Here we see Louise, she’s been feeling a bit dowdy lately having recently been dumped by her boyfriend; for the past week she’s been holed up in her bedroom scoffing chocolate and peanut butter sandwiches. She’s also been devouring self-help books, her two favourites being, ‘How To Get More Than Even’ and ‘Men Are From An Entirely Different Planet Altogether’. To cheer herself up, and to help her face the world again, Louise has decided that she needs a make-over. It only takes five hours, three boxes of Nice’n Easy Natural Baby Blonde, and forty-five ruined towels to turn Louise’s mousy brown locks into a brillo pad of ginger. Louise sobs, wishing she’d done a strand test first as per the instructions on the box, but who ever does? She spends the rest of the evening drinking neat gin and avoiding her reflection in the mirror. In the morning she awakes, still slightly sloshed, but remembers that her Dad keeps a selection of wigs in his dressing-up box. She chooses ‘The Cher’, in natural nylon – it’s bright red, but what the heck it’s better than the ginger brillo. She tops off her new look with a pink crochet beret. Feeling a shade braver she heads out the door to her local salon, hoping against hope that they can fix the damage. On her way she passes a shoe shop and is transfixed by a pair of red stilettos in the window, but there, looming behind the display, is Catty-Mean-Mouth-Bitch-Face-Fanny – the last person you want to see when you’re feeling less than your best. Louise, still fuelled by gin, whips off her beret and tosses her mane of nylon cherry red hair; she struts into the shop and she buys those shoes [you go girl]. We see her striding up the High Street to the salon like a graceful 7ft pillar box on a trolley, towering over all other pedestrians.
At the salon, Terry, who studied ‘Directional Hair Design with Pubic Topiary’ at Southend Tech, transforms her matted bush of ginger into a halo of golden blonde [amazing what can be achieved with industrial bleach, hair straighteners, and a pot of VO5]. Louise smiles at her reflection in the mirror, and it is in this moment she realises that life is never Nice’n Easy; Louise winks at Terry, and resolves that from now on she’s going to be easy’n nice….
Will Louise be off to the Ophthalmologist next to have something done about those Bette Davis eyes?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mr Lax – Perhaps a visit to her regular doctor would suffice…. maybe her thyroid is playing up?
Sx
LikeLike
Thank goodness for dad’s dressing up box. I gather one of his pencil skirts saved the day on an earlier occasion. And thank goodness for Terry. Directional Hair Design with Pubic Topiary would have given him all the skills he needed. It’s a very gruelling ten-year course and only seven people in the entire UK have made the grade.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Nick – Blimey, you know more about this post than I do!
Sx
LikeLike
They obviously cut the bit where she wipes the smirk off Catty-Mean-Mouth-Bitch-Face-Fanny’s face with the business end of a red stilly… Jx
LikeLiked by 2 people
Jon – They needed to get a 12 certification for this movie blockbuster. They also cut the zombies and the strip club scene.
Sx
LikeLike
D’you know, I’ve long fancied trying my hand at topiary … public, private, doesn’t matter. Clipping a bush into a pleasingly decorative sort of design must be jolly satisfying wouldn’t you say? Demands concentration though I shouldn’t wonder so maybe it’s not the thing for me – one wayward snip could spell disaster.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mr Batarde – Also, best to practice on somebody else to avoid unnecessary itching and pink ointment.
I have some bush type things along my driveway….. I AM TALKING ABOUT A CONCRETE DRIVEWAY…… I give up…. no I don’t….. next year I am going to craft my bushes into something elegant. There will be pictures.
Sx
LikeLike
Great explanation of the ad. Lately, I see more ads that just don’t make sense to me at all. I’m not surprised. Ads reflect the generational differences. Also, my opinions/tastes differ from many people no matter what their generation category.
Those car ads showing animated cars make no sense. Are people buying a car or a cartoon.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bill – Car ads never make sense. They are ripe for a narrative – along with perfume ads, and bakery products. I hope to write further explanations for everything next year!
Sx
LikeLike
Great blast from the past there, song and ad – ads never make any sense to me without your explanations – thanks for that xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Lulu!!
I hope to explain more of the unexplainable next year…. but I am going to pass on Brexit and Donald Trump.
Sx
LikeLike
Ahhh…took me back to the days of the Ferrero Rocher.
I vote for a re-run of your oldies. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dinah – Have you been reading my notebook entitled: My Very Secret Plan for 2019 Blog Posts?
Sx
LikeLiked by 1 person
VO5! Lol! I haven’t heard that in a long time. I like bitch-face Melania Trump in the store. I wonder what her directorial instructions were? Happiness via a pair of shoes. It’s the oldest lie in the docket.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Monsieur Pain – Happiness via a pair of shoes is no lie!!!!! Trust me!! I have pairs that I never wear, but I get joy from looking at them. Yes, I am that shallow.
Sx
LikeLike
Terry’s not at the HHoF, that’s for sure. Nor at this infamous “House of Beauty” …
Wonders of residual alcohol – but I feel that Louise has not fully finished her path of re-invention, while new hair and stilettos (& Daddy’s nylons) surely is a great (and courageous) start. Additionally she could consider a switch from gin to vodka ? New nail polish and a ballet class, perhaps some self-help courses (“Graceful Walking for Beginners”, “Vodka & Upright”) should round the hopeful adventure.
I am glad and thankful that you explain the world to me !
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Vodka and upright” In those shoes??? 😉
LikeLike
Mr Mags – Louise does indeed switch to vodka, whisky, eggnog and other major cocktails….and, against all odds, she manages to save the world with nothing more than a tray of cupcakes and a tea urn on a trolley.
Sx
LikeLike
I’m currently watching a Netflix series “House of Flowers”. Louise sounds like one of their characters. Melodrama can be fun, can’t it?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Kylie – Thank you!!! I’ve been looking for a new series to watch on Netflix so I will plug myself into House of Flowers!
Sx
LikeLike
Louise learnt a hard lesson there, and with the help of Terry managed to transcend what could have been a debilitating existential crisis. I must make an appointment… X
LikeLiked by 1 person
Eryl – My hairdresser is always saving me from a debilitating existential crisis!!! Worth her weight in gold.
Sx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Those shoes worried me. I thought a discrete pair of helium filled balloons fixed under her armpits might stop her falling over and injuring herself without adding too much to her unusual appearance
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mr ducks – I like your thinking. And with the balloons she might be able to getaway with a larger hat, and an Afghan Hound. I really think we should see more Afghan Hounds in adverts.
Sx
LikeLike
Crying with laughter, you crack me up Scarlet xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ms Nibs – My pleasure!!
Sx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very nice. This is actually Rimpy, languishing under yet another pseudonym because some how I messed up my first attempt at a WordPress and can’t re-try under my “real” name for a month.
LikeLike
It could have been much worse, she could have used Sun-in, remember that?
I’ve seen that bitch face look before on a shopgirl at the El Cortes Ingles in Tenerife I unfolded a rather nice cashmere jumper and held it aloft to see if it would fit me and face came along, took the jumper off me, showed me the €109 price and wagged her finger at me. YOUR MANAGER HERE NOW! She shot off like a scolded cat, she must have hid herself away in the stock room because I didn’t see her again or the manager.
LikeLike
Mitzi – I hope you took advantage of the absence of staff and kept a firm grip on the jumper?!
Sun-in was wonderful…. until it turned my hair bright yellow. I loved dying my hair… I wish I still had that old gung-ho spirit I had when I was younger.
Sx
LikeLike