Dr. Clive Mutterfort DGM, MRCOG, MClinPscychol, MFFP, DCH, PhD, GCSE looked up from his colouring book and gestured for me to be seated on the Chesterfield sofa opposite his desk. After 30 minutes or so he packed away his crayons and gave me his full attention.
‘Oh, I’m so sorry, I don’t appear to be relevant to this post; there seems to have been some sort of administrative cock-up.’ He said, rummaging through my medical notes, ‘Oh… hang on a moment…. there is this… it was delivered last week… it’s a meme from some chap called Mr Device, he’s requesting answers to some devilishly difficult questions in reference to your musical memories…. just relax and answer as truthfully as possible…. no need to answer with proper sentences or complicated grammar… just say the first thing that comes into your head.’
I leant back in the sofa, closed my eyes, and prepared myself for unconscious waffle. I heard Dr Mutterfort unscrewing his hip flask before asking, ‘What does music mean to you?‘
I frowned and concentrated hard. ‘Music can be a better representation of emotion than words… music reaches further than the mind.’
‘Is that all you’ve got to say?’ Asked Dr Mutterfort.
‘Yes, let’s not get too soppy…or philosophical.’
I heard Dr Mutterfort polishing his golf clubs, eating a blueberry muffin from M&S, and ironing a shirt. He was obviously thinking about Freud, but was desperate not to show it.
‘WHAT IS YOUR FIRST MUSIC RELATED MEMORY?’ Shouted Dr Mutterfort in my left ear, taking me completely by surprise.
‘Erm…. Arthur Askey…. And His Silly Little Songs, specifically The Bee Song….
…my mum had a portable record player, which was the size of a small suitcase. The speakers made up the lid and were detachable. It was possible to stack several records on the turntable so that when one had finished there was another ready to drop down to be played. I used to spend hours sitting on the sofa eating Opal Fruits whilst listening to records, Arthur Askey was a favourite along with Peter and the Wolf, Lady and the Tramp, and The Jungle Book.’
There was a long silence and I pondered whether Dr M had left the room.
‘Are you still there, Dr Mutterfort? DR MUTTERFORT????’
‘So sorry, my child, I had cottonwool stuffed in my ears, shall we move on swiftly to the next question….What was the first album you ever purchased yourself?‘
‘Do I have to say???? Really????? Do I have to??? Okay, well seeing as you asked it was David Essex. I bought it with my birthday money. To be fair I didn’t really like David Essex but my older sister did, and I bought it in an effort to appear grown up. I was 9. The track called ‘Window’ scared the living daylights out of me so as soon as ‘Gonna Make You a Star’ had finished I’d run to the record player and lift the needle to skip it….
….I think it must have been all the screaming at the end that chilled me and I….”
‘Yes, yes, yes… I think we get the idea, can we move on… what is the latest music you purchased?‘
‘One Strike by All Saints….’
I could hear Dr Mutterfort bopping around the consulting room. It was obvious that he was liking All Saints. Sounding out of breath he flopped back in the seat behind his desk before asking me the final question, ‘What is he very last song you listened to before writing this post?‘
‘Cake by the Ocean by DNCE…. it’s difficult not to hear this at the moment because it’s officially played on the radio after every ten minutes….
….and it features cake, so what’s not to love?’
I could hear Dr Mutterfort’s eyebrows creak as he raised them, ‘I don’t think it means actual cake.’ He replied.
I sighed, read through the post I’d just written, and wondered what Arthur Askey would have made of DNCE.
If anyone would like to do this Meme then please feel free to do so. Ay-Thang-Yaw.
Wonky Words 
Hey busy bee I enjoyed the post hope it gets the buzz it needs.
I don’t think David Essex was much of a hit on this side of the pond. Yeah a good amount of background screaming – music to psycho’s ears.
Cake by the Ocean – catchy tune and quite different than that other cake related song from the sixties MacArthur Park.
oh this seems odd am I the first to comment?
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Good afternoon, Bill, thank you for being the first to comment! It is not odd at all…. most of the British bloggers are at work, or outside enjoying the sunshine… and those in the US have probably just toddled off to work as well. Australians are probably in bed. Plus, this post contains no calligraphy…. so the lettering enthusiasts will have gotten the hump and would have quietly clicked away, whilst muttering under their breath something about dreadful British music.
Ack, never mind, we enjoyed it 🙂
Sx
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Ah, Mr Arthur Askey, I love his films – The Ghost Train and Back Room Boy – marvellous! Didnt he get involved in some rather seedy films? And that was after he lost a leg?? My first album was Showaddywaddy, not a purchase, but a request at Xmas. I think I was about 8. Does that count? Kept that for many years, only losing it about the same time I split up with my ex …hmmm.
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Hello Ms Lou!!
I cannot find any evidence of Mr Askey’s descent into seediness, but he did have both legs amputated due to circulation problems.
Are you trying to tell me that your ex was a closet Showaddywaddy fan?????!
Sx
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My Mum told me about the dark side of As key, will quiz her some more! Well, I could blame my ex but it was probably lost in one of my many moves. I do have a photo somewhere of me holding the just unwrapped album….first album I bought was Howard Jones, still got that! Trouble with this subject is there’s no hiding age!
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Please quiz your mum some more, Ms Lou!!
I liked Howard Jones…. he was the sophisticated version of Nik Kershaw.
Sx
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I recall David Essex from the mid-70s, but only for Rock On.
MJ will be delighted that you have a cake song!
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David Essex was pretty big in the UK, he was a bit of a heartthrob, and was in the 1974 film Stardust along with Adam Faith, Ringo Starr and Keith Moon. A few years back he did a stint on Eastenders.
Cake gets everywhere 🙂
Sx
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David Essex was singing “Rock On” at the moment I fell in love at first sight with someone.
CAKE!!!
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Like LX I only recall “Rock On”.Oh! and didn’t Essex sing about someone called Myfanwy? That featured angel cake and marmalade, I think.
I’d better toddle along and search for links to my own memories. Just how far back can Google go?
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He did indeed, Dinah! And he also sang about sardines in half lighted passages.
And why not?!
Sx
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Oh…. it’s a poem by John Betjeman – HERE
Sx
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I knew I shouldn’t have listened to that Bee Song (and it seemed to last far longer than 2 mins 41 secs). Now I actually *do* remember Arthur Askey!
And as for David Essex, well I certainly remember him, but not his music (except for the aforementioned “Gonna Make you a star” – what show used it for its theme tune?) – “Window” seems exceedingly seedy – I don’t balme you for skipping it. I was under the impression that David Essex was a good boy?
Nice to hear the All Saints haven’t lost it. I didn’t know they were still going?
::fetches sparkly pink All Saints album down from the shelf and feels grateful that The Very Mistress MJ hasn’t been here yet – I can do without the stench of cakefarts::
Great post, Ms Scarlet and Dr Mutterfort!
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I have the pink All Saints CD, Mr Devine!! They recently regrouped. I think I downloaded One Strike for reasons of nostalgia. Unfortunately combat trousers never suited me. I am too short.
Ha! I’m pleased you remember Arthur Askey! And thank you for the meme 🙂
Sx
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What fascinating song choices & answers! I’ve never heard of the Bee song before, so thanks for that. And what a surprise that David Essex is, looking deceptively innocent & genteel, then Bam! He turns out to be a hard rocker! It’s always the quiet looking ones that surprise you the most.
That Cake song is everywhere. If only cake was everywhere instead. As for All Saints, I remember their Never Ever song. Good song but when I heard the line, “…a to zed.”, I was like, ‘What the heck is zed? There’s no zed in the alphabet! It’s the letter z! Z!!! As in zebra!’
Does this mean that when Brit cartoon & comic characters snooze & snore, do they make a ‘Zzzz’ sound or is it ‘Zed Zed Zed’?
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I am not sure if I like the cake song, Mr Swings. I am tired of hearing it. A generic little ditty I guess.
Do you say Zeee-bra then? I say Zebra as in Deb. And yes, the British snore in zeds – very loudly!
Sx
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Butch: It’s Zed’s.
Fabienne: Who’s Zed?
Butch: Zed’s dead, baby. Zed’s dead.
Pulp Fiction
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Okay, I have a question for you both: How do you pronounce Zebedee?!!
Sx
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zip-e-do-da!
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Ha!
Sx
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I’m going with Z as in Zero, B as in Bee, & D as in Deer. So, yes, ZBD it is, like the name of a gangsta rapper or the abbreviation for a chemical compound! Though LX’s pronunciation is quite excellent & acceptable.
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I think Mr Lax’s pronunciation is excellent. I remain unconvinced by the zeeebra
🙂
Sx
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Crikey Arthur Askey, takes me right back, I’ll need to check out some of your others too. I was in love with David Essex too xx
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And did you also have a version of Peter and the Wolf, Lulu?? It seems many of us were musically weaned on this.
Sx
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Hello, “Playmates” has a completely different connotation when you’re an adult. I used to get David Essex and Gary Glitter mixed up all the time. I know. So not similar.
That was a fun read. I could never perform this exercise, myself. It might clue you in to my actual age, which is something I’m hyper-sensitive about. Don’t judge. Some people smoke. Others watch reality TV. I don’t reveal my age. Deal with it.
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I think I’m older than you, Monsieur Banish! So please get over it!! I do some of those things….
*Sharp intake of breath* We do not mention GG on this side of the pond.
Sx
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No you’re not. Trust me.
You sure USE TO mention GG. You created him!
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ENOUGH WITH THE GG!!!!!! He has been airbrushed out of musical history.
I take no personal responsibility for GG. I owned none of his records.
As explanation – think Jimmy Savile.
Sx
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I used to laugh my socks off at my mother’s record collection. Nana Mouskouri’s Passport, do you remember that? My sister once told me that it was Selma from Scooby Doo in real life and I believed her. I can still hear Selma now singing The White Rose Of Athens and Cu-cu-rru-cu-cu Paloma.
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I love Cake by the Ocean too. 😉
I won this award too from a couple of bloggers but I’m yet to finish it, but when I do it will be on my blog that no one looks at anyway. 😀
So what do you think of the All saints album? Do you think baggy combats will come back in fashion again?
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I’m sure Dr Mutterfort would be quite baffled by my taste in music. None of the above, more like Sia, Amy Winehouse, Bonnie Raitt, Laura Mvula. If he raised any objections, I’d casually do him in with one of his newly-polished golf clubs. Then I’d finish the blueberry muffin, take a hefty swig from his hip flask, make a rapid getaway and look for some tasty cake by the ocean.
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WHy is it that no video works from here ? Except Arthur’s, but I confess to stopping his performance very fast. BTW I know none of the artists mentioned in your post, Essex, dunce, saints – no clue, sorry.
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Don’t know if this will work but I’m going to try the daring comment attempt of leaving the first and last comment on this post. Now you could help my cause by posting a new exciting post soon.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah….. it’s on its way 🙂
Sx
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