A Bit……

….bollocks!!! Goodness me!! Yes, the weather could be better, but the trampolines have now been rounded up and are resting and rusting in a corner of the garden. Such a relief that they are no longer terrorising the wildlife, and Mrs Johnson.

I STILL have a cold. I have been self isolating, hence I have been unable to visit any blogs. During my isolation I have turned my calligraphy studio into a laboratory in an effort to find a defence against all the viral nasties that have been circulating this winter. Later today I will be conducting the first of many experiments on my niece, Charmaine [she does not know this yet as she has been self isolating up in the attic for the past 2 years]. Research tells me that vinegar and peppermint have antiviral properties so I intend to spray Charmaine liberally with my homemade vinegar/peppermint preparation and then vigorously sneeze on her. I will chart her reaction over the coming days. If she begins to look feverish I will add gin. To everything.

Meanwhile, tomorrow is my birthday!!!!! Yay!!!! Which might put me in a higher risk category for death and such like. Damn it. But I will not worry as I have soap, water, vinegar, peppermint, loo paper, and, my personal favourite – whiskey.

Anyhow, as it is my birthday, and to cheer the mood in preparation for the zombie apocalypse, here is a tune – proving that there are better things to do in the supermarket than panic buy.

36 thoughts on “A Bit……

  1. Jon

    Happy Birthday, Ms Scarlet! I don’t think gin and vinegar would taste very good, but I might raise a toast of whisky and peppermint in your honour. Cheers!

    There. That sorted that virus (and Charmaine) out, didn’t it?

    Jx

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  2. Scarlet Post author

    Jon – Whisky and peppermint in warm milk with chocolate sprinkles, now I might try that.
    It’s about time Charmaine started earning her keep again – and what better way than as a lab rat?!
    Sx

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  3. nick

    Vinegar and peppermint, eh? I shall bulk-manufacture straightaway and sell it to all those deranged panic buyers at vastly inflated prices. As for Charmaine, I heard she doesn’t believe in anti-virus potions and firmly believes the Lord Above will keep her safe from the Chinese lurgy.

    Dancing your way round the supermarket is the only way to shop. I did it for years but had to stop after I accidentally knocked down an eighty-year-old granny who was picking up some cat food.

    I hope you have an absolutely spiffing birthday. Another 12 days and it’s my own birthday. We’re still struggling to get 73 candles on the cake.

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  4. Scarlet Post author

    Nick – I have ALL the vinegar and peppermint!!!! And it is I who will become rich through making the antiviral preparations with my secret recipe [mad pantomime villain laugh]. Oh. Alright then, the not so secret recipe.
    The only Lord that Charmaine is interested in is one with a lot of money. She has simple goals.
    Sx

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  5. Mistress Borghese

    Well Happy Birthday darling!!!! What a way to spend it!!!! But just as well you get well, and isolate yourself. The last thing you need is to go and visit the Infomaniac Manor. With no on there lately, lord only knows what you may catch in that unkempt dump. what with the ruminants of left party seeds and such.

    I finally came out of hibernation myself and took a long winter break. I thought of you yesterday as I got back out. I was in New Hope and captured a picture I think you’d like it. I will try to post it later today.

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      I did indeed appreciate the ducks, Mistress B!! I am worried about MJ, she is not keen on germs and suchlike at the best of times, I hope she is okay.
      Sx

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  6. lisleman

    I enjoyed that video. Now we know how to use the quarantined-impacted empty shops. Make viral videos. We could broadcast cart races in the produce section.
    I don’t know if you heard about the DIY hand sanitizer internet story using vodka. The end result is don’t rub vodka or any drinkable spirits on your skin. Their alcohol concentration is too low and are not effective. So don’t waste the gin, whiskey, etc. on your skin. Drink it and go make a viral video.

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Bill – I know, it probably is a better idea to drink the alcohol. I have been imbibing since last Wednesday, though I think it’s given me a headache.
      Have you ever watched Supermarket Sweep? Is there a version of it in the US? It’s sort of panic buying for entertainment – I think you would be amused.
      Sx

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  7. Inexplicable DeVice

    Aren’t whisky and mint the ingredients for a mint julep? I don’t know where I’m going with this as it just popped into my head.

    In more coherent matters, I have just finished putting the finishing touches to your birthday post (and our latest Over The Cusp adventure). It just needs 6 hours or so on gas mark 4 then it’ll be ready for general consumption.

    Happy birthday for tomorrow!

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Mr Devine – Thank you for your glorious post!!!! I am not worthy!
      Meanwhile, I think I ought to look up Mint Julep – I have always wondered what was in it.
      Sx

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    2. Inexplicable DeVice

      I’m not entirely certain of the ingredients, but I have vague recollections of Dr McCoy drinking mint juleps on the Enterprise! Presumably not while he was on duty…

      And as for the post: you’re more than welcome! I have such fun twisting the stories to keep up with our shenannigans, so I’m glad you like it/them.

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      1. Scarlet Post author

        I think you should put the stories together in a little book – they are a labour of love and I enjoy them so much. Thank you!
        Sx

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  8. dinahmow

    Wow! A birthday.Too late for me to catch a postman…I shall see what I can do wi’ t’internet.
    Oh, by the way, I think I have the recipe, somewhere, for Four Thieves Vinegar.It kept the thieves safe during the Black Death so might work on this current virus.But until it’s proven, stick with 60%+ alcohol. Mine’s rubbing alcohol and you should be able to get it at the (whispers in case panic buyers are eaves-dropping…)supermarket.
    Of course, I was slightly ahead of the game, having to wipe down taps and door knobs so my shingles didn’t infect The Man!
    Happy Birthday!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Dinah – I am getting in a muddle with the wiping and re-wiping. Four Thieves vinegar – I will look it up.
      I have rubbing alcohol! Otherwise known as Surgical Spirit. I think I am well prepared for the time being. If anybody wants some Baxter’s Carrot and Coriander soup, then I have it all.
      Sx

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      1. Scarlet Post author

        Thanks for the link, Dinah! I love these old recipes. Talking of garlic, my supermarket had run out of chopped frozen onion. Damn it. Does this mean I have to start chopping onions myself????? Appalling.
        Sx

        Liked by 1 person

  9. llcooljoe

    I used to play this at gigs all the time but haven’t recently but I must it’s a bit of a classic now. Happy Birthday to you! I’ve been fighting off a bug in the last couple of weeks, and I’m just hoping it’s not Covid-19. Get well soon. Enjoy the gin.

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  10. Scarlet Post author

    I hope you get better soon, Joey. I am fed up with the bug I have – it’s been lingering since the beginning of February.
    I love this tune! How can people not dance when they hear it?!
    Sx

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Thank you, darling Mr Mags!! Have you read Mr Devine’s panto post?? It is fabulous. I am seeing off the bug with copious amounts of whiskey 🙂 Sxx

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  11. looby

    A very happy birthday Ms Scarlet. I read yesterday that a few volinteers are being paid 3.5K to be infected wth the lergy in order to help find a vaccine. I’d ave leapt at the chance to do this but apparently you have to be one of The Chosen Few. In the meantime I hope your homemade potion has proved efficacious. Here;s to another candle on the cake.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Tsk, Looby. You are better off not being chosen, obviously it’s better to be a purveyor of fine paper products during these times. Anyhow, I’m sure you’ll be fine as I reckon you are over 70% proof.
      Sx

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      …am thinking of banning Mr Blue from the kitchen, Dinah. Everyone will be safer that way. Tsk. He can break china just by looking at it. Tsk.
      Sx

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  12. Mitzi

    Happy belated birthday!

    I go away for a fortnight and come back to find no toilet paper on the shelves at Tesco, tins of boiled potatoes are limited to 5 tins per customer and no dried pasta!

    Equal measures of rubbing alcohol and water in a spray bottle will eliminate any nastiness in the air and it brings a lovely shine to Easter flowering cacti too.

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Thank you for the tip, Mitzi – I shall do that with my rubbing alcohol.
      Meanwhile – QUESTIONS!!! Where have you been? Did you have bother getting home?? Do you have a cough? Did you bring back pressies?
      I have had this flipping bug for flipping ages, but don’t have a cough.
      Sx

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  13. Mitzi

    Arrived at Doncaster from Malaga Thursday afternoon, there was no debriefing by airport officials everything was as normal, I was looking forward to a quick exploratory behind the curtain, when I called in on my mother yesterday she made me wait on the doorstep whilst she fetched fetched the thermometer, the one with the blue light and a device for testing your oxygen levels, then I was given alcohol get before she let me in and then when seated with a cup of tea, out came her blood pressure machine.
    Body tempreture 36.2
    Oxgen levels 98/68
    blood pressure 122/62 (I was surprised it was’t higher)

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  14. Mitzi

    I wrote fetched twice, that’s when I turned the TV over from ‘Wanted Down Under’ (I hate that programme, smug card twiddling bastards) to Griff’s Australian Adventure.

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  15. Scarlet Post author

    Mitzi – I want your mum’s blood pressure machine – it sounds like an impressive piece of kit! Sounds like she has been watching the rolling news channels.
    Anyhow, I am glad you are home, now you can indulge in a daytime telly binge – I can recommend Classic Coronation Street, which is up to the point where Deirdre has just become Mrs Raschid, and Classic Holby City, which I missed the first time round. Who needs Netflix?!
    Sx

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