A Moment of Pure Farce (Tales from Luddley-cum-Mogwash, part 7)



Desperate attempts to engage my new audience fellow Mogwashians in darkly humorous Boltanski-esque projects, although brilliant, proved to be completely and utterly futile, the last of these projects almost fatally so.
One fateful day in May, I was once again attempting to enlist Sebastian’s help with what I considered to be an amusing artistic pursuit featuring a box of broken glass, a tube of superglue and three cryptic text messages. Sebastian later described my ‘peculiar activities’ to the East Sussex Constabulary as being, ‘gratuitously self-indulgent and devoid of any serious theoretical or philosophical merit’,



going on to claim that my, ‘continuous and ludicrous characterisation’, of him on my, ‘grubby little website’, had caused him, ‘significant embarrassment’.
My offer to bottle his rage, turning it into an eye-catching ornament for his living room had so overwhelmed him with gratitude, that in his haste to offer thanks he slipped and inadvertently bashed me over the head with an empty Campari bottle….as I sat by the river on my weather-proof jacket, trying to dislodge a stone from my Wellington boot.

21 June 2007

21 thoughts on “A Moment of Pure Farce (Tales from Luddley-cum-Mogwash, part 7)

  1. Peter Wells aka Countingducks

    The weird thing is I wrote a post based on the idea of bottling emotions, and then being able to sell them on to the needy, only to find you bottling rage, which I agree could be a very popular product, although we might need to distil that into ‘righteous indignation’ in case other people think we are merely peddling violence

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Hello, yes I have just read your post! And I do have a bottle of love knocking around somewhere.
      Okay, we clearly need to go into business together… you can do the patter, and I will make the wares… we will have a niche market, peaking at Christmas… possibly fizzling out next September, but we have obviously discovered a demand for our product and, as the saying goes, we must strike whilst the iron is warming up!

  2. xl

    I am alarmed!

    1. I read a disturbing account at Herr Mago’s of Miss Scarlet gone missing and a bottle of Campari.

    2. I check here and find a post from June 2007.

    3. Wonky Words was missing from my news reader.

    Please can you make it wear big pants. And a knitting pattern would be nice.

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Crikey! Maybe that old lost comment will turn up here somewhere!! Though it might end up as: please can you make it wear a knitting pattern. And a pair of big pants would be nice. Either way we will end up with a huge pair of knitted pants.

  3. IDV

    So, the stories of your death have been highly exaggerated, I see. Well, that’s the tabloids for you.

    From a distance (no, not you Bette Midler), it appears that a very small black jet has landed atop the broken glass in Rage. Possibly an SR 71 “Blackbird”?

    1. Scarlet Post author

      But I think the cat is sitting by the fence… just to the right…
      I am not dead yet, but I suppose one day it will be inevitable.

      1. IDV

        I see it’s beady eye glaring out from the reflection. Perhaps it thinks the Blackbird is an actual bird? Or a mosquito…?

  4. dinahmow

    I just keep thinking “Through a Glass, Darkly.” Clearly , my coffee is not sufficiently gut-stripping…
    But i am relieved that you didn’t pollute the river.:-)

  5. 63mago

    I think I need a map now. A rough sketch will do.
    There is Luddle-cum-Mogwash.
    To the North-West is Mogs Mill. (Near Gatwick ?)
    There’s Mogwash Manor – unlocated. Where the deification / phenixification happened.
    Is Mogwash village (where Sebastian’s bus shelter is) different from Mogwash-cum-Luddle ?
    Somewhere is Mogwash Mansions No. 3 (“mock tudor art deco semi to be found at the edge of the village near the skate park”).
    Somewhere is Filching-under-Luddley.
    Somewhere is Taramind Dewhurst’s gallery.

    As I understand the river is called Mog?
    Please excuse these surely dumb questions, but I’m a Franconian.
    Maybe the river is known as “Wash” ? I lost orientation & need a plan, sorry.

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Oh you have made me laugh! I am on my way to bed… but had to reply… I think a map would be an excellent idea. I will do make it. Then I will bottle it 🙂

      1. Scarlet Post author

        I have a bottle of aspirins somewhere, Mr Mags.
        I am already planning my map… I am quite excited about it! Thank you for the suggestion.

  6. lisleman

    I just found this blog of yours. I read the about the weird bottle stuff. Great idea. The working of glass certainly aided the progress of daily life. I can’t decide if your idea is thinking outside or inside the bottle. Just curious, any plans for the bottle tops or corks?

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Hello Bill!
      Yes, this is my secret blog… just a silly thing I knocked up a couple of years ago.
      Corks? On Pinterest I’ve seen them stuck together to make a pin board. I suppose I could try. Or I could built a 3D model of Mogwash?

  7. Dangerous Linda

    WoW! Where is this story going? I’m hooked already!

    You had me at, “…brilliant…utterly futile…almost fatally so….”

    1. Scarlet Post author

      Hello Ms Dangerous!
      I know where it goes up to a certain point… I think I might start scribbling some more. Obviously I will need some empty bottles to keep me going.


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