Apologies for my tardy, and possibly tawdry felicitations. I have been involved in a minor mishap involving Storm Eleanor, a tree, and a muddy public footpath. The dog was also there, but is a blameless innocent creature. It was my own stupid fault for trying to jump down from the trunk of a fallen tree and misjudging the distance from trunk to ground. I landed badly, twisted my ankle, and possibly caused some damage to my knee. I shall gloss over the part where I nearly passed out in a deserted country lane. I am not one to make a fuss, it’s not like I was going to lay there undiscovered for weeks on end – hell, if the worst came to the worst I could have simply pulled out my smart phone and published a blog post to alert people of my distress, failing that I could have rung the emergency services.
Anyhow, all is well now, other than a twinge in my knee, and I still feel a bit odd. As part of my recovery process I have been propped up on the sofa watching box sets. So far I have watched all seasons of Stranger Things; Feud; and The Tunnel. I have become something of a TV drama addict, so imagine how thrilled I was when Killer Women with Pie appeared on my TV guide….
New Bake Off!!!
What could this be? Could it be a new Bake Off programme featuring female serial killers showing off their soggy bottoms? Or was it about dangerous femme fatales with a weakness for pastry nibbles? Even better, was it a new psychological drama whereby a crusty British detective and his French female counterpart race against time to prevent a batch of mince pies from going stale midway between Folkestone and Calais? Sadly, it was none of these, it was Killer Women with a pasty, patronising geezer. Programme makers please note that Killer Women with Pie had so much more potential.
Happy New Year!!!! Here’s hoping that all major drama in 2018 is fictional and confined to our TV screens!
Wonky Words 
Haaa hahahah! Poor pasty little dude. I wonder what he’ll think when he reads that.
Help is only a blog post away! Outdoorspersons no longer need to pack around dry matches and powdered foodstuffs! I just went out to the back yard carrying only my iPhone and it gave me such a feeling of self-sufficiency!
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Good morning, Amy! Bizarrely, I do usually go out with my pockets full of foodstuffs as Sid the dog likes to have a picnic halfway through our excursion, and he likes bread. I have yet to teach him how to use the iPhone in case I am indisposed. I shall put it on my list of things to teach him along with learning to come when called!
Sx
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I think If it was Killer Women with an actual pie, I would hope it to be hot crust pastry, much more weight to it than your standard shortcrust. Hope you’ve healed properly.Takes ages sometimes. My husband badly sprained his ankle, must be 4/5 weeks ago, he’s still going on about it! Wish I had asked for earplugs from Father Chrismas 😉 xx
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Ms Loopy – I fancied apple pie with sultanas… with a sugary pastry topping… and ice cream…
Anyhow, let me push that thought aside… my knee is still having twinges and I hope it doesn’t get any worse. I would like the pain to be a distant memory in 4/5 weeks!
Sx
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Oh my, that sounds painful. I do hope that you’ll soon be fully recovered and not feeling odd any more. A happy New Year to you, twinges notwithstanding. “Killer Women With Pie” is a title with untold potential: possibilities there for a gravy-curdling subplot to the Great Calligraphy Novel, mayhap?
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I feel cross with myself, Mr Batarde, I shouldn’t have made such a pig’s ear of jumping down… or perhaps I should have turned around and gone back the way I came, which although would have taken much longer, would have saved me a poorly knee. It doesn’t always pay to be lazy 😦
Sx
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Oh dear !
Did Sid run for help ?
And what were the “Most Shocking Moments in Pop” ? Did they re-enact when Ozzy munched on that dove ?
Now recover soon and fully please, have paynekillers a plenty, and rule the world from your sofa.
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Sid barely noticed my predicament, Mr Mags, and just carried on trying to pull my arm out of its socket! Dog walking is like some form of torture.
I have no idea about the Shocking Pop…. probably something to do with wardrobe malfunctions and hair being set on fire… I might have caught bits of it, I think it’s on every night – the same programme over and over again.
I am sort of recovered, other than the twinges, and the odd feeling.
Sx
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Sorry to hear you’ve been poorly, my dear.It must be so aggravating to have to lie on a sofa, watching all that idiocy…
I wonder if the writers of “Killer Women” got the idea from an incident at a football match when pork pies were hurled at supporters of the opposition?
Anyway, I hope you’ll be scampering about with Sid very soon. xx
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I am feeling a little better today, Dinah, the sun is out and it isn’t windy! Leaving me more time to think about pies. And now I fancy a pork pie, but they are lethal when eaten or thrown!
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I regard “Feeling a bit odd” as part of normal life but I’m sorry to hear that you hurt your knee and other bits, plus quite possibly got certain items of clothing muddier than they are familiar with being. I extend my sincere and warmest sympathy to and the various traumatised items of clothing and I hope you all recover very quickly. Lastly, but most importantly, I really do hope 2018 is a super spiffing year for you, full of brilliant treats and risk free holidays xx 🙂
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Thank you, Mr ducks!!
I believe it’s the thought of my clothes getting muddy that prevented me from total collapse – I am that shallow! My jeans copped it, but not my jacket. Last time I wear my best jeans for walking the dog.
Sx
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I have similar thoughts. If I happen to cut myself one my first worries is dripping blood on my clothes.
“Oh stop, before you stab me, please let me remove my shirt. It’s very expensive and clean.” – go ahead and use this in your next Killer Calligraphy novel.
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YIKES!! Glad you’re resting, sweetpea! Injuries to ankles and knees take a long time to heal. I know this from personal experience. xoxo
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It’s not so bad, Savvy. It’s walking uphill that makes it give way! I’m hoping it doesn’t get any worse, I hate being incapacitated.
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If it was cherry pie I’d help those women on their killing spree!
Right. On to more pressing matters: TV and the Ankle. Is this advice to the rest of us who are not watching enough box sets? Sprain an ankle and the remote control is your oyster? This certainly does explain your comment a couple of days ago (could be more. Or less…) about how you found the time to binge watch Stranger Things. By the way, if you’re not already watching it, you should try Dark, too (also on Netflix). It’s like Stranger Things but a bit more grown up. And German. I’m only on episode five at the mo, so if you watch the whole season tonight, don’t spoil it for me!
I hope you mend painlessly and not wonky, but only when you have sated your box set desires!
P.S. Your comments form is only giving me the option of commenting/logging in via WordPress, Twitter or Farcebook. If you’re reading this it means I remembered my WP password…
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Thank you, Mr Devine, I shall add Dark to my watching list. I have a guilty confession: I have almost finished watching Hard Sun on iPlayer – only one episode to go. I have been awful this winter for sofa sitting… but the wood burner is opposite the sofa and it’s so cosy….
Anyhow, WordPress has been weird lately, I will check my settings.
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Ouch! Hoping you’re feeling of oddness fades with each dramatic episode. I rarely watch tv, mostly because the room it’s in is full of the Mr’s junk and it makes me feel queasy so I’ve got out of the habit, but I got quite excited about Killer Women with Pie. Get well soon, X
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I never really got over the thrill of television, Eryl, I’ve been an addict for as long as I can remember, my first ever word being ‘Batman’! I think my mum used the TV as a babysitter for me and the damage was done.
Killer Women with Pie…. I’m thinking B movie classic!
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Given the smutty-sounding programming on 29, I’m wondering if that is The Infomaniac Channel (direct from Canada!)?
Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
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Thank you, Mr Lax!
I believe that Killer Women with Pie escaped from the Infomaniac Channel! It’s the sequel to Killer Women with Cake.
Sx
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Holy moly, woman! I hope you are looking after those damaged joints and that all heals up without issue. I have sprained both ankles, and the left was 10 years ago and it still gives me grief. But it was very bad and I had to wear an air cast for 6 months. But I am sure yours won’t be that bad. Killer women with Pie definitely could have been a killer show! How disappointing. Could have been totally hot serial killers baking fabulous pies… to lure this victims?? 😉
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I feel like I’m falling apart, Ponita!! My knee is still sore, but I’m not limping unless I walk uphill – it can’t cope with the extra pressure – I wish I hadn’t climbed over that tree! I have a very old wrist injury that still gives me grief, plus it’s started clicking every time I twist my arm. Sigh. I am not enjoying the ageing process! There is only one thing to do – eat pie!
Sx
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Sorry to hear about your mishap. I hope you’re recovering well. Enjoy your time off to heal and catch up on tv. I’m glad you survived and have found a pleasant way to pass the time. Any mishap you can walk away alive from is a win. Get well soon. Eat chicken soup!
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Eat pie, Mr Swings, eat pie!!! Or donuts 🙂
And you’re right, I managed to walk away – just! So definitely a win!
Sx
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I wasn’t worried for you…..I’m sure your faithful dog would have gone to fetch help. Glad you survived. May the rest of 2018 bring better tidings.
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Mr Squirrel – Ha Ha!!! I think Sid would have run off to chase rabbits… and possibly squirrels!!
But, yep, I survived.
Happy New Year!
Sx
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Tawdry we can accept. But tardy? Never. See to it next year that we are not made to wait.
Shocked to see the number of U.S.-made shows on your TV guide. We spread our “culture” like a cancer. Hope you’re feeling better.
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I will be on time next year, Monsieur Pain!! It’s a promise!!
I am used to US TV – BUT, I have noticed recently that I am having trouble understanding what US actors are saying and I’m on the brink of switching on subtitles. The Walking Dead is particularly bad, which is odd considering the lead actor is a Brit!
Sx
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Isn’t he an Aussie?
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Andrew Lincoln – Born in London in 1973 🙂
What does his American accent sound like to you? Is it convincing? I was binge watching Black Mirror and I noted that British actors were used but were putting on American accents, I wondered what Americans thought of this. Do they laugh?!
Sx
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Anyone born Andrew James Clutterbuck couldn’t be an Aussie
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This reminds me of a story told by Frank Muir when in a bookshop, a fellow customer was wondering if they sold anything by John Le Carrier – Muir suggested ‘The Pie Who Came in from the Cold’
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Much fun can be had with pie, Ms Bonne! So many new titles!
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Pie; The Perfect Pie; and Smiley’s Pies!
Sx
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I’d love to stick a pie in Pier’s pasty face.
I hope your knee gets better soon. And Happy New Year!
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Thank you, Joey!
Nothing better than a custard pie aimed with precision.
Sx
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Having recently recovered from a lower extremity injury myself, I can confidently say that boxed sets and books are the way to go.
I’m familiar with killer women and CAKE but the pie angle is new to me.
Take good care of yourself.
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Thank you, Ms Mistress, I am feeling better. AND, I have also been reading… I don’t know how I’ve managed to fit in so much entertainment… but I guess it’s time to get on with the Loopy Letters now!
Sx
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You just knew you shouldn’t try to emulate Five Go Adventuring Again at your time of life… Jx
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Jon – My time of life!!!!???? Well, I won’t be slurping Ginger Beer unless it has a shot of whiskey in it, that’s for sure.
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Didn’t the flu jab prevent injury? Get well soon for 2019!
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Mr Nikos – Ha!! 2019!! You’d think those Flu jabs could be modified to cover all eventualities wouldn’t you.
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Crikey, I hope you heal soon, until then rest and don’t try to be superwoman, sending hugs and well wishes Scarlet x😘
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Ms Tales – Superwoman!!! I wish….. maybe a Superwoman cape would have broken my fall!
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Just look after yourself Scarlet, and try to stay out of mischief xxx
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Well done for having the forethought to have your phone with you. I keep intending to do the same and even have one of those things round my neck but it never seems the right time. Since a fall however I take a stick if I am going down town alone – nuisance but I can stride out more easily and safely. Knees can be difficult so don’t neglect it and find out all the things – physio etc you can do to facilitate recovery. And stop climbing trees – young as you are. Have a happy, healthy 2018 dear Scarlet.
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Thank you, Pat! I am recovering fairly well, although I fell over again! Just bruises… and definitely the dog’s fault this time. And now I’m fed up with the rain and I’m trying not to trip over my flippers!
Sx
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Still jumping from trees? I know people who suffered sprained and damaged limbs from just a curb of a street. I’m one of those people. This leaves me wondering (wondering occupies most my days lately) how badly the people of ancient cities were injured by their cobblestone streets.
Hey how about Killer Women and Fallen Trees. If a tree falls on your path and no one is there, will you still try jumping over it (virtually of course, possibly with an app, or virtual reality glasses).
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OR better yet – Killer Trees and Fallen Women – you already have the first episode written for you.
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Would these killer trees be like rampaging Triffids?
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I was unaware of “The Day of the Triffids”. Thanks and guess someone beat you to that idea.
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Bill – I would always try to climb over a tree that had fallen in my path – it just seems to be the thing to be done. Cobbles are far worse the trees for tripping you up and damaging your ankles – I avoid them – I have corns to think of.
Sx
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You’re not the only one who’s tardy. For some reason I’ve only just caught up with this missive. Indeed, “Killer Women With Pie” had so much overlooked potential. A pie laced with arsenic maybe. Or a pie so heavy you could brain someone with it. Or a pie made of the most succulent parts of your victim. Or a special celebratory pie after you’ve finally finished off the lecherous neighbour. A disappointing follow-up to the totally gripping “Killer Women With Doughnut”.
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Nick – and I am late replying, and the issue with late replying is that I’ve more of less forgotten what the original post was about… other than something to do with me falling over!
Killer women with a delightful selection of bakery products giving their nearest and dearest diabetes. Sorry Nick, I am feeling dull today, and a little waterlogged.
Sx
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