Nice’n’Easy…… [A blast from the past]

Here we see Louise, she’s been feeling a bit dowdy lately having recently been dumped by her boyfriend; for the past week she’s been holed up in her bedroom scoffing chocolate and peanut butter sandwiches. She’s also been devouring self-help books, her two favourites being, ‘How To Get More Than Even’ and ‘Men Are From An Entirely Different Planet Altogether’. To cheer herself up, and to help her face the world again, Louise has decided that she needs a make-over. It only takes five hours, three boxes of Nice’n Easy Natural Baby Blonde, and forty-five ruined towels to turn Louise’s mousy brown locks into a brillo pad of ginger. Louise sobs, wishing she’d done a strand test first as per the instructions on the box, but who ever does? She spends the rest of the evening drinking neat gin and avoiding her reflection in the mirror. In the morning she awakes, still slightly sloshed, but remembers that her Dad keeps a selection of wigs in his dressing-up box. She chooses ‘The Cher’, in natural nylon – it’s bright red, but what the heck it’s better than the ginger brillo. She tops off her new look with a pink crochet beret. Feeling a shade braver she heads out the door to her local salon, hoping against hope that they can fix the damage. On her way she passes a shoe shop and is transfixed by a pair of red stilettos in the window, but there, looming behind the display, is Catty-Mean-Mouth-Bitch-Face-Fanny – the last person you want to see when you’re feeling less than your best. Louise, still fuelled by gin, whips off her beret and tosses her mane of nylon cherry red hair; she struts into the shop and she buys those shoes [you go girl]. We see her striding up the High Street to the salon like a graceful 7ft pillar box on a trolley, towering over all other pedestrians.
At the salon, Terry, who studied ‘Directional Hair Design with Pubic Topiary’ at Southend Tech, transforms her matted bush of ginger into a halo of golden blonde [amazing what can be achieved with industrial bleach, hair straighteners, and a pot of VO5]. Louise smiles at her reflection in the mirror, and it is in this moment she realises that life is never Nice’n Easy; Louise winks at Terry, and resolves that from now on she’s going to be easy’n nice….

30 thoughts on “Nice’n’Easy…… [A blast from the past]

  1. nick

    Thank goodness for dad’s dressing up box. I gather one of his pencil skirts saved the day on an earlier occasion. And thank goodness for Terry. Directional Hair Design with Pubic Topiary would have given him all the skills he needed. It’s a very gruelling ten-year course and only seven people in the entire UK have made the grade.

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  2. batarde

    D’you know, I’ve long fancied trying my hand at topiary … public, private, doesn’t matter. Clipping a bush into a pleasingly decorative sort of design must be jolly satisfying wouldn’t you say? Demands concentration though I shouldn’t wonder so maybe it’s not the thing for me – one wayward snip could spell disaster.

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Mr Batarde – Also, best to practice on somebody else to avoid unnecessary itching and pink ointment.
      I have some bush type things along my driveway….. I AM TALKING ABOUT A CONCRETE DRIVEWAY…… I give up…. no I don’t….. next year I am going to craft my bushes into something elegant. There will be pictures.
      Sx

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  3. lisleman

    Great explanation of the ad. Lately, I see more ads that just don’t make sense to me at all. I’m not surprised. Ads reflect the generational differences. Also, my opinions/tastes differ from many people no matter what their generation category.
    Those car ads showing animated cars make no sense. Are people buying a car or a cartoon.

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Bill – Car ads never make sense. They are ripe for a narrative – along with perfume ads, and bakery products. I hope to write further explanations for everything next year!
      Sx

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Monsieur Pain – Happiness via a pair of shoes is no lie!!!!! Trust me!! I have pairs that I never wear, but I get joy from looking at them. Yes, I am that shallow.
      Sx

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  4. 63mago

    Terry’s not at the HHoF, that’s for sure. Nor at this infamous “House of Beauty” …
    Wonders of residual alcohol – but I feel that Louise has not fully finished her path of re-invention, while new hair and stilettos (& Daddy’s nylons) surely is a great (and courageous) start. Additionally she could consider a switch from gin to vodka ? New nail polish and a ballet class, perhaps some self-help courses (“Graceful Walking for Beginners”, “Vodka & Upright”) should round the hopeful adventure.
    I am glad and thankful that you explain the world to me !

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Mr Mags – Louise does indeed switch to vodka, whisky, eggnog and other major cocktails….and, against all odds, she manages to save the world with nothing more than a tray of cupcakes and a tea urn on a trolley.
      Sx

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Mr ducks – I like your thinking. And with the balloons she might be able to getaway with a larger hat, and an Afghan Hound. I really think we should see more Afghan Hounds in adverts.
      Sx

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  5. spanishtater

    Very nice. This is actually Rimpy, languishing under yet another pseudonym because some how I messed up my first attempt at a WordPress and can’t re-try under my “real” name for a month.

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  6. Mitzi

    It could have been much worse, she could have used Sun-in, remember that?

    I’ve seen that bitch face look before on a shopgirl at the El Cortes Ingles in Tenerife I unfolded a rather nice cashmere jumper and held it aloft to see if it would fit me and face came along, took the jumper off me, showed me the €109 price and wagged her finger at me. YOUR MANAGER HERE NOW! She shot off like a scolded cat, she must have hid herself away in the stock room because I didn’t see her again or the manager.

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    1. Scarlet Post author

      Mitzi – I hope you took advantage of the absence of staff and kept a firm grip on the jumper?!
      Sun-in was wonderful…. until it turned my hair bright yellow. I loved dying my hair… I wish I still had that old gung-ho spirit I had when I was younger.
      Sx

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