t it?! I forgot. The only one I remember visiting is Milton Keynes – as Mitzi said least said, etc!
        Sx

        Like

  5. Nick Rogers

    I expect to be instantly blackballed for preferring Lindt truffles to Ferrero Rocher. Such insolence! Such bad taste! I hope Maggie gets her come-uppance. Perhaps she’ll choke on a Ferrero Rocher and die while she’s waiting 4 hours for an ambulance.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Scarlet Post author

      Harsh to Maggie, but fair!! I think Ferrero Rocher are as sophisticated as earrings from Ratners. I too prefer Lindt, but have you tried Hotel Chocolat?
      Merry Christmas, Nick!
      Sx

      Like

      Reply
  6. melaniereynolds

    IDV has corrupted Ferrero Rocher for me, and with you as well it seems; that we cannot think of them without thinking of him. It’s a mnemonic association. Throw in some foxes for me next year, Ms Scarlet. I think they should be my mnemonic association. And what will yours be? Cute little terriers, perhaps? A flying bathmat? Oh yes, duh! Calligraphy!!!!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  7. Scarlet Post author

    Melanie – See my reply above regarding the origin of the Ferrero Rocher inspiration!!!
    Meanwhile, I will make a note to write a post alluding to an Army of Foxes next year!
    Sx

    Like

    Reply
  8. lisleman

    “…the essence of Egypt to Essex” – oh I like it. I’m very glad you dusted it off for another show. I hope your Christmas was enjoyable with extra chocolate. You create good background stories with the old adverts.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Scarlet Post author

      Bill – It’ll be out for another airing in 2024, when we’ve all forgotten about it.
      I really ought to write some new advert posts, but I only seem to manage about one a year!
      Christmas was nice, thank you, plenty of chocolate!
      Sxx

      Like

      Reply
  9. looby

    It’s never easy keeping everything erect. In fact I’m starting to feel a bit envious of my money tree, which is a firmly upwardly-mobile four inches of virile sap.

    But I’m very glad you’ve kept this blog up for another year Miss S, and I wish you and all the readers and commenters a very happy New Year.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Scarlet Post author

      In another life [about a decade ago] I would have snuffled all the savouries, including Wotsits AND sausage rolls!! Sadly, I can’t get away with that anymore. Sob.
      BUT, Happy New Year, dear Mistress!!!
      Sxxx

      Like

      Reply

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