A Trail of Splinters….

Charmaine glared up at me, her eyes glowing from a small dark hole in the floor, which we referred to as the cellar, but was actually just a small dark hole in the floor capable of concealing two bodies, or Charmaine.

‘Why have you stopped writing The Sunday Ketchup?’ She hissed.

I shrugged. It was a fair question.

‘Am bored with it; nothing has happened; and I don’t like the word ‘Ketchup’,’ I replied, ‘it’s so Daily Mail.’

Charmaine heaved her way up through the floor and stood in front of my desk dusting herself down.

‘That’s ridiculous, Aunt Scarlet! Just post some pictures! Any pictures!’

And then she stomped off, leaving a trail of splinters in her wake and forgetting to lay the rug back over the hole.

It was true, I did have pictures, but I had no words. The best I could find from my very secret journal was: I think Estee Lauder discontinued Double Wear Light foundation because a little went a long way, hence it wasn’t generating enough repeat buys often enough – that’s my theory. Bastards.

I had written few emails, and the best line I could find was: My walks are fairly long for someone with short legs.

By comparison my calligraphy practice had taken an inventive turn:-

I had also thought ahead regarding The Great Gardening Blogging Event 2022, and had taken a photograph of some Snowdrops:-

AND, I had been sorting through my mother’s old knitting patterns in view of using them for future collages, and I’d found this:-

Maybe Charmaine was right, I did have enough content to make a post. All I had to do now was to spin it together and make some sense of it all….without using the word ‘ketchup’.

Next week: Will Aunt Scarlet write something more interesting? Will her calligraphy become legible? Will she trip on a misplaced rug and fall down a hole? Or will she see sense, stop trying to write sentences, and simply slap up pictures from knitting patterns instead? All will be revealed in the next enthralling post on Wonky Words! Bet you can’t wait.

56 thoughts on “A Trail of Splinters….

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Dinah – I know!! This exciting blog post has exceeded your wildest ideas of blog posts…. Oh, you have left another comment….
      Meanwhile, please explain whether it was the crochet patterns that made the recipients no longer friends, or did you mean they were simply people you’d lost touch with and you were trying to reconnect?
      Sx

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  1. 63mago

    Who lives in the hole in the ground ? A yellow zebra ? Her Ladyship in person ? Why a Lady Ship – and not a lady Coach ? Questions abound, indeed !
    Dinahmow proves that living in the future is hard.

    Liked by 3 people

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Jon – Please let me know how the phrase goes down! I’m sure the gerbils will liven up the meeting.
      I remember Micheal Rodd, and would’ve loved to have gone on Screen Test, so much more fun than Ask the Family – which I think had maths questions.
      I thought that my woolly man had the look of David Cameron?
      Sx

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      1. Scarlet Post author

        Dinah – David Cameron has been in the press lately and has been accused of being a sartorial slob. This cardie would sort him out! I don’t think he has any balls?
        Sx

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      1. Scarlet Post author

        Heliodora is a municipality in the state of Minas Gerais in the Southeast region of Brazil.
        Well, this blog teaches me something new every time I post!
        Sx

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  2. batarde

    You’ve moved Charmaine from the penthouse to the mezzanine, eh? Capital idea, less strain on the structural members. Do pass on a cheery “what ho”, won’t you? My yellow zebra hasn’t arrived yet, by the way, but the post has been a bit buggered of late.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Mr Batarde – Please don’t panic me with words such as ‘hasn’t arrived’ – for a horrible moment I thought I’d already missed a birthday this year.
      Charmaine is waving from her hole. And yes, she has some lockdown weight to shift and had to be installed on the ground floor so as to protect the rafters. It won’t be for long because she is on the one carrot a day diet – she will be sent back to the attic soon, as she is getting under my feet.
      Sx

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  3. Pingback: AN EXCITING POST. | Moreidlethoughts Weblog

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Savvy – To be fair if it hadn’t been for the FGES compo I would have missed the entire month of January as well. It’s not a bad thing to miss – January is dismal – February is more hopeful.
      I love a design show! I don’t blame you!
      Sx

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Ms Mistress – I kind of hope not! I hope he remains buttoned up. However, there are more knitting pattern pictures waiting in the wings to delight and entertain.
      Sx

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  4. Nick Gravity

    Thinks, must not use the word ketchup under any circumstances. It’s frightfully vulgar. I shall use the word snowdrops instead, as in “could you please pass the snowdrops.”

    I seem to remember the dashing gent from one of your old posts. But his hair is so perfectly arranged it looks like a wig. Just suppose in the midst of passionate clutchings his wig fell off. How embarrassing would that be?

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Mr Gravity – I think the gentleman’s image has been touched up with a paintbrush because he looks slightly unreal, and his hair is perfectly coifed. I don’t think he is designed for passion. He is designed for woollens!
      Sx

      Liked by 1 person

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  5. lisleman

    A very enthralling post! Long walks by a person with short legs should be added to the Olympics. Just a suggestion, avoid sliding on those splinters.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Scarlet Post author

      Bill – Thank you! I try to cram a lot in! An Olympic sport – yes, suitable for both Summer and Winter! More worried about the hole than the splinters.
      Sx

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  6. melaniereynolds

    For some people a post of only one picture and no words still counts as a “post”, so why not? No need to overcomplicate things for yourself! (Advice I really need to take to heart.) Of course, then we would miss the funny quips that lie here within. Maybe your next post should be asking for ideas on something more inspiring than using “ketchup”? I get absconded by fairies every week. It’s a modern miracle that I get anything done!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Mels – I’m not sure I ever get much done! Today went swiftly downhill after the dog was sick, followed by me squirting too many ear drops in my ear, which has caused an unpleasant blocked sensation and has made eating a loud experience. I hope it sorts itself out.
      I think I will return to random titles. I like random.
      Sx

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. melaniereynolds

        I wish I had seen this sooner, one good way to clear your ear is tilt your offending ear to the ground and use a hairdryer to gently blow into it. The gravity plus the warm help drain things out, warm and melt and buildup. This always works most of time for me and my son for both Swimmer’s ear and earaches. Another is to assume the same position but to use a hot washcloth. If I have to do this, then I lay down and hold my hand there to keep the washcloth from getting my pillow wet.

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  7. Mitzi

    I was offered some ‘ketchup’ to go with my ‘chipped potatoes’ yesterday, this was in a cafe in Harrogate.
    The knitting pattern man’s bouffant hairdo is very popular with the hipster brigade.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Mitzi – Harrogate is rather posh, was sauce off the menu?
      We don’t have hipsters in North Devon, they are probably in Totnes, which has aspirations of being New Age and alternative.
      Sx

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      1. Mitzi

        I wouldn’t call it posh as it doesn’t have a John Lewis and I saw two beggars! You mainly get the Trilby and Tweed brigade there, you know the types, they call their dorgs Isabella and Jasper and live in genteel squalor like Giles and Mary from Gogglebox. When I was seated in a tea shop my maid of all work went to spend a penny, just only went so she can tell people that she had a shit in Betty’s tearoom, vulgar cow! When she returned she said she’s been talking to an actress who used to be in Howard’s Way but she couldn’t remember her name, she hasn’t worked in years and has recently been offered to do something with Nigel Havers. I bet she says that to everyone. She pointed her out to me but I didn’t know her from a bar of soap.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Scarlet Post author

        Mitzi – Also, Howard’s Way was dreary Sunday teatime fare – not a patch on The Onedin Line – and HW was a sort of financial programme where everyone was needing huge sums of money to launch exotic yachts, and they were all about to go bankrupt.
        Maybe it was Jan Harvey in the loo?
        I might start telling people that I once appeared in Howard’s Way – who would remember?
        Sx

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  8. Inexplicable Device

    You may think you’re suffering from deja vu, but Roland Rat’s friend Kevin the Gerbil is the only famous gerbil I can think of. But which Duncan is doing the ejecting – Goodhew? Norvelle? And from where?!?

    Also, thank you – your snowdrops and mention of “The Great Gardening Blogging Event 2022” have reminded me that I need to post something about a theme for part of this year’s aforemention Event!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Mr Devine – Kevin the Gerbil, now there’s a blast from the past! Surely there are other famous gerbils? There are so many of them, after all. Probably not so many Famous Duncans though. Where did all the Duncans go? Let us not ponder the ejection query.

      A theme? For the gardening event?? Isn’t the theme: gardening???!
      I shall look forward to your post.
      Sx

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Yep, it’s been a little gusty, but all is well – still have electricity and can still heat up a can of soup, what’s not to love?!
      Sx
      P.S Thank you for your concern.

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  9. Scarlet Post author

    Lulu – We had no power from 9.45am Saturday, until about 4.40pm Sunday – it was an experience. We got the router working from a car battery and an inverter – priorities eh?
    Sx

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  10. Nick Gravity

    The golfing gent in the chubby wool jumper must be getting very bored as he faces yet another day staring into space and clutching his golf clubs to make sure they don’t run away. I think a new golfing gent is called for.

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