Less Dramatic….and unfinished…


A damp grey day in Devon…

I have no words. Well, I have a few…. Yes, someone has left the remains of an ancient fertility symbol on my driveway. It is huge. I live in fear that a passing chainsaw artist will drop by and carve it into a giant squirrel perched upon an undersized toadstool…. or worse, someone will feel inclined to whittle it into a spoon…. probably a Londoner…probably a Londoner with a beard…. I have seen evidence that spoon whittling is popular in the south-east. Apparently this is an oak burr; whatever it is, it has been on my driveway for 5 months, and has worked well as a bird table.

I am not going to speak of Charmaine in this post, she has upset me too much… something to do with ‘not taking myself seriously’…. and she has been insistent that I ‘get a proper blog wiv nicer photos done by someone proper’…. you get my drift.

I will deal with her later.

Meanwhile, I do seem to have accumulated a few unfinished projects….


Work in Progress

64 thoughts on “Less Dramatic….and unfinished…

  1. Huge relief! I thought the Thing on the Driveway was something quite horrid…
    Charmaine is being a bit of a brat, isn’t she? She should lighten up;perhaps a little seasoning of her gruel might help? Say…a teaspoon of finely-chopped hash.

    • My question is:- How do you unacquire an oak burr??? How have you gone through life untouched by the arrival of an oak burr??? What a blessed life you must lead, Monsieur Pain.

    • Oh good heavens! Thank you Mr Lax!!! I will get on to the shipping people immediately! Is it okay to send it to your PO Box??? I will send you an invoice via Pay Pal…. customer pays for p&p, yes? I will include scented tissue paper and bunting, as per.

  2. hello! 🙂 but seriously, how did that burl arrive in your drive? (i received a wedding invite that was printed and lovely, but i SAVED the envelope because the calligraphy was hand done and just too pretty to toss! xoxoxo

  3. I don’t dislike it, if it was in the right place I’d make a feature of it, a few hanging baskets filled with geraniums and trailing ivy, an ornamental meerkat perched on top would look lovely.

  4. In retrospect it wouldn’t look lovely it would look common, get a couple of big strong lads to lob it into the pond.

    • Oh Mitzi! It’s a good job that I didn’t take a picture of my geranium! I have been trying to save it this morning, it’s shrivelled.
      I will ponder the pond idea….there is indeed too much life in my pond…. a little infill might make it less of a daunting challenge to sort out.

  5. I think our neighborhood association would balk at the phallus. And have you asked Charmaine if she knows anything about it?

    • Amy…. I’m sort of lucky that I only have the milking parlour and a field of cows as neighbours! The advantage of living remotely is that nobody takes offence… and you can also let your hedges run wild [something I was ticked off about by the council when I lived urban].

  6. I would say you are stumped for this post. Of course, I try to get away with these puny comments online because in real life it’s much harder to pull off.
    May I suggest obtaining a good heavy chain to wrap around this stump and then yourself. It might not move anything but would offer a great picture for your next post. Charmaine might even approve.

  7. My first impulse upon finding burr oak on the driveway would’ve been to fire up the grill, I’m gonna use that oak to smoke meat for some BBQ! Finding good oak on the driveway is surely a blessing & miracle from the BBQ gods. Hallelujah!

    My second impulse would’ve been to attempt to carve out a sculpture or some scene. Or make a bunch of tiny figurines or decorations for festive occasions. There’s more than enough to make some nice ones, some naughty ones, & some really fun & possibly obscene ones reminiscent of ancient fertility figures.

    Your works in progress are beautiful works of art; some of the most beautiful works of art are unfinished masterpieces, like da Vinci’s Mona Lisa or Gaudi’s Sagrada Familia.

    • Mr Swings…. I think there’s probably enough wood in that there burr to keep me in wooden decorations for several decades! And spoons. And probably bowls. Who needs John Lewis at Home when you have an oak burr sitting on your driveway?

  8. Perhaps you should lift it up and see what’s underneath. For all you know there’s a corpse under there, cunningly hidden by an innocent-looking tree stump.

  9. I recognise that (smaller) text from adventures in Mogwash with bottles!
    As for getting rid of the oak burr – just pop a bike chain around it and before you know it, someone will have cut the chain and made off with it. Problem solved!

    • SMALL?????? There is nothing small about this lump of wood… it could service a small flock of starlings, and often does. Thank you, Mr Mags, I shall try turning it t’other way up, I shall await assistant from your good self and Mr Lax.

  10. At the bottom of my side path there is a branch – just off the road. Nothing to do with my trees I’m sure. Anyway we are told it is good for the wildlife and being a bit of a nature girl I’m going to leave it there.
    My goodness you’ve got a lake Scarlet! I’ve only got a defunct fountain although strangely when they were here dealing with the infested drains the fountain engine started up which flummoxed me as I had given up on it and had escape holes bored in the basin of the fountain.
    What I need is an estate manager.

    • So do I, Pat!! I need an estate manager that doesn’t leave his bits of oak all over my driveway.
      Funny you should mention the fountain…. mine is all blocked up now and I don’t fancy trying to find out what’s gone wrong. I shall throw Charmaine in for some swimming exercise…. it’ll be fine.

    • Jon!!! Where have you been??? Apologies, I did not wish you a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year on your blog…. which was remiss of me.
      I think our weather is on the turn, thank goodness.

  11. Dear Miss Scarlet
    Have you thought about getting one of the local lads to carve it into one of those dancing pole thingies… It would make a lovely feature in your garden come May… festooned with multicoloured ribbons… You could invite the whole village for a little dance off… though should you decide to mount it in your pond I suggest that they bring their own wellies… so as to avoid dancing with wet feet

  12. Knock knock or pushing doorbell – Hello, I got a question for a Brit.
    So I was reading this article about earworms (those songs stuck in your head) and found out this British psychologist Vicky Williamson has been collecting them for years. She said that ” Some people think that the British national anthem sung quite slow is good for getting rid of earworms.”
    What do you say about this?
    Also, do you think British researchers perform the most unusual studies in the world?

  13. There you see my lack of suave manners and sophisticated urbanity ! I just bof-fed around and like the sound … one could call it either homo ludens or childish …

    • Yes: Happy birthday, Ms Scarlet! (of course, I’ll probably be typing the same thing on your new post, so just pretend to be surprised)

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